Post by Hanelle on Aug 4, 2010 16:36:04 GMT -5
My first review since returning. I'll try not to drag on too long. One thing to mention though, unfortunately the only computer I have access to cannot play videos. So Jester, the review of "Orcus" will have to come later 
Sorry.
The same goes for some of the filmed movies that have recently came onto the site. I will see them when I can, but for now it's written stuff only.
As for this review, I finally read "Sundance I Love You". I believe this film was supposed to have a few more sections, but some lazy writers decided to skip the film and not submit their scripts. Jerks! Anyway..I'll start with "Electric Ladyland".
The story started off decent, but as it progressed I felt it seemed to go downhill. I found some of the dialogue to be superb while some of it, not unlike Alice's random cases of weak tourrettes, was fairly cringe-worthy. At times the story was over-the-top corny while at times it seemed very real and very sincere. It walked the fine-line in between.
But the main problem of the story was how it's far too fast climax. (No pun intended). The two characters had no time to really become in-sync so the emotional connection with the reader and the characters was never established. I realize it's a short-story competition, but this couldn't have been close to whatever the max limit of pages was. For example, this was one of the best things about "Junction" which I'll get into later.
Overall, the story had promise. Maybe if it was more fleshed out it could drastically improve. But as it is, I think it was just "okay".
The next short was "Junction" by Daz. This story started off very good. I loved the visuals at the beginning and just the overall setting of the white landscape of the highway. I like the long conversation (one-sided conversation) that they had in the car at the beginning. In the middle, I thought it sort of lost focus a little bit. It seemed to drag and it seemed like there was a lot of writing but no progression of the story. But luckily it was worth sticking it out because the end was great. The resolution of the two characters was sort of off and on for me. Let me try to explain what I mean (Beware of spoilers)
---The morning after they have sex, Zoe quietly escapes to another car. To run again, with Chris waking up and seeing that she had left.---
Loved it. Actually thought that was going to be it and thought it was a great, yet sad, ending.
--- Then Chris went on to go and see Zoe's parents and explain the situation.---
At this point I thought it was going to end here. With him being able to do what Zoe couldn't. Although it made sense and would have been a nice way to end it, I wasn't really into it so began to get a little disappointed with what I thought was going to be the ending.
---- Zoe arrives, the two embrace and kiss.----
The end. I loved it. So you fooled me with an ending I liked, then gave me one I didn't, but finished it off with one I loved. Well done, IMO. As they stare into each others eyes and she tells him she feels like this is exactly where she belongs, that was very good writing.
Okay, so enough with the ending. Good points of the script were most of the dialogue. I remember from his former films that Daz is exceptional with dialogue so this is no surprise. I think Zoe was a well-rounded character and very likeable. Chris seemed a bit bland, but he was obviously less important than Zoe so it was not hard to forgive.
Bad points? Like I said, the middle seemed slow. Seemed out of focus, I guess. Other than that, there were many spelling or other little mistakes in the story. Not a big problem, but when a conversation is flowing so smoothly but is interrupted with an error or missing word or something, it can easily mess it up. Oh and Zoe's name strangely turns into Chloe about three or four times around the point they get drunk. Not a big deal, but still worth noting.
Anyway, it would have been nice to see me and the other couple writers have added to this. But just with these two stories it was definitely worth a read. Hopefully soon I will be able to see Jester's short film, until then I'll give Sundance a:
Electric Ladyland: 2/5
Junction: 4/5
Overall: 3/5
Sorry.The same goes for some of the filmed movies that have recently came onto the site. I will see them when I can, but for now it's written stuff only.
As for this review, I finally read "Sundance I Love You". I believe this film was supposed to have a few more sections, but some lazy writers decided to skip the film and not submit their scripts. Jerks! Anyway..I'll start with "Electric Ladyland".
The story started off decent, but as it progressed I felt it seemed to go downhill. I found some of the dialogue to be superb while some of it, not unlike Alice's random cases of weak tourrettes, was fairly cringe-worthy. At times the story was over-the-top corny while at times it seemed very real and very sincere. It walked the fine-line in between.
But the main problem of the story was how it's far too fast climax. (No pun intended). The two characters had no time to really become in-sync so the emotional connection with the reader and the characters was never established. I realize it's a short-story competition, but this couldn't have been close to whatever the max limit of pages was. For example, this was one of the best things about "Junction" which I'll get into later.
Overall, the story had promise. Maybe if it was more fleshed out it could drastically improve. But as it is, I think it was just "okay".
The next short was "Junction" by Daz. This story started off very good. I loved the visuals at the beginning and just the overall setting of the white landscape of the highway. I like the long conversation (one-sided conversation) that they had in the car at the beginning. In the middle, I thought it sort of lost focus a little bit. It seemed to drag and it seemed like there was a lot of writing but no progression of the story. But luckily it was worth sticking it out because the end was great. The resolution of the two characters was sort of off and on for me. Let me try to explain what I mean (Beware of spoilers)
---The morning after they have sex, Zoe quietly escapes to another car. To run again, with Chris waking up and seeing that she had left.---
Loved it. Actually thought that was going to be it and thought it was a great, yet sad, ending.
--- Then Chris went on to go and see Zoe's parents and explain the situation.---
At this point I thought it was going to end here. With him being able to do what Zoe couldn't. Although it made sense and would have been a nice way to end it, I wasn't really into it so began to get a little disappointed with what I thought was going to be the ending.
---- Zoe arrives, the two embrace and kiss.----
The end. I loved it. So you fooled me with an ending I liked, then gave me one I didn't, but finished it off with one I loved. Well done, IMO. As they stare into each others eyes and she tells him she feels like this is exactly where she belongs, that was very good writing.
Okay, so enough with the ending. Good points of the script were most of the dialogue. I remember from his former films that Daz is exceptional with dialogue so this is no surprise. I think Zoe was a well-rounded character and very likeable. Chris seemed a bit bland, but he was obviously less important than Zoe so it was not hard to forgive.
Bad points? Like I said, the middle seemed slow. Seemed out of focus, I guess. Other than that, there were many spelling or other little mistakes in the story. Not a big problem, but when a conversation is flowing so smoothly but is interrupted with an error or missing word or something, it can easily mess it up. Oh and Zoe's name strangely turns into Chloe about three or four times around the point they get drunk. Not a big deal, but still worth noting.
Anyway, it would have been nice to see me and the other couple writers have added to this. But just with these two stories it was definitely worth a read. Hopefully soon I will be able to see Jester's short film, until then I'll give Sundance a:
Electric Ladyland: 2/5
Junction: 4/5
Overall: 3/5