Post by SCF on Jan 6, 2008 0:41:04 GMT -5
Series Pilot: A Sinner in Happyland
Episode Name: "Cop Shot the Pilot"
Starring:
Christopher Meloni
Episode Name: "Cop Shot the Pilot"
Starring:
Christopher Meloni
(Cristo Pictures presents)
(Fade to skyline of dilapidated city)
Narrator: Where I’m from, people get killed over ice cream cones.
(Gunshot)
(Fade to a shadowy person walking down the street)
Narrator (Cop): My name is Cop. I live on the south side of Downtown Debauchery. It was cold that night…as cold as a man who’s been covered in snow by the rebellious toddlers he never intended to have. I am that man and the wind was those toddlers and this case was something I never intended to have. But, here I was, walking down this street…my 44 magnum nestled safely in my right coat pocket…wondering why in the world someone would get killed over an ice cream cone on a night that the weather felt like hell had frozen over and that hell was my city. I almost considered killing someone for a blanket or a heavier coat.
(cut to homeless people shivering in layers of clothing)
Cop (narrating): No…they’re not worth it. I’m the law in this lawless city. And, behind every crime, there is always something hidden beneath the layers like an onion waiting to be peeled or a woman peeling an onion who has an abusive husband. She may be crying because he came in the house in his snow-covered jacket and knocked her around a bit, or she may be crying because she’s peeling the onions. Like I said, layers.
(Cop looks up and his face is scarred badly)
Cop: (narrating) They tried to find my layers…but my skin was too tough. And my right hand…too fast.
(Cop spins around and pulls out his 44 magnum with lightning speed)
(There is nothing on the street)
(Cop walks forward and bends down in front of an alley)
(He rubs his finger on the street and puts it to his mouth)
Cop: Lemon…
(Weird sounds emanate from the alley)
(Cop looks up)
(Cut to a purple portal at the end of the street on the side of a building)
Cop(narrating): The murderer must have gone inside the building. But, he’ll be praying for mercy when I find him…and like Mr. Freeze, the weather and my condition have left me cold to his pleas of mercy due to my severe misrepresentation on film. Ah, what the heck? At least I’ll always have the animated series.
(Cop walks forward and enters the portal)
(Cut to black)
(Fade to a beautiful land with lollipops and a shining castle on the horizon)
(Cut to Cop’s face)
Cop: Where in the world am I?
(Cut to a short little elf flying out of the sky with a propeller beanie on his head)
(The elf lands on the ground)
(The gun is shoved in the elf’s face)
Cop: What are you?
Pilot: I’m the pilot. What is that?
Cop: It’s a 44 magnum. Did you kill the guy?
Pilot: You must not be from around here.
Cop: Answer me, you flying midget.
Pilot: I don’t understand you. Where are you from?
Cop (narrating): He looked suspicious, but not suspicious enough. I was about to let him go until I saw the lemon stain on his shirt.
(Fade to the lemon stain on Pilot’s shirt)
Cop: Where’d you get the stain, Pilot?
(Cut to Pilot’s nervous face)
Pilot: Are you from that world? Your world is scary. Things end…in your world.
Cop: You’re going to end if you don’t tell me where you got that stain.
Pilot: Only the one with the darkest heart in each world can go between worlds. There are many dark hearts in your world. Nobody ever goes there. Is that where the Troll got the life-cream?
Cop: Who is this Troll?
Pilot: He gave me the life-cream. He is the darkest in our world.
Cop: Where is the ice cream?
Pilot: I gave it to the Flower Army. They will take it to the King of Happyland. In fact, here they come now.
(The sound of marching feet comes down the street)
Cop (narrating): An army? Headed this way? There’s only three ways this could end for me: impaled on the weapons of a vast army, taken to a powerful king who sends assassins between worlds…or I could continue my search for the Ice Cream murderer: the troll this airborne midget speaks of.
Cop: Let’s hide!
(Cop grabs Pilot and runs behind a nearby lollipop bush)
Cop: Stay absolutely still and don’t say a word.
(Cut to a huge army of flowers marching down the road)
(They are headed to the castle in the distance)
Cop (narrating): This army is larger than I thought. The only thing I hope is that this flying midget doesn’t say anything. But, I can see it in his eyes. He’s weak. He’ll reveal where we are.
(Cut to Pilot rubbing his fingers nervously)
Cop (narrating): If he runs, I’m shooting him. The only flight this short guy is taking is straight to a place where there are harps and all-you-can-eat buffets. All I’ve got for him are all-you-can-eat bullets and those are gonna be tough to chew…and even harder to swallow.
(Cut to Pilot running off in the opposite direction)
Cop (narrating): The guy is fast, but my trigger finger is faster.
(Cut to the Flower Nation passing by at that moment)
Cop (narrating): They don’t notice the little guy…but they’ll notice me. I’ll have to catch the little munchkin later.
(The Flower Nation passes by)
Cop (narrating): Now…to catch the freak.
(Cut to Cop running through lollipop trees)
Cop (narrating): I’m looking to the skies and the ground, but the short monster is nowhere to be found like an errant toddler that’s avoiding a pound from his dad for messing around. Yeah, I know that rhymed. I rep the south side.
(Cut to Cop walking onto a green field)
(The sun is bright in the sky)
Cop (narrating): It’s hot out here. I’m surprised the temperature change didn’t kill me.
(Cop takes off his coat)
Cop (narrating): It is kinda nice out here though. It’s better weather than in Downtown Debauchery. But, already, I miss my home and its high crime rate. This warm weather chills me to the bones in the way the subzero temperature of my hometown never could. Yes, this ‘happy’ land feels like the inside of a microwave oven…and it’s probably only 70 degrees.
(Cop pockets his 44 magnum)
Cop (narrating): In this place, I feel empty. It was something that the Pilot said. Oh yeah. Only the darkest heart can go between worlds. Well, then, my heart must be darker than a lump of coal in a sea of ink.
(Cop suddenly spins around and fires one shot)
(Cut to Pilot landing on the ground)
Cop (narrating): Yep…I’m a sinner in Happyland.
(cut to black)
(Cristo Pictures Inc.)
What the F^ck? Very weird, but ok.
