Post by Cristo on Oct 5, 2008 22:19:52 GMT -5
Hi, I'm the Angry Movie Nerd. I look back at some of the horrible movies of MR, to remind you how far this site has come.
And to show you how far Xplayadam has come. Today I will be watching a film notorious among MR movies.
Yes, I am talking about the large growth on xplay's career, "Flaming Carrot".
From the very beginning, this "script" is incredible.
What the hell? How big is this page? This page is f*cking tiny. And guess what? Half the page is the Mr. Vincent's f*cking signature!
I swear, the signature is almost bigger than the "script" itself! Good god! Did xplay write for 5 minutes? I could write a longer movie in between typing letters for this show. The trailer at the beginning is almost as big as the movie. F*cking unbelieveable.
So it starts:
Immedietly we are given the image of... "Champion City". Sort of like gotham.
“Put that map up Danny well look like tourist!” yells the father.
...Okay, what the hell? What does that even mean? Put the map up, well look like tourist? He's telling the kid to put the map up to look like a tourist? What kind of advice is that? If you like that advice, I got some for you:
"Hey dad, go ahead and put all the luggage in the front seat, and unlock the door, so we'll look like stupid tourists! Yay!"
So then the kid throws away the map, to which his father gets mad. So then they are mugged, until the mugger is killed by a... well, I'll let the script talk for itself.
"giant carrot with a bit of flames at the tip."
Brilliant. Couldn't have been any more descriptive. BRILLIANT!
“You’re a riot!” shots the punk.
Um... "shots" the punk? Did xplay even proofread this crap?
...So, the precredits sequence ends and the movie begins.
But first, I have one big bone to pick with this so-called "script". It is written like some kind of stream-of-consciousness, typo-filled style, like the director didn't make any kind of effort to make it look even vaguely like a script. The whole thing looks and feels like a script I wrote when I was SEVEN.
Whew. Anyways, let's continue. It flashes back to a fantastically-titled character named "the man" reads a bunch of comic books and suffers brain damage. Right.
“Where am I?” says the man. “Your in a hospital, you suffered massive brain damage kid!” informs the Doctor. “I know this sounds dumb but I am a super-hero!” shouts the man.
You're right. It is stupid. F*cking stupid. Why the hell would he think he's a superhero? Did those comic books wreck his brain? I bet the director had the same brain damage before he wrote this piece of sh*t!
So then for the rest of the movie, and by movie I mean one more paragraph, "The Flaming Carrot" runs around saving people, before ending suddenly without any conclusion, villian, beginning, middle, or END.
This movie stinks beyond belief. I've never read a script, and I've read some sucky ones in my time. This movie shouldn't even exist.
But, I'm glad it's over. I can get on to some other movies.
I'm the Angry Movie Nerd, saying good night and PLEASE GOD don't make a Flaming Carrots 2.
moviereels.proboards103.com/index.cgi?board=newfilms&action=display&thread=4470
OH SH************T!!!!!!
*Note: This show is for strictly satire purposes. It's by no means an attempt to slander The Flaming Carrot, even though the complaints expressed in this show are based in fact.
Also, sorry Xplayadam! Don't hold it against me.
