Post by Xplayadam on Jul 18, 2008 14:16:00 GMT -5
-Danif Rap’s room. There are clothes on the floor and a huge “Army of Darkness” poster on the wall. He hits his alarm clock that reads “6:49 AM”. Danif rolls out of bed and goes toward his closet. He grabs a “Pulp Fiction” t-shirt and puts it on along with some blue jeans. Danif turns around to a shelf full of assorted collectables (Hellboy figures, Captain America busts, Batman cowl, ect.) and grabs a pair of red shoes and puts them on. He walks out of his bedroom and into the kitchen, Danif opens a box of pop-tarts and puts them in the toaster. He turns straight around to the Bathroom and brushes his teeth and applies Old Spice deodorant. He returns to grab the pop-tarts and his cell-phone then walks outside and gets in his car and begins to drive. Danif’s phone rings-
Danif Rap-
Hello?
Zack Woody-
Hay, hay, hay, hay!
Danif Rap-
What’s up?
Zack Woody-
Just got done out-bidding this prick on Ebay.
Danif Rap-
What was the item?
Zack Woody-
A statue of Jack Nicholson as The Joker.
Danif Rap-
What size?
Zack Woody-
Like, 10 inches.
Danif Rap-
Not official, right?
Zack Woody-
No, no. But it’s got some amazing detail.
Danif Rap-
How much did it go for?
Zack Woody-
168 bucks.
Danif Rap-
Your shitting me… right?
Zack Woody-
Nope.
Danif Rap-
How the hell are you gonna pay that?
Zack Woody-
Sell my liver.
Danif Rap-
Are you serious?
Zack Woody-
Why so serious?
Danif Rap-
That was a terrible set-up.
Zack Woody-
I know.
Danif Rap-
But, seriously?
Zack Woody-
I don’t know.
Danif Rap-
Wait a second… you kept biding away and you knew you couldn’t purchase the item?
Zack Woody-
It’s addicting, OKAY?
Danif Rap-
How much do you have?
Zack Woody-
Like 36 items…
Danif Rap-
I’m talking about money… wait: 36 items?
Zack Woody-
Yep.
Danif Rap-
Won?
Zack Woody-
Unpaid.
Danif Rap-
How the hell did they not band you?
Zack Woody-
Cause I won them all yesterday…
Danif Rap-
What the fuck?
Zack Woody-
I couldn’t help it. You weren’t on Warcraft, I had to do something!
Danif Rap-
And that something was to bid yourself into debt?
Zack Woody-
Yea.
Danif Rap-
What’s the total?
Zack Woody-
36.
Danif Rap-
No, I’m talking about the money!
Zack Woody-
Um… like a good $900.
Danif Rap-
Are you gonna purchase them?
Zack Woody-
Yes, they where some good items.
Danif Rap-
Have you completely lost your mind?
Zack Woody-
No… but if you give me a few days…
Danif Rap-
How much money do you have on you?
Zack Woody-
I got… like 23 bucks.
Danif Rap-
Holy shit.
Zack Woody-
Wait, why are you so fucking worried? Your not having to pay for it!
Danif Rap-
Yea… but it just bothers me.
Zack Woody-
Why?
Danif Rap-
Because what happens if you go to Vegas and start gambling away because I’m not online?
Zack Woody-
Everything is going to be fine.
Danif Rap-
I’m pulling in you front yard right now… and your not wearing any pants.
-Danif pulls in Zack’s front yard. He has a green “1 Up” shirt on and Iron Man boxers. He runs up to Danif’s window-
Danif Rap-
Where’s your pants?
Zack Woody-
At the shop.
Danif Rap-
Why are your pants at the shop?
Zack Woody-
Because I was there with a lady…
Danif Rap-
That is the dumbest excuse ever.
Zack Woody-
No it isn’t.
Danif Rap-
Then who was it?
Zack Woody-
Veronica Lily.
Danif Rap-
Veronica “I’m dating the quarterback” Lily?
Zack Woody-
Yes sir.
Danif Rap-
How in god’s name did that happen?
Zack Woody-
I’m a flirt.
Danif Rap-
You’re a drunk.
Zack Woody-
I told you… I don’t drink.
Danif Rap-
What about that time in 10th grade?
Zack Woody-
What time?
Danif Rap-
Exactly. Get in.
-Zack gets in Danif’s car. Danif begins to drive-
Danif Rap-
What time?
Zack Woody-
7:10 AM.
Danif Rap-
I’m talking about what time did you get her there?
Zack Woody-
About 2.
Danif Rap-
We where working at 2?
Zack Woody-
… in the morning.
Danif Rap-
What?
Zack Woody-
I gambled my day away, went to go see “Hancock”, she was there, apparently he ditched her. Talked, counseled, flirted, and banged.
Danif Rap-
Wow…
Zack Woody-
That is indeed what she said.
Danif Rap-
Stop it.
Zack Woody-
Banging cheerleaders? No sir, for every great thing a man does, a terrible thing happens to him or vice-verse.
Danif Rap-
Karma?
Zack Woody-
Yes. I went $900 in Ebay debt and then banged a cheerleader. Karma, she’s the kind of girl that gives you the best sex ever but then never calls again.
Danif Rap-
Wow.
Zack Woody-
I know, I’m the pimp of pimps, the god of gods, the Batman Begins of Batman films.
Danif Rap-
I’m gonna be online tonight.
Zack Woody-
Who cares.
Danif Rap-
What?
Zack Woody-
Honestly. Why play World of Warcraft when I can bang a cheerleader?
Danif Rap-
It was probably a pity encounter.
Zack Woody-
What?
Danif Rap-
She felt sorry for herself for being stood up and felt sorry for you for being a uber-nerd. Happens all the time.
Zack Woody-
Pity encounter is still a encounter.
Danif Rap-
Besides, as you said it’s karma.
Zack Woody-
So?
Danif Rap-
Something bad is bound to happen to you know.
Zack Woody-
You are the least positive person I have and ever will know.
Danif Rap-
Look at the bright side.
Zack Woody-
What?
Danif Rap-
It’s Captain America’s funeral today.
Zack Woody-
You are a sad sack of shit indeed.
Danif Rap-
What?
Zack Woody-
“Look at the bright side, It’s Captain America’ FUCKING FUNERAL today!”.
Danif Rap-
So. You know I’ve been waiting for this issue for a long time.
Zack Woody-
Look at the actual bright side today, The re-print of The Killing Joke is out today.
Danif Rap-
Yea. Alan Moore’s pissed.
Zack Woody-
Of course. The man is pissed about everything. “Mr. Moore, we are willing to pay you 2 million dollars to put your name in the credits of Watchmen”. And then: “No thank you, fuck the establishment, long live magic!”.
Danif Rap-
Crazy old bastard.
Zack Woody-
You know, I would hate him if he hadn’t written my favorite graphic novels.
Danif Rap-
Right, right.
Zack Woody-
Up, looks like where home.
-The Maul’s Mall. Zack and Danif walk into it. Cut to them in “The Comic Shop”. Zack hits the lights and Danif grabs a box of comics and begins to open them. He puts them on shelves. Zack goes into a back room and is now wearing black shorts-
Zack Woody-
Hay, hay, hay, hay!
Danif Rap-
Well look at you, wearing pants… like a normal person, I better call your mom and tell the good news.
Zack Woody-
Fuck you.
Danif Rap-
When do you think Jane will get here?
Zack Woody-
When you do your job.
Danif Rap-
Look whose talking.
Zack Woody-
Those comics aren’t going to shelf themselves.
Danif Rap-
I’m the manager here, not you.
Zack Woody-
You’re the assistant manager you ass.
Danif Rap-
Harold is on vacation.
Zack Woody-
And he left you in his position?
Danif Rap-
Yes.
Zack Woody-
Damnit.
Danif Rap-
So, why don’t you go and do something useful and organize the DC direct figures?
Zack Woody-
Fine, fine, fine.
-Zack opens a box and starts to shelf DC direct boxes-
Danif Rap-
Hello?
Zack Woody-
Hay, hay, hay, hay!
Danif Rap-
What’s up?
Zack Woody-
Just got done out-bidding this prick on Ebay.
Danif Rap-
What was the item?
Zack Woody-
A statue of Jack Nicholson as The Joker.
Danif Rap-
What size?
Zack Woody-
Like, 10 inches.
Danif Rap-
Not official, right?
Zack Woody-
No, no. But it’s got some amazing detail.
Danif Rap-
How much did it go for?
Zack Woody-
168 bucks.
Danif Rap-
Your shitting me… right?
Zack Woody-
Nope.
Danif Rap-
How the hell are you gonna pay that?
Zack Woody-
Sell my liver.
Danif Rap-
Are you serious?
Zack Woody-
Why so serious?
Danif Rap-
That was a terrible set-up.
Zack Woody-
I know.
Danif Rap-
But, seriously?
Zack Woody-
I don’t know.
Danif Rap-
Wait a second… you kept biding away and you knew you couldn’t purchase the item?
Zack Woody-
It’s addicting, OKAY?
Danif Rap-
How much do you have?
Zack Woody-
Like 36 items…
Danif Rap-
I’m talking about money… wait: 36 items?
Zack Woody-
Yep.
Danif Rap-
Won?
Zack Woody-
Unpaid.
Danif Rap-
How the hell did they not band you?
Zack Woody-
Cause I won them all yesterday…
Danif Rap-
What the fuck?
Zack Woody-
I couldn’t help it. You weren’t on Warcraft, I had to do something!
Danif Rap-
And that something was to bid yourself into debt?
Zack Woody-
Yea.
Danif Rap-
What’s the total?
Zack Woody-
36.
Danif Rap-
No, I’m talking about the money!
Zack Woody-
Um… like a good $900.
Danif Rap-
Are you gonna purchase them?
Zack Woody-
Yes, they where some good items.
Danif Rap-
Have you completely lost your mind?
Zack Woody-
No… but if you give me a few days…
Danif Rap-
How much money do you have on you?
Zack Woody-
I got… like 23 bucks.
Danif Rap-
Holy shit.
Zack Woody-
Wait, why are you so fucking worried? Your not having to pay for it!
Danif Rap-
Yea… but it just bothers me.
Zack Woody-
Why?
Danif Rap-
Because what happens if you go to Vegas and start gambling away because I’m not online?
Zack Woody-
Everything is going to be fine.
Danif Rap-
I’m pulling in you front yard right now… and your not wearing any pants.
-Danif pulls in Zack’s front yard. He has a green “1 Up” shirt on and Iron Man boxers. He runs up to Danif’s window-
Danif Rap-
Where’s your pants?
Zack Woody-
At the shop.
Danif Rap-
Why are your pants at the shop?
Zack Woody-
Because I was there with a lady…
Danif Rap-
That is the dumbest excuse ever.
Zack Woody-
No it isn’t.
Danif Rap-
Then who was it?
Zack Woody-
Veronica Lily.
Danif Rap-
Veronica “I’m dating the quarterback” Lily?
Zack Woody-
Yes sir.
Danif Rap-
How in god’s name did that happen?
Zack Woody-
I’m a flirt.
Danif Rap-
You’re a drunk.
Zack Woody-
I told you… I don’t drink.
Danif Rap-
What about that time in 10th grade?
Zack Woody-
What time?
Danif Rap-
Exactly. Get in.
-Zack gets in Danif’s car. Danif begins to drive-
Danif Rap-
What time?
Zack Woody-
7:10 AM.
Danif Rap-
I’m talking about what time did you get her there?
Zack Woody-
About 2.
Danif Rap-
We where working at 2?
Zack Woody-
… in the morning.
Danif Rap-
What?
Zack Woody-
I gambled my day away, went to go see “Hancock”, she was there, apparently he ditched her. Talked, counseled, flirted, and banged.
Danif Rap-
Wow…
Zack Woody-
That is indeed what she said.
Danif Rap-
Stop it.
Zack Woody-
Banging cheerleaders? No sir, for every great thing a man does, a terrible thing happens to him or vice-verse.
Danif Rap-
Karma?
Zack Woody-
Yes. I went $900 in Ebay debt and then banged a cheerleader. Karma, she’s the kind of girl that gives you the best sex ever but then never calls again.
Danif Rap-
Wow.
Zack Woody-
I know, I’m the pimp of pimps, the god of gods, the Batman Begins of Batman films.
Danif Rap-
I’m gonna be online tonight.
Zack Woody-
Who cares.
Danif Rap-
What?
Zack Woody-
Honestly. Why play World of Warcraft when I can bang a cheerleader?
Danif Rap-
It was probably a pity encounter.
Zack Woody-
What?
Danif Rap-
She felt sorry for herself for being stood up and felt sorry for you for being a uber-nerd. Happens all the time.
Zack Woody-
Pity encounter is still a encounter.
Danif Rap-
Besides, as you said it’s karma.
Zack Woody-
So?
Danif Rap-
Something bad is bound to happen to you know.
Zack Woody-
You are the least positive person I have and ever will know.
Danif Rap-
Look at the bright side.
Zack Woody-
What?
Danif Rap-
It’s Captain America’s funeral today.
Zack Woody-
You are a sad sack of shit indeed.
Danif Rap-
What?
Zack Woody-
“Look at the bright side, It’s Captain America’ FUCKING FUNERAL today!”.
Danif Rap-
So. You know I’ve been waiting for this issue for a long time.
Zack Woody-
Look at the actual bright side today, The re-print of The Killing Joke is out today.
Danif Rap-
Yea. Alan Moore’s pissed.
Zack Woody-
Of course. The man is pissed about everything. “Mr. Moore, we are willing to pay you 2 million dollars to put your name in the credits of Watchmen”. And then: “No thank you, fuck the establishment, long live magic!”.
Danif Rap-
Crazy old bastard.
Zack Woody-
You know, I would hate him if he hadn’t written my favorite graphic novels.
Danif Rap-
Right, right.
Zack Woody-
Up, looks like where home.
-The Maul’s Mall. Zack and Danif walk into it. Cut to them in “The Comic Shop”. Zack hits the lights and Danif grabs a box of comics and begins to open them. He puts them on shelves. Zack goes into a back room and is now wearing black shorts-
Zack Woody-
Hay, hay, hay, hay!
Danif Rap-
Well look at you, wearing pants… like a normal person, I better call your mom and tell the good news.
Zack Woody-
Fuck you.
Danif Rap-
When do you think Jane will get here?
Zack Woody-
When you do your job.
Danif Rap-
Look whose talking.
Zack Woody-
Those comics aren’t going to shelf themselves.
Danif Rap-
I’m the manager here, not you.
Zack Woody-
You’re the assistant manager you ass.
Danif Rap-
Harold is on vacation.
Zack Woody-
And he left you in his position?
Danif Rap-
Yes.
Zack Woody-
Damnit.
Danif Rap-
So, why don’t you go and do something useful and organize the DC direct figures?
Zack Woody-
Fine, fine, fine.
-Zack opens a box and starts to shelf DC direct boxes-
