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Post by TStape on Jul 24, 2011 4:27:44 GMT -5
Plot: Two brothers, Harold and Louis, struggle to maintain themselves and their true nature as they adapt to the changing world around them. Harold has just returned from the war, and it changed him. He lives in a state of constant agony and cannot escape the personal demons that surround him. He wishes to get his feet back on the ground. His brother Louis offers him a job as a consultant in his corporation, yet Harold denies. The two try and convince each other to change their ways, Harold the path of honesty and Louis the path of convenience. Their story is the one of changing times, integrity and the path of men. Cast: Michael Fassbender as Harold Holliday Daniel Craig as Louis Holliday Robert Redford as Jay Holliday Sam Waterston as Nick Reynolds Rachel McAdams as Marguerite Nichols Tom Felton as Jude Trivia: - The title comes from a quote from my favorite novel of all time, The Great Gatsby. Hence Robert Redford and Sam Waterston's presence. -Based off a stage play I wrote. It was awhile ago when I wrote it and it was purely to just write one. The entire play takes place in one room and was only meant to be about fifteen to twenty minutes long. Only three characters were in that. Harold, Louis and Marguerite. It was written for my friends to act in and I was to film it. Nothing special. Just in a room with them acting. It fell through but I like the idea and want to expand on this. I'll post the trailer in the next post because its getting crowded in this one. Episodes:Episode One "Pilot"
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Post by TStape on Jul 24, 2011 4:35:56 GMT -5
TRAILEREXT. AIRFIELD -- DAY
A plane lands. Harold steps off if, luggage in hand. Louis and Marguerite wait for him, waving. He reaches them and hugs them both. Marguerite gives him a kiss. His brother kisses him on the cheek.
LOUIS Welcome back, Harry.
There is a fast montage of clips.
CUT TO:
INT. PARLOR ROOM
Harold and Louis are both wearing nice suits. They drink wine together in front of a fireplace while sitting down.
HAROLD What am I doing here tonight, Louis?
LOUIS Can't a man have a simple dinner with his bother?
HAROLD A man could. You, on the the other hand...
Louis smiles and takes a drink of his wine.
CUT TO:
INT. HOSPITAL
Nick, Harold and Marguerite stand together, dressed casually but nice.
NICK Harry, your father only has so much longer to live. But knowing him, he'll push through.
CUT TO:
INT. BEDROOM
Harold lays down in a bed. He is shirtless as the rest of the covers are draped over his lower half. Marguerite walks over to the bed and begins to crawl onto it in her lingerie.
MARGUERITE You've been away for far too long, Harold.
The two kiss.
CUT TO:
EXT. HARBOR -- NIGHT
Louis stands on a dock, looking out into the night sky. Two men approach behind him. They both are wearing all black, ski masks and hold silenced guns.
They near Louis, who turns around and smiles.
LOUIS You think that's enough to stop me?
CUT TO:
INT. PARLOR ROOM
Harold and Louis sit together again, later in the coversation.
HAROLD Let me tell you something brother. Times, they're changing.
CUT TO:
EXT. STREET -- DAY
Harold and Marguerite walk together down a crowded street at a brisk pace. Harold constantly looks over his shoulder.
HAROLD (V.O.) (CONT.) People aren't the same and they never will be. I don't even know why I do have the things I do anymore outside of the fact that its what I'm expected to do.
CUT TO:
INT. HOSPITAL
Jay lays in his hospital bed. Harold and Louis stand over him, crying.
HAROLD (V.O.) (CONT.) Sometimes, I get that glimmer of hope.
CUT TO:
INT. ROOM
CLOSE-UP: Marguerite's Face. She smiles.
HAROLD (V.O.) (CONT.) That instance where everything feels right. And I continue on.
CUT TO:
EXT. ROOFTOP BUILDING
Louis holds a gun out pointing it at Nick. Nick stands on the edge of the building about to fall off.
HAROLD (V.O.) (CONT.) We all get that feeling that what we're doing is the right course of action, despite what others thing.
CUT TO:
EXT. BOAT -- NIGHT
Harold sits on a boat. In front of him is a briefcase and a gun. He runs his hands through his hair, tears streaming down his face. He reaches for the gun and we see his that his hand is covered in blood.
HAROLD (V.O.) (CONT.) So we continue on, our faces towards the wind. We don't stop until we achieve what we set out for.
CUT TO:
INT. PARLOR ROOM
Harold and Louis are still sitting down together.
LOUIS And what if you stand in my way while you get what you want?
HAROLD Then I suppose you'll stop me.
LOUIS I suppose I will.
CUT TO BLACK
"SON OF GOD"
"Coming Soon"
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Post by Legend on Jul 24, 2011 13:58:35 GMT -5
And here I was thinking this would be a sitcom about Jesus's various mishaps and adventures. Damn.
Looks good though
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Post by TStape on Jul 24, 2011 14:48:03 GMT -5
And here I was thinking this would be a sitcom about Jesus's various mishaps and adventures. Damn. Looks good though That's my other story of course "J Creezy and the Disciples" Coming this fall to CBS. Thank you though.
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Post by TStape on Jul 27, 2011 3:39:41 GMT -5
I expect this to be out sometime during the weekend. Yes, that's right people. I'm actually following through. Still, this will be up against two other pilots I'm writing and whichever gets your vote will be what I work on throughout the course of the next year.
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Post by TStape on Jul 31, 2011 2:08:52 GMT -5
The pilot is up sirs! Read, read, read!
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Post by Xplayadam on Jul 31, 2011 12:49:50 GMT -5
Didn't read the trailer until today, it's a fucking well-crafted trailer my friend. Plan on the reading the pilot later today.
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Post by TStape on Jul 31, 2011 17:47:45 GMT -5
Didn't read the trailer until today, it's a fucking well-crafted trailer my friend. Plan on the reading the pilot later today. Thank you sir. Hope you enjoy it.
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Post by Jester- PsychoBunnyProductions on Aug 5, 2011 5:34:16 GMT -5
Right, just finished reading it. And to reassure you I didn't skip a single word. I read everything in one go and actually really enjoyed it. Your strongest work yet, but to be fair I havent read anything of yours for a good few years :s.
It was well written. I was sucked into it straight after the first scene in the cafe. I think all the characters were clear and developed, apart from Louis. He was the only character that I couldn't peg. Like one minute from the cafe scene I felt he was one person, then later during his talk with his brother by the fireplace I felt he was a totally different character. But on the other hand that interested me about him.
Then came the hook that something isn't quite what it seems. To be honest I assumed I was reading a drama which would turn out fairly serious. That hook surprised me. I had no idea that was the angle that your show was going for but I liked it. I would maybe suggest that in the opening moments you should possibly add in a hook then. So straight off we're aware that we're watching something that isn't quite what it seems.
Problems I had with it would probably be Harolds lack of hauntingness. Not a word, but ya get what I mean. I just think he needed to be a little more shaken by the war.
One bit of dialogue which was odd was Harold saying Dad on minute, Father the next. I'd just settle for one.
I like the fact you include gestures of what the characters are doing. That was a really nice touch actually.
Great cliffhanger. Looking forward to how this develops. It was a great and easy read. Interesting as hell.
Loved the teaser for your next project too. Especially the end. Nice twist on the J man.
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Post by TStape on Aug 5, 2011 12:07:58 GMT -5
It was well written. I was sucked into it straight after the first scene in the cafe. I think all the characters were clear and developed, apart from Louis. He was the only character that I couldn't peg. Like one minute from the cafe scene I felt he was one person, then later during his talk with his brother by the fireplace I felt he was a totally different character. But on the other hand that interested me about him. I'll just say there is, obviously, something to Louis that isn't scene yet. Not going to say what, but its definitely there. Not sure what you're getting at here. I mean, I know what you're referring to but are you talking about the tonal shift? I didn't think it was that obvious. I just wrote the pilot and had in mind of what was going to happen in the overall series and used this as a taste of what was to come. I won't say there will be "action" scenes but more along the lines of men using guns to help their talking. One thing I want to say is that I see the show as a bit of mad men as far as the ensemble cast I'm going to try and add in but with more of a personal touch. The business is not going to be something that dictates the characters rather the characters will dictate the business. If that makes sense. Basically, the characters are the total main focus. I had already thought of this and it'll grow, that's the least I will say. I didn't think of that, I'll make sure to keep an eye on that. I was unsure whether that would deter people or draw them in. I just got so damn tired of half the script being blocks of dialogue. I figured this would be a good way to help build the ongoing scene because sometimes that initial description is hard to put so many things into. Well thank you sir! I'm glad you got around to reading it. I plan for it to be, the first "season" at least, about 6-8 episodes. With an open ending to let things develop. Thank you again. As far as that's concerned, I'm having much larger writers block compared to everything else. Still going to at least try and put out the pilot and then decide which to focus on.
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Post by TStape on Aug 6, 2011 4:00:18 GMT -5
Okay so I've scrapped the idea of working on two other pilots because this has won over my love. The Star Wars project is being held up on my end, because I have major writers block on it. I'm going to plan out the entire series extensively to the point of completion and then write the scripts. In the mean time, I will be outlining a film script that will be first in a series. I've already written down a lot of notes. Only a matter of time until I finish it completely and work on the script. I'll post a thread about it probably tomorrow night.
And a word about this show, take into account to shift at the end of the pilot. I'm trying to include lots of twists and turns in here.
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Post by Jester- PsychoBunnyProductions on Aug 6, 2011 6:19:35 GMT -5
I would love to see more of this show.
The tonal shirt was good, but I honestly thought I was going to read a script about a man dealing with returning to civilization and coming to terms with the horrors of war. I was quite, and pleasantly surprised by the under current of this mystery (the events of the past) and the vague business which keeps getting teased at. It really sucked me in. I want more!
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Post by TStape on Aug 6, 2011 13:40:44 GMT -5
I would love to see more of this show. The tonal shirt was good, but I honestly thought I was going to read a script about a man dealing with returning to civilization and coming to terms with the horrors of war. I was quite, and pleasantly surprised by the under current of this mystery (the events of the past) and the vague business which keeps getting teased at. It really sucked me in. I want more! Then you shall receive more sir!
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Post by Legend on Aug 6, 2011 18:29:09 GMT -5
Just finished it my man, and I liked it. Still very confused as to where the plot is going at all but I guess it is a pilot and that is to be expected. The first thing that got me really interested was the mention of the company and its shady past, I'm a sucker for shit like that. Overall I thought it was a good pilot in terms of introducing us to the characters and somewhat to the premise. Definitely a good pilot to get me to keep reading to find out what is going on. I'd hope for a little more explanation on the company and whatnot in the next few episodes
Also, similar to what Jester mentioned and this is as small as a criticism as can be, but I did find it weird that they called their dad "dad" for a while then one of them called him "Jay." Just seemed a little out of place but really its nothing.
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Post by TStape on Aug 10, 2011 22:39:51 GMT -5
Just finished it my man, and I liked it. Still very confused as to where the plot is going at all but I guess it is a pilot and that is to be expected. The first thing that got me really interested was the mention of the company and its shady past, I'm a sucker for shit like that. Overall I thought it was a good pilot in terms of introducing us to the characters and somewhat to the premise. Definitely a good pilot to get me to keep reading to find out what is going on. I'd hope for a little more explanation on the company and whatnot in the next few episodes Also, similar to what Jester mentioned and this is as small as a criticism as can be, but I did find it weird that they called their dad "dad" for a while then one of them called him "Jay." Just seemed a little out of place but really its nothing. I'll say this, the plot will have a clearer direction in the second episode. I realized after writing it that it seems to be askew and have different focal points but overall the main focus of the series is gonna be about the brothers and their struggle to keep afloat in an ever-changing world. The company will play a big but shadowed role, as are most companies in television shows. That's one thing I've taken from shows like Lost, Fringe or even Veronica Mars. I love cliffhangers/big mysteries. The company itself will be titled and shown what it is, as I really didn't even explain what business they're in. The man at the end of the pilot will be the Jacob from Lost of the show, if I could put it that way. Not that they operate the same or that they are the same type of person but they are both mysterious strangers that have a huge effect on the plot. Yeah, I honestly didn't really notice I did that. I'll make sure to fix that later on.
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