Post by Dale on Jan 17, 2008 14:57:27 GMT -5
A Sinner in Happyland
Episode #2: "Cop Gets Something to Eat"
--------------------
Starring:
Christopher Meloni---Cop
Jorge Garcia---Hog
(Cristo Pictures presents)
(Fade to lemon ice cream cone surrounded by light)
Cop VO: Lemon…some have said it is the best of the original flavors of ice cream…until Baskin Robbins came along and changed our collective perspectives of ice cream flavor forever. But, despite its age, lemon has survived as, if not the best, one of the best flavors of ice cream. In fact, some would argue that lemon ice cream is good enough to kill over. But this killer took it one step further…he actually killed a human being over lemon ice cream.
(An old wrinkled disgusting hand grabs the cone)
Cop VO: The question is…why?
(Cut to Cop walking through the forest)
Virgil: He must’ve been awfully hungry.
Cop VO: UGHH…get out of my head. I can’t even think to myself without some invisible magical fairy talking to me.
Virgil: I’m not a fairy!
Cop VO: You sound like one.
Virgil: Look, just look at me like Jiminy Cricket. I’m your conscience because you don’t have one.
Cop VO: Ha ha. I wish you were a cricket so I could step on you. Matter of fact, I wish I could see you so I could shoot you in the face.
Virgil: Listen. I’m leading you to the Troll. You’re about to see the dark side of Happyland.
Cop VO: Are you talkin’ to me? Are you talkin’ to me? Do you know who I am? Do you know who I be? According to the flying midget I shot two episodes ago, I’ve got the darkest heart in my world. So get your trolls and your ogres and your billy goat gruff. I’m here to solve a murder and I’m not leaving until I do.
Virgil: You overestimate yourself.
Cop VO: That’s the difference between you and me. I can be estimated. But that’s okay…I’m finding an exorcist.
Virgil: All these insults…I gotta wonder why I’m still helping you.
Cop VO: I’m wondering that too. Man, I’m hungry. Is there anything to eat in Wonderland?
Virgil: It’s Happyland, and actually, that’s our next stop.
(Cut to a muddy landscape with hail and rain pouring down)
Cop VO: What the…?
Virgil: Hail. It falls constantly in this part of Happyland.
Cop VO: Everything else has been so sunny and bright.
Virgil: We’re getting closer to the Troll. This is just the beginning.
(Cut to a huge fat man struggling with a big piece of chicken)
Cop VO: What is he doing over in the middle of this crap?
Virgil: His name is Hog. He is always hungry…always eating something.
(Cut to Cop pulling out his 44 magnum)
Cop VO: I wonder if he likes ice cream.
(Cop walks over to Hog)
Cop: What is wrong with you? It’s pouring cats and dogs out here!
Hog: No, wit wisn’t! Wif wit was, wi’d wheat whem! Who whar whoo?
Cop: I’m looking for the Troll.
Hog: Wha WHOLL?!? Whar woo inwane?!? Nowoddy wees wha Wholl wexcept wose who whar dwamned.
Cop: What?
Hog: Wose who whar dwamned!
Cop: Dwamned?
Hog: Dwamned, woo widiot!
Cop: Do you know where the Troll is?
Hog: Do I wook wike I would whoa?
Cop: I’m getting nowhere with you and I’m hungry. Where’d you get that chicken?
Hog: What is whis? A winwerrogation? Whit wore whoan wicken!
(Cop aims the gun at Hog)
Cop: Give me that chicken now.
Hog: Woo won’t ware we! Wool WEVER WAKE WHY WICKEN!
(Cut to Hog jumping up and charging Cop)
(Cop shoots Hog in the stomach)
Hog: Oh wod!
Cop: Come on! Did you think you’d stand a chance against me, you big fat tub of lard?!? Give me that chicken!
(Cut to Cop snatching the chicken out of the mud and taking a bite)
(Hog lays there dying)
Hog: Wore winsults won’t effect we. Wime wig and weautiful.
(Hog dies in the rain)
Cop VO: Ah…that chicken sure hit the spot.
Virgil: You are a horrible excuse for a human being, you know that, right?
Cop VO: At least I’m a horrible excuse for something. You’re a horrible excuse for nothing. You don’t have an excuse!
Virgil: Shut up.
(Cut to Cop walking through all the rain and hail)
Cop VO: I’m hungry again. How long does this rain last?
Virgil: Seeing as you just killed a man for some food, you’d think you’d be able to wait.
Cop VO: I didn’t kill him for the food. I killed him because he was attacking me. Oh, who am I kidding? I killed him for the food.
Virgil: Then how does that make you any different than the murderer you are fervently seeking to bring to ‘justice’?
Cop VO: Because I am the title character. Don’t you know? I am a sinner. I am a disease to this land. I have a gun because I come from a place where you shoot first and ask questions later. If you don’t, you’ll end up getting shot. And everything’s the same under the surface. Everything’s rosy until you see the dark obese underbelly…the fat men in the mud and the princesses with herpes.
Virgil: Don’t forget the chicken with maggots in it.
Cop VO: Yeah, and the chicken with…Wait a minute, the chicken had…
(Cut to Cop throwing up in the mud)
Cop VO: I hate this place.
(Cut to maggots crawling on Cop’s tongue)
Cop VO: I feel like shooting myself in the mouth.
Virgil: Please…do us all a favor.
Cop VO: When I find the Troll, I’m killing him for all the trouble he’s put me through. So he better be praying that I don’t find him…’cause when I do, there won’t be room on Happyland for two dark hearts.
(Cut to a large grassy plain)
(Cop walks onto the plain and sighs)
Cop VO: I went through hail today. I had to deal with starvation, fat people, and muddy chicken with maggots on top. I’ve learned throughout my years living in Downtown Debauchery to be a pessimist…always looking for the worst in any given situation. I’ve found it here on Happyland. Maybe it’s my drive to solve the case that lends to my self-indulgence, both physically and mentally. Or maybe it’s the undying greed that stems from a heart darker than behind Batman’s ears. I’ve never been one to trust a midget when they’re flying, but something rang true in what the Pilot said. “Only the darkest heart can go between worlds.” Maybe it’s because only the darkest heart is not fazed by lands outside the realm of possibility. Maybe the darkest hearts knows deep down that even if you’re in the seediest NC-170 town there is, it’s no different at its very core….its very heart than the magical land of some preschooler’s favorite show. The worlds are no different…all are inherently evil and all have the same disease…greed. But, like Michael Douglas said, maybe greed is good.
(Cut to Cop seeing a mountain of food in the distance)
Cop VO: Maybe there is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Maybe there is a happy ending.
(Cop runs towards the mountain of food and dives into it)
(It suddenly vanishes)
Cop VO: A mirage?
(Cut to Cop’s enraged face)
Cop: I HATE HAPPYLAND!!!!
(The yell echoes across the landscape)
(Cut to the ice cream cone from the beginning)
(The same gnarled hand picks it up)
Voice: There is an evil sound in the air. Dark things are happening. I fear for Happyland. There are reports of animals being found slain in the forest. One of my trusted servants, the Pilot, was found dead for an inexplicable reason. The world is changing slowly. I feel that the Troll, in its quest to get the life-cream, has brought back a demon of great evil. A demon that will eventually destroy this happy land. I have sent out troops of the Flower Nation to find out the source of these evil occurrences, but it may be too much for even their strength.
(Cut to a robed man with wrinkled hands walking down a corridor with the ice cream cone)
Voice: But I am King. I will destroy this menace. The day has been unlit for far too long. It is time…for a NEW AGE!
(Cut to the ice cream cone being placed in a lantern-shaped object)
(Pan outside to see all of Happyland glow with multi-colored lights)
(Cut to Cop outside)
Cop: What is it…the Fourth of July or something?
Virgil: It is the lighting of the day.
Cop: Don’t they think the sun is enough?!?
(Cut to the robed man)
Robed Man: The day has been lit.
(The robed man takes off his hood to reveal the young healthy-looking King)
(Cut to his gnarly wrinkled hands)
King: My hands are tore up!
(The King pulls some lotion out of his pocket and rubs some on his hands)
(Cut to his now normal-looking hands)
King: Much better!
(Cut to Hog laying in the mud and hail)
Hog: What? Woboddy whares about we? Woboddy’s wonna wake we woo wha wospital? Woboddy’s wonna wut we win wha wambulance what whoas woo woo? Woboddy wants ta wit we wum wicken?!?
(cut to black)
(Cristo Pictures Inc.)
Hog: Wot weeven a wing?!?
Episode #2: "Cop Gets Something to Eat"
--------------------
Starring:
Christopher Meloni---Cop
Jorge Garcia---Hog
(Cristo Pictures presents)
(Fade to lemon ice cream cone surrounded by light)
Cop VO: Lemon…some have said it is the best of the original flavors of ice cream…until Baskin Robbins came along and changed our collective perspectives of ice cream flavor forever. But, despite its age, lemon has survived as, if not the best, one of the best flavors of ice cream. In fact, some would argue that lemon ice cream is good enough to kill over. But this killer took it one step further…he actually killed a human being over lemon ice cream.
(An old wrinkled disgusting hand grabs the cone)
Cop VO: The question is…why?
(Cut to Cop walking through the forest)
Virgil: He must’ve been awfully hungry.
Cop VO: UGHH…get out of my head. I can’t even think to myself without some invisible magical fairy talking to me.
Virgil: I’m not a fairy!
Cop VO: You sound like one.
Virgil: Look, just look at me like Jiminy Cricket. I’m your conscience because you don’t have one.
Cop VO: Ha ha. I wish you were a cricket so I could step on you. Matter of fact, I wish I could see you so I could shoot you in the face.
Virgil: Listen. I’m leading you to the Troll. You’re about to see the dark side of Happyland.
Cop VO: Are you talkin’ to me? Are you talkin’ to me? Do you know who I am? Do you know who I be? According to the flying midget I shot two episodes ago, I’ve got the darkest heart in my world. So get your trolls and your ogres and your billy goat gruff. I’m here to solve a murder and I’m not leaving until I do.
Virgil: You overestimate yourself.
Cop VO: That’s the difference between you and me. I can be estimated. But that’s okay…I’m finding an exorcist.
Virgil: All these insults…I gotta wonder why I’m still helping you.
Cop VO: I’m wondering that too. Man, I’m hungry. Is there anything to eat in Wonderland?
Virgil: It’s Happyland, and actually, that’s our next stop.
(Cut to a muddy landscape with hail and rain pouring down)
Cop VO: What the…?
Virgil: Hail. It falls constantly in this part of Happyland.
Cop VO: Everything else has been so sunny and bright.
Virgil: We’re getting closer to the Troll. This is just the beginning.
(Cut to a huge fat man struggling with a big piece of chicken)
Cop VO: What is he doing over in the middle of this crap?
Virgil: His name is Hog. He is always hungry…always eating something.
(Cut to Cop pulling out his 44 magnum)
Cop VO: I wonder if he likes ice cream.
(Cop walks over to Hog)
Cop: What is wrong with you? It’s pouring cats and dogs out here!
Hog: No, wit wisn’t! Wif wit was, wi’d wheat whem! Who whar whoo?
Cop: I’m looking for the Troll.
Hog: Wha WHOLL?!? Whar woo inwane?!? Nowoddy wees wha Wholl wexcept wose who whar dwamned.
Cop: What?
Hog: Wose who whar dwamned!
Cop: Dwamned?
Hog: Dwamned, woo widiot!
Cop: Do you know where the Troll is?
Hog: Do I wook wike I would whoa?
Cop: I’m getting nowhere with you and I’m hungry. Where’d you get that chicken?
Hog: What is whis? A winwerrogation? Whit wore whoan wicken!
(Cop aims the gun at Hog)
Cop: Give me that chicken now.
Hog: Woo won’t ware we! Wool WEVER WAKE WHY WICKEN!
(Cut to Hog jumping up and charging Cop)
(Cop shoots Hog in the stomach)
Hog: Oh wod!
Cop: Come on! Did you think you’d stand a chance against me, you big fat tub of lard?!? Give me that chicken!
(Cut to Cop snatching the chicken out of the mud and taking a bite)
(Hog lays there dying)
Hog: Wore winsults won’t effect we. Wime wig and weautiful.
(Hog dies in the rain)
Cop VO: Ah…that chicken sure hit the spot.
Virgil: You are a horrible excuse for a human being, you know that, right?
Cop VO: At least I’m a horrible excuse for something. You’re a horrible excuse for nothing. You don’t have an excuse!
Virgil: Shut up.
(Cut to Cop walking through all the rain and hail)
Cop VO: I’m hungry again. How long does this rain last?
Virgil: Seeing as you just killed a man for some food, you’d think you’d be able to wait.
Cop VO: I didn’t kill him for the food. I killed him because he was attacking me. Oh, who am I kidding? I killed him for the food.
Virgil: Then how does that make you any different than the murderer you are fervently seeking to bring to ‘justice’?
Cop VO: Because I am the title character. Don’t you know? I am a sinner. I am a disease to this land. I have a gun because I come from a place where you shoot first and ask questions later. If you don’t, you’ll end up getting shot. And everything’s the same under the surface. Everything’s rosy until you see the dark obese underbelly…the fat men in the mud and the princesses with herpes.
Virgil: Don’t forget the chicken with maggots in it.
Cop VO: Yeah, and the chicken with…Wait a minute, the chicken had…
(Cut to Cop throwing up in the mud)
Cop VO: I hate this place.
(Cut to maggots crawling on Cop’s tongue)
Cop VO: I feel like shooting myself in the mouth.
Virgil: Please…do us all a favor.
Cop VO: When I find the Troll, I’m killing him for all the trouble he’s put me through. So he better be praying that I don’t find him…’cause when I do, there won’t be room on Happyland for two dark hearts.
(Cut to a large grassy plain)
(Cop walks onto the plain and sighs)
Cop VO: I went through hail today. I had to deal with starvation, fat people, and muddy chicken with maggots on top. I’ve learned throughout my years living in Downtown Debauchery to be a pessimist…always looking for the worst in any given situation. I’ve found it here on Happyland. Maybe it’s my drive to solve the case that lends to my self-indulgence, both physically and mentally. Or maybe it’s the undying greed that stems from a heart darker than behind Batman’s ears. I’ve never been one to trust a midget when they’re flying, but something rang true in what the Pilot said. “Only the darkest heart can go between worlds.” Maybe it’s because only the darkest heart is not fazed by lands outside the realm of possibility. Maybe the darkest hearts knows deep down that even if you’re in the seediest NC-170 town there is, it’s no different at its very core….its very heart than the magical land of some preschooler’s favorite show. The worlds are no different…all are inherently evil and all have the same disease…greed. But, like Michael Douglas said, maybe greed is good.
(Cut to Cop seeing a mountain of food in the distance)
Cop VO: Maybe there is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Maybe there is a happy ending.
(Cop runs towards the mountain of food and dives into it)
(It suddenly vanishes)
Cop VO: A mirage?
(Cut to Cop’s enraged face)
Cop: I HATE HAPPYLAND!!!!
(The yell echoes across the landscape)
(Cut to the ice cream cone from the beginning)
(The same gnarled hand picks it up)
Voice: There is an evil sound in the air. Dark things are happening. I fear for Happyland. There are reports of animals being found slain in the forest. One of my trusted servants, the Pilot, was found dead for an inexplicable reason. The world is changing slowly. I feel that the Troll, in its quest to get the life-cream, has brought back a demon of great evil. A demon that will eventually destroy this happy land. I have sent out troops of the Flower Nation to find out the source of these evil occurrences, but it may be too much for even their strength.
(Cut to a robed man with wrinkled hands walking down a corridor with the ice cream cone)
Voice: But I am King. I will destroy this menace. The day has been unlit for far too long. It is time…for a NEW AGE!
(Cut to the ice cream cone being placed in a lantern-shaped object)
(Pan outside to see all of Happyland glow with multi-colored lights)
(Cut to Cop outside)
Cop: What is it…the Fourth of July or something?
Virgil: It is the lighting of the day.
Cop: Don’t they think the sun is enough?!?
(Cut to the robed man)
Robed Man: The day has been lit.
(The robed man takes off his hood to reveal the young healthy-looking King)
(Cut to his gnarly wrinkled hands)
King: My hands are tore up!
(The King pulls some lotion out of his pocket and rubs some on his hands)
(Cut to his now normal-looking hands)
King: Much better!
(Cut to Hog laying in the mud and hail)
Hog: What? Woboddy whares about we? Woboddy’s wonna wake we woo wha wospital? Woboddy’s wonna wut we win wha wambulance what whoas woo woo? Woboddy wants ta wit we wum wicken?!?
(cut to black)
(Cristo Pictures Inc.)
Hog: Wot weeven a wing?!?
