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Post by blaggers on Aug 1, 2008 11:06:24 GMT -5
-Danif Rap’s room. There are clothes on the floor and a huge “Army of Darkness” poster on the wall. He hits his alarm clock that reads “6:49 AM”. Danif rolls out of bed and goes toward his closet. He grabs a “Pulp Fiction” t-shirt and puts it on along with some blue jeans. Danif turns around to a shelf full of assorted collectables (Hellboy figures, Captain America busts, Batman cowl, ect.) and grabs a pair of red shoes and puts them on. He walks out of his bedroom and into the kitchen, Danif opens a box of pop-tarts and puts them in the toaster. He turns straight around to the Bathroom and brushes his teeth and applies Old Spice deodorant. He returns to grab the pop-tarts and his cell-phone then walks outside and gets in his car and begins to drive. Danif’s phone rings-
Danif Rap-
Hello?
Zack Woody-
Hay, hay, hay, hay!
Danif Rap-
What’s up?
Zack Woody-
Just got done out-bidding this prick on Ebay.
Danif Rap-
What was the item?
Zack Woody-
A statue of Jack Nicholson as The Joker.
Danif Rap-
What size?
Zack Woody-
Like, 10 inches.
Danif Rap-
Not official, right?
Zack Woody-
No, no. But it’s got some amazing detail.
Danif Rap-
How much did it go for?
Zack Woody-
168 bucks.
Danif Rap-
Your shitting me… right?
Zack Woody-
Nope.
Danif Rap-
How the hell are you gonna pay that?
Zack Woody-
Sell my liver.
Danif Rap-
Are you serious?
Zack Woody-
Why so serious?
Danif Rap-
That was a terrible set-up.
Zack Woody-
I know.
Danif Rap-
But, seriously?
Zack Woody-
I don’t know.
Danif Rap-
Wait a second… you kept biding away and you knew you couldn’t purchase the item?
Zack Woody-
It’s addicting, OKAY?
Danif Rap-
How much do you have?
Zack Woody-
Like 36 items…
Danif Rap-
I’m talking about money… wait: 36 items?
Zack Woody-
Yep.
Danif Rap-
Won?
Zack Woody-
Unpaid.
Danif Rap-
How the hell did they not band you?
Zack Woody-
Cause I won them all yesterday…
Danif Rap-
What the fuck?
Zack Woody-
I couldn’t help it. You weren’t on Warcraft, I had to do something!
Danif Rap-
And that something was to bid yourself into debt?
Zack Woody-
Yea.
Danif Rap-
What’s the total?
Zack Woody-
36.
Danif Rap-
No, I’m talking about the money!
Zack Woody-
Um… like a good $900.
Danif Rap-
Are you gonna purchase them?
Zack Woody-
Yes, they where some good items.
Danif Rap-
Have you completely lost your mind?
Zack Woody-
No… but if you give me a few days…
Danif Rap-
How much money do you have on you?
Zack Woody-
I got… like 23 bucks.
Danif Rap-
Holy shit.
Zack Woody-
Wait, why are you so fucking worried? Your not having to pay for it!
Danif Rap-
Yea… but it just bothers me.
Zack Woody-
Why?
Danif Rap-
Because what happens if you go to Vegas and start gambling away because I’m not online?
Zack Woody-
Everything is going to be fine.
Danif Rap-
I’m pulling in you front yard right now… and your not wearing any pants.
-Danif pulls in Zack’s front yard. He has a green “1 Up” shirt on and Iron Man boxers. He runs up to Danif’s window-
Danif Rap-
Where’s your pants?
Zack Woody-
At the shop.
Danif Rap-
Why are your pants at the shop?
Zack Woody-
Because I was there with a lady…
Danif Rap-
That is the dumbest excuse ever.
Zack Woody-
No it isn’t.
Danif Rap-
Then who was it?
Zack Woody-
Veronica Lily.
Danif Rap-
Veronica “I’m dating the quarterback” Lily?
Zack Woody-
Yes sir.
Danif Rap-
How in god’s name did that happen?
Zack Woody-
I’m a flirt.
Danif Rap-
You’re a drunk.
Zack Woody-
I told you… I don’t drink.
Danif Rap-
What about that time in 10th grade?
Zack Woody-
What time?
Danif Rap-
Exactly. Get in.
-Zack gets in Danif’s car. Danif begins to drive-
Danif Rap-
What time?
Zack Woody-
7:10 AM.
Danif Rap-
I’m talking about what time did you get her there?
Zack Woody-
About 2.
Danif Rap-
We where working at 2?
Zack Woody-
… in the morning.
Danif Rap-
What?
Zack Woody-
I gambled my day away, went to go see “Hancock”, she was there, apparently he ditched her. Talked, counseled, flirted, and banged.
Danif Rap-
Wow…
Zack Woody-
That is indeed what she said.
Danif Rap-
Stop it.
Zack Woody-
Banging cheerleaders? No sir, for every great thing a man does, a terrible thing happens to him or vice-verse.
Danif Rap-
Karma?
Zack Woody-
Yes. I went $900 in Ebay debt and then banged a cheerleader. Karma, she’s the kind of girl that gives you the best sex ever but then never calls again.
Danif Rap-
Wow.
Zack Woody-
I know, I’m the pimp of pimps, the god of gods, the Batman Begins of Batman films.
Danif Rap-
I’m gonna be online tonight.
Zack Woody-
Who cares.
Danif Rap-
What?
Zack Woody-
Honestly. Why play World of Warcraft when I can bang a cheerleader?
Danif Rap-
It was probably a pity encounter.
Zack Woody-
What?
Danif Rap-
She felt sorry for herself for being stood up and felt sorry for you for being a uber-nerd. Happens all the time.
Zack Woody-
Pity encounter is still a encounter.
Danif Rap-
Besides, as you said it’s karma.
Zack Woody-
So?
Danif Rap-
Something bad is bound to happen to you know.
Zack Woody-
You are the least positive person I have and ever will know.
Danif Rap-
Look at the bright side.
Zack Woody-
What?
Danif Rap-
It’s Captain America’s funeral today.
Zack Woody-
You are a sad sack of shit indeed.
Danif Rap-
What?
Zack Woody-
“Look at the bright side, It’s Captain America’ FUCKING FUNERAL today!”.
Danif Rap-
So. You know I’ve been waiting for this issue for a long time.
Zack Woody-
Look at the actual bright side today, The re-print of The Killing Joke is out today.
Danif Rap-
Yea. Alan Moore’s pissed.
Zack Woody-
Of course. The man is pissed about everything. “Mr. Moore, we are willing to pay you 2 million dollars to put your name in the credits of Watchmen”. And then: “No thank you, fuck the establishment, long live magic!”.
Danif Rap-
Crazy old bastard.
Zack Woody-
You know, I would hate him if he hadn’t written my favorite graphic novels.
Danif Rap-
Right, right.
Zack Woody-
Up, looks like where home.
-The Maul’s Mall. Zack and Danif walk into it. Cut to them in “The Comic Shop”. Zack hits the lights and Danif grabs a box of comics and begins to open them. He puts them on shelves. Zack goes into a back room and is now wearing black shorts-
Zack Woody-
Hay, hay, hay, hay!
Danif Rap-
Well look at you, wearing pants… like a normal person, I better call your mom and tell the good news.
Zack Woody-
Fuck you.
Danif Rap-
When do you think Jane will get here?
Zack Woody-
When you do your job.
Danif Rap-
Look whose talking.
Zack Woody-
Those comics aren’t going to shelf themselves.
Danif Rap-
I’m the manager here, not you.
Zack Woody-
You’re the assistant manager you ass.
Danif Rap-
Harold is on vacation.
Zack Woody-
And he left you in his position?
Danif Rap-
Yes.
Zack Woody-
Damnit.
Danif Rap-
So, why don’t you go and do something useful and organize the DC direct figures?
Zack Woody-
Fine, fine, fine.
-Zack opens a box and starts to shelf DC direct boxes-
Zack Woody-
You know what?
Danif Rap-
What?
Zack Woody-
There isn’t many flat-chested super-heroes.
Danif Rap-
You rant about this at least twice a day.
Zack Woody-
Doesn’t It kinda make you wonder? Why do all super-heroes have double Ds? Even the fucking Hulk has big tits.
Danif Rap-
Yesterday it was The Thing.
Zack Woody-
Yea, but then I realized that those weren’t real. There rock hard.
Danif Rap-
Implants?
Zack Woody-
You’re a real smart mother fucker today, aren’t you?
Danif Rap-
Yea.
Zack Woody-
I’m done.
Danif Rap-
Then why don’t you go grab two milkshakes and bring them here?
Zack Woody-
Fine, fine, fine, whatever you say.
Danif Rap-
I like this job.
Zack Woody-
It’s not a job. It’s a life-style.
Danif Rap-
Right….
-Zack gets up and walks toward a ice-cream store. There is a tall looking man running it-
Zack Woody-
What’s up, Mr. Balladeer?
Mr. Balladeer-
Nothing. Just making a living…
Zack Woody-
I hear. How old are you now?
Mr. Balladeer-
Zack, you know it’s rude to ask a older gentleman how old he is.
Zack Woody-
A gentleman? You work in a mall!
Mr. Balladeer-
Please have some respect. Times have been tough.
Zack Woody-
That’s right. Mr. Fluff died.
Mr. Balladeer-
I’m still having a tough time getting over it.
Zack Woody-
Look, Tom, your 36 now?
Mr. Balladeer-
That doesn’t matter… and it’s 35 for your information.
Zack Woody-
You need to get out of here and get a girlfriend.
Mr. Balladeer-
You know I have a condition.
Zack Woody-
Who cares if you live with you mom? I do to and I get chicks.
Mr. Balladeer-
Yes but… what if I wanted to do something private?
Zack Woody-
Take them here.
Mr. Balladeer-
What? That’s crazy.
Zack Woody-
That’s what I did last night.
Mr. Balladeer-
So you weren’t watching a intense game of football with your sister last night!
Zack Woody-
I don’t know anything about football, you know that and besides, I don’t even have a sister.
Mr. Balladeer-
Then what do you suggest?
Zack Woody-
You grow up.
Mr. Balladeer-
What did you come here for?
Zack Woody-
The usual.
Mr. Balladeer-
Two milkshakes?
Zack Woody-
Yes sir.
Mr. Balladeer-
So… what are you doing today?
Zack Woody-
Not going to your house to play twister naked.
-Zack grabs the milkshakes and walks off-
Mr. Balladeer-
Fucking prick.
-Return to The Comic Shop. Zack hands Danif a milkshake and they sit behind the counter drinking them-
Danif Rap-
How was Mr. Balladeer today?
Zack Woody-
Trying to rape me as usual.
Danif Rap-
You know what, I don’t like the way you talk about him.
Zack Woody-
Why? Cause he sucked your toes and jerked you off at the same time?
Danif Rap-
No…
-Danif throws-up a little bit of milkshake-
Zack Woody-
WHAT THE FUCK?
Danif Rap-
He is a nice guy. He doesn’t have anyone. He finds joy out of his job and there you come to fuck around with him.
Zack Woody-
If I didn’t know that Becky Smathers gave you a handjob in the backroom in the middle of lunch in 9th grade, I’d seriously think you where gay for Mr. Balladeer, of course, it’s never too late.
Danif Rap-
Will you stop talking like that?
Zack Woody-
What do you mean?
Danif Rap-
Talking all raunchy and stuff.
Zack Woody-
It happened right… or was it a story to cover up the fact you’re a flaming homo?
Danif Rap-
Just stop it man.
Zack Woody-
Even more flaming then The Flaming Carrot?
Danif Rap-
God, when is Jane gonna get here!
Zack Woody-
When you stop acting like a coward and ask her out.
Danif Rap-
She’s just a friend.
Zack Woody-
I really good, talk with her for 8 hours on the phone when you get home and go to every movie and social even with kind of friend, right?
Danif Rap-
You never have had a really good friend that happens to be a girl?
Zack Woody-
Yea.
Danif Rap-
Who?
Zack Woody-
You.
Danif Rap-
Shutup.
Zack Woody-
Can’t promise. She obviously likes you, a lot and she’s a virgin.
Danif Rap-
How would you know?
Zack Woody-
Cause that night we went to her house to play Halo 3, I snuck into her room and went there her personal crap including her diary.
Danif Rap-
You’re a nosey fucker, aren’t you?
Zack Woody-
What did you expect me to do? Act like a good little boy and not go through all of her personal stuff?
Danif Rap-
You truly are a pig, aren’t you?
Zack Woody-
No, I’m just curious and if you turn this into a gay joke then I’m gonna bitch slap you back to Hoth.
Danif Rap-
Hay, look, it’s our first costumer.
Zack Woody-
Is that… Joan Del Ringo?
Danif Rap-
Who is he?
Zack Woody-
He produces crappy comic-book films that are basic knock-offs like last year’s surprise hit, The Blind Lawyer.
Danif Rap-
Sounds like Daredevil.
Zack Woody-
Don’t be stupid.
-Joan Del Ringo walks in-
Zack Woody-
What can we do you for?
Joan Del Ringo-
I’s looking for a… cumic boof to make’a into moofie.
Zack Woody-
We don’t speak Hollywood.
Danif Rap-
He’ looking for a comic book to make into a movie.
Joan Del Ringo-
Yes, I is.
Zack Woody-
Look Yoda, I saw The Blind Lawyer and want my money back.
Joan Del Ringo-
You dive’nt unjoy tha moofie?
Zack Woody-
No, I didn’t.
Joan Del Ringo-
I apofoguizes FAR yous bad tastesies in moofies.
Zack Woody-
Did he just say that he “a puffy a guys far bad testies in movies?”
Joan Del Ringo-
Von’t muck me!
Zack Woody-
Get your ass back to bollywood before I call mall-security.
Joan Del Ringo-
Vhat?
Zack Woody-
Out.
Joan Del Ringo-
Vine, you does’int neve my munies anyWHO!
-Joan Del Ringo leaves-
Danif Rap-
I’m sorry but what just happened?
Zack Woody-
I honestly don’t know.
Danif Rap-
Well….
Zack Woody-
I’m gonna go place a order.
Danif Rap-
For what?
Zack Woody-
More Sandman graphic novels.
Danif Rap-
Alright.
-Zack walks off toward a computer. Jane Willow walks in with a “I Believe in Harvey Dent” shirt, blue jeans, a green and brown striped mini-skirt over it and her hair pulled back-
Danif Rap-
It’s my favorite person.
Jane Willow-
You don’t have to be so nice.
Danif Rap-
I know.
Jane Willow-
Was that the producer of The Blind Lawyer?
Zack Woody-
Yes that was, did he get you a role in The Blind Lawyer II: Justice is Blind for showing off your tits?
Jane Willow-
God, why is he in a pissy mood?
Danif Rap-
Cause he is about 900 dollars in debt from Ebay.
Jane Willow-
Your joking right?
Danif Rap-
Nope, he bid himself into the poor house yesterday.
Jane Willow-
You can get into a lot of trouble that way, you know that, right?
Zack Woody-
Yea, but fuck it, just a bunch of grumpy assholes trying to hawk over there dusty collectables for money, it’s not like there trying to feed there children.
Jane Willow-
My mother sold all of her Barbies, in mint condition to pay my way to college.
Zack Woody-
Yea, put it’s not like college really matters. Besides, you still got another week until school’s out and then you get a whole summer till college starts, nothing to worry about.
Jane Willow-
Are you going to college?
Zack Woody-
Fuck no.
Jane Willow-
Why not?
Zack Woody-
Cause college is for people who want to succeed by going through another 8 year’s worth of school. I’m the kinda guy who’s just going to succeed instantly.
Jane Willow-
And how do you plan on that?
Zack Woody-
The porn industry.
Danif Rap-
It was the black market last week.
Jane Willow-
I’m going to go upload the shipping truck.
Danif Rap-
Need any help?
Jane Willow-
Nope.
-Jane walks into a back room-
Zack Woody-
You chicked out again, didn’t you?
Danif Rap-
Did I?
Zack Woody-
Yes.
Danif Rap-
Don’t you have something to do?
Zack Woody-
Nope.
-A customer walks in-
Zack Woody-
What the fuck do you what?
Customer #1-
Hay, what’s the problem?
Zack Woody-
Look you nosey dick, are you going to buy something or not?
Customer #1-
Who the hell hired you?
Zack Woody-
Your mother, after I busted a load in her ass.
Customer #1-
Look you disrespectful fuck, I was going to spend $50 on some quality comics but I can do the same damn thing some where else so piss off!
Zack Woody-
Are you still here?
-The customer leaves-
Danif Rap-
WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT FOR?
Zack Woody-
I don’t know, just a little tense.
Danif Rap-
That was a respectable costumer!
Zack Woody-
So?
Danif Rap-
Why are you so tense?
Zack Woody-
I don’t know.
Danif Rap-
Yes you do.
Zack Woody-
My parents are splitting up.
Danif Rap-
When did this happen?
Zack Woody-
Last night.
Danif Rap-
What happened?
Zack Woody-
Dad was cheating on her.
Danif Rap-
That sucks.
Zack Woody-
You bet your ass it does.
Danif Rap-
Well, anything I can do?
Zack Woody-
You can suck my dick.
Danif Rap-
Really?
Zack Woody-
No you sick fuck!
Danif Rap-
But are they seriously splitting?
Zack Woody-
No.
Danif Rap-
Then why did he rip into that costumer?
Zack Woody-
Boredom.
Danif Rap-
Go clean up my puke.
Zack Woody-
No.
Danif Rap-
That’s a order.
Zack Woody-
Goddamnit!
-Zack grabs a mop and Danif goes into the back room. There it led to a huge garage where a bunch of trucks are. Jane is unloading one of them. Danif Begins to help her. There grabbing boxes of the back and putting them on the floor-
Danif Rap-
Need some help?
Jane Willow-
Yea, thanks.
Danif Rap-
So, how did you sleep?
Jane Willow-
Fine. Yourself?
Danif Rap-
Alright. You missed Zack rip into a costumer.
Jane Willow-
If Harold was here to see what he does, he’d fire his ass within a second.
Danif Rap-
I know.
Jane Willow-
What are you doing tonight?
Danif Rap-
Nothing much, was probably going to organize my DVD collection.
Jane Willow-
Well, if nothing comes over, you want to come over to my place and stay the night?
Danif Rap-
Wha… what?
Jane Willow-
Come over and stay the night?
Danif Rap-
But… um… where will I get a ride to school?
Jane Willow-
On the bus with me, like usual.
Danif Rap-
Won’t your parents think it’s weird or?
Jane Willow-
There gonna be gone tonight.
Danif Rap-
Oh, well…
Jane Willow-
Well, I got a copy of Batman: Gotham Knight and…
Danif Rap-
Sure.
Jane Willow-
Cool.
Danif Rap-
Well, it looks like where done.
Jane Willow-
Yea.
-Danif grabs Jane and they get out of the truck-
Jane Willow-
You can put me done now.
Danif Rap-
I’m sorry.
Jane Willow-
It’s alright.
-Danif lets go of Jane. They walk back to The Comic Shop-
Zack Woody-
What took you so long?
Danif Rap-
Just helping her out.
Zack Woody-
I bet you where.
Jane Willow-
Where they any costumers?
Zack Woody-
Yea. 1. He bought a copy of Green Lantern and I told him that I was feeling so generous that I gave it too him free of charge.
Jane Willow-
So, one second you calling off costumers and the next, your giving them free comics!
Zack Woody-
Ain’t I a stinker?
Danif Rap-
Could you do something simple?
Zack Woody-
Like what?
Danif Rap-
Like… go hang up some posters for the store.
Zack Woody-
Where?
Danif Rap-
Somewhere where people will be able to look at them?
Zack Woody-
Alrighty.
-Zack walks off-
Jane Willow-
Does he ever think before he does something?
Danif Rap-
No, I don’t think so.
Jane Willow-
Your still going to college with me, aren’t you?
Danif Rap-
Of course.
Jane Willow-
Do you ever worry about Zack?
Danif Rap-
Sometimes. He’s a great friend but gets into some much trouble.
Jane Willow-
Like when he punched the math teacher for miss-grading his test saying that she did it because his ancestors where black and she was racist?
Danif Rap-
Yea… I think.
Jane Willow-
I got free tickets for The Incredible Hulk.
Danif Rap-
How?
Jane Willow-
I went to see Speed Racer and then film burned up half-way through it so I got a free ticket, been saving it and then I demanded my money back after watching The Happening.
Danif Rap-
Oh, did you want to go?
Jane Willow-
Yea. I was thinking you could come to my house, we could go see it and come back.
Danif Rap-
Sounds fun.
Jane Willow-
It should be. I gotta go take a wiz, see you in a bit.
Danif Rap-
Alright.
-Jane walks off and Zack walks back from the same direction-
Danif Rap-
Did you hang up the posters?
Zack Woody-
Have you noticed that everytime I come to talk to you, she leaves and vice-verse.
Danif Rap-
No, but thanks. Did you hang up the ads?
Zack Woody-
Yea. Yea.
Danif Rap-
Where?
-Cut to Jane pulling down her pants and sitting down in a toilet. She looks up to see a bunch of signs for “The Comic Shop”-
Jane Willow-
What the fuck?
-Return to the store-
Danif Rap-
You hung them on the women’s bathroom ceiling?
Zack Woody-
Gave me a excuse to go in there.
Danif Rap-
Wow.
Zack Woody-
You can praise me later.
Danif Rap-
Can’t.
Zack Woody-
Why?
Danif Rap-
Because I’m going to the movies and staying the night at Jane’s.
Zack Woody-
You fucking pimp, I knew you’d grow the balls to ask her!
Danif Rap-
No, she asked me.
Zack Woody-
Aww, shit.
Danif Rap-
What?
Zack Woody-
It’s Randy Andy.
Danif Rap-
Doesn’t he have some party to crash?
Zack Woody-
No. That’s a different Randy Andy. This is Randy “I’m dating Veronica Lily” Andy.
Danif Rap-
Oh shit.
-Randy Andy comes forward-
Randy Andy-
Did you sleep with Veronica?
Zack Woody-
Only after she cried about your 2 inch dick.
Randy Andy-
You fucker.
Danif Rap-
He’s just playing around.
Randy Andy-
She’s my girl.
Danif Rap-
If she was your girl, then why did you ditch her?
Zack Woody-
Hay, I can fight for myself.
Randy Andy-
You both are going down under-nerds, tonight!
Zack Woody-
How about right… NOW!
-Zack punches Randy. Randy quickly gets up and jumps onto Zack. Danif starts to step on Randy’s back, He rolls over and kicks Danif in the balls. Danif hits the floor and then Zack gets up and kicks Randy in the face. Zack then continues to kick Randy in the face. He gets up and runs off-
Zack Woody-
What a sour-puss.
Danif Rap-
Oh… oh god…
-Cut to Danif and Zack behind the counter, laying down with ice-cream-
Zack Woody-
Karma’s a bitch.
Danif Rap-
You say that once a day.
Zack Woody-
I must sound like a repeating record.
Danif Rap-
You do.
Zack Woody-
Well, at least I’ve come to terms with that. Thanks for helping me out.
Danif Rap-
Yea, but next time, please don’t start a fight.
Zack Woody-
We got to kick some ass, right?
Danif Rap-
Yea… we did.
Zack Woody-
Where “The Iron Woody” and the “The Incredible Rap”.
-Jane walks up-
Jane Willow-
Why was the women’s bathroom wall covered with posters?
Zack Woody-
Cause I was told by a center little prick to do so.
Danif Rap-
I told you to put them up, somewhere, not there!
Zack Woody-
Sorry about that.
Jane Willow-
Yall look wore out?
Zack Woody-
We are.
Danif Rap-
Randy Andy came and we had to beat the shit out of him.
Jane Willow-
Was he sober enough to fight?
Danif Rap-
Not that Randy Andy, the one dating Veronica Lily.
Jane Willow-
Why would he do that?
Zack Woody-
Cause he ditched her on a date and I was there to pick up and pieces and fuck her brains out.
Jane Willow-
Oh… my… god…
Zack Woody-
You can praise me later.
-A customer walks up-
Customer #2-
Do you have any issues of All-Star Batman?
Jane Willow-
Yea. On the second shelf, in the B section.
Customer #2-
Thanks.
-The customer grabs a issue and Jane checks him out. He walks off-
Jane Willow-
Have a nice day!
Customer #2-
You also.
Jane Willow-
Alright boys, let’s get some lunch.
-Cut to “Pizza Pro”. They sit around a table eating pizza-
Jane Willow-
Yall going to see Hellboy II this weekend?
Zack Woody-
Of course.
Danif Rap-
Oh yea.
Zack Woody-
Iron Man or Spider-Man?
Danif Rap-
Spider-Man.
Jane Willow-
Spider-Man.
Zack Woody-
Iron Man.
Jane Willow-
Why?
Zack Woody-
Because Iron Man has a choice. Peter has this problem with his power, he is going to always have it. He can’t get rid of it. Tony can take off the suit and be a normal person wherever he wants.
Jane Willow-
But if he’s suit is destroyed and he’s being attacked, he can’t really defend himself.
Zack Woody-
Well… look, Stark is cooler.
Jane Willow-
But that shouldn’t really matter.
Zack Woody-
Stark can afford anything he desires, he can have any woman he desires.
Jane Willow-
But Spider-Man is a more relatable character.
Zack Woody-
So it Iron Man.
Jane Willow-
How many billionaire playboy weapons manufactures read comic-books?
Zack Woody-
I don’t know, I’m just saying that it is possible to relate to the character.
Jane Willow-
Right.
Danif Rap-
Did I tell you that cousin Mac is doing motion-capture fro “Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universe?”
Jane Willow-
No.
Danif Rap-
Found out yesterday.
Jane Willow-
That’s awesome.
Zack Woody-
Wasn’t he the reason for Mo-Cap, the worst character ever?
Danif Rap-
Um… yea…
Jane Willow-
Who’s the doing work for?
Danif Rap-
Sub-Zero as always, and I think Superman.
Zack Woody-
That game sounds kinda shitty, but, I’m looking forward to it.
Jane Willow-
I’m going to the health department.
Zack Woody-
Why?
Jane Willow-
Personal reasons. See you at the shop!
-Jane gets up and leaves-
Danif Rap-
See you!
Zack Woody-
Let’s go to F.Y.E.
Danif Rap-
Why?
Zack Woody-
Cause I want a copy of Metal Gear Solid 4.
Danif Rap-
Alright.
-Cut to F.Y.E. Zack and Danif walk around looking at the shelves-
Zack Woody-
Did I tell you about what my little brother did?
Danif Rap-
What?
Zack Woody-
He came in here one day, looking at all the porn. So, he grabbed a few of them and put them in his pants. A security guard saw this, and approached him. So, my little brother grabbed a heavy Batman: TAS entire series, like 20 disc set and threw it at the guy, it knocked him out cold. He then ran like hell out of the place and the alarm went off but he still kept running, got toward the end of the parking lot and into his friend’s brother’s van when a car hit him.
Danif Rap-
Oh… my… god.
Zack Woody-
So, the security was charging out of the building and his friend’s brother didn’t want to be caught, so he drove off. None the less, the security caught my brother and took him to station. Parents came in and convinced them to give him a 48 hour community service deal.
Danif Rap-
Your pulling my leg?
Zack Woody-
The best part: it was gay porn.
Danif Rap-
Why in the world?
Zack Woody-
He’s friend’s brother wanted the stuff, he would have given my brother and his friend a assload of Oblivion cheats.
Danif Rap-
When did this happen?
Zack Woody-
Like, 2 months ago.
Danif Rap-
That’s crazy.
Zack Woody-
I know. There out of copies. Let’s get back to the shop, there’s probably costumers or something.
Danif Rap-
Yea, cause, you know, that’d be shocking, to have costumers.
-Cut back to The Comic Shop. Jane waves by to a customer and then puts some money in the register-
Danif Rap-
Where back.
Jane Willow-
About time.
Zack Woody-
Was that a customer?
Jane Willow-
Yea. Did you see the look on his face? He was treated properly!
Zack Woody-
Ha, ha, ha, ha. Did the get you a discount on tampons?
Jane Willow-
Fuck you.
Zack Woody-
That wasn’t a denial.
Jane Willow-
I bought some ear wax removers.
Zack Woody-
That’s a lie.
-Jane grabs a box of “Ear Wax Removers”-
Zack Woody-
Fine.
Jane Willow-
Look, A guy took a order yesterday for a BUNCH of comics and broke his leg. He already paid for them and that means you have to deliver them.
Zack Woody-
Why?
Jane Willow-
Because where suppose to be nice to the customers!
Danif Rap-
Alright, let’s do it.
Zack Woody-
Fine.
-Cut to Zack and Danif driving In a car. Zack holds a box of comics-
Zack Woody-
You know what?
Danif Rap-
What?
Zack Woody-
We should drop this comics off, go right around and burn the store…
Danif Rap-
Are you saying things without thinking again?
Zack Woody-
Why the fuck does Janet Jackson have a career?
Danif Rap-
I knew it.
-Cut to them walking into someone’s house-
Danif Rap-
Mr… John Ted?
Zack Woody-
Got a box’o’porn!
Danif Rap-
Shutup, Delivery from The Maul’s Mall Comic Shop!
John Ted- (Off Screen)
Put it down boys and leave me…. Oh yea… you gobble that right now…
Zack Woody-
Do you need a towel?
Danif Rap-
Let’s get the hell out of here.
Zack Woody-
What a second… he’s legs are broken.
Danif Rap-
No shit! That’s why we drove up here to deliver the package!
Zack Woody-
It sounds like he’s getting a bj…
Danif Rap-
That doesn’t mean his dick is useless.
Zack Woody-
Bullshit. I gotta see this.
Danif Rap-
Jesus Christ, not again…
-Zack walks into the room to see John Ted holding a pair of binoculars and looking outside-
Zack Woody-
Enjoying yourself?
John Ted-
Get the heck out of my house.
Zack Woody-
What are you looking at?
John Ted-
None of your business.
Zack Woody-
I gotta see this.
-Zack grabs the binoculars and looks, there is a woman ripping the flesh off of a man, he drops them-
Zack Woody-
Jesus Christ.
John Ted-
Leave me.
Zack Woody-
Alright!
-Cut to Zack and Danif returning to The Comic Shop. Jane sits on the counter looking flipping through some comics-
Jane Willow-
How’d the trip go?
Zack Woody-
Let’s just say that I’m going to need therapy.
Jane Willow-
Why?
Zack Woody-
I’m gonna go get some water.
-Zack walks out-
Jane Willow-
What’s his problem?
Danif Rap-
I don’t know, he didn’t tell me.
Jane Willow-
Question: Would you say that your small, medium or large?
Danif Rap-
In what?
Jane Willow-
Anything.
Danif Rap-
Um… medium…
Jane Willow-
Perfect.
Danif Rap-
Why?
Jane Willow-
No reason.
Danif Rap-
There has to be a reason.
Jane Willow-
Tell you later.
-Danif walks off-
Jane Willow-
Where you going?
-Danif sits by Zack who is drinking a glass of water on a bench-
Danif Rap-
I think Jane wants to have sex with me?
Zack Woody-
Like me dog did?
Danif Rap-
I’m serious.
Zack Woody-
What’s the proof?
Danif Rap-
She just asked if I was “small, medium, or large” and she’s having me come over to my house.
Zack Woody-
She was talking about your shoe-size, right?
Danif Rap-
She wouldn’t tell me.
Zack Woody-
Your gonna get laid tonight.
Danif Rap-
Maybe.
Zack Woody-
Hay, wanna go find Randy Andy and give him a little beating?
Danif Rap-
Why?
Zack Woody-
I don’t know. I saw him near the surf gear store.
Danif Rap-
As if you haven’t got into enough trouble yet?
Zack Woody-
Aw come on, let’s kick some ass!
Danif Rap-
I’m tired.
Zack Woody-
So, you don’t have to fight him.
Danif Rap-
Is there ever a time where you think “you know what, I don’t need to piss off or beat up anyone today”.
Zack Woody-
Nope.
Danif Rap-
I’m gonna go hang out with Jane.
Zack Woody-
Suit yourself.
-Cut to Danif walking back into the store-
Jane Willow-
Where’s Zack?
Danif Rap-
Going to beat the shit out of Randy Andy.
Jane Willow-
Is there ever a day when he doesn’t insult or harm someone?
Danif Rap-
That’s what I said.
Jane Willow-
And…?
Danif Rap-
Apparently not.
Jane Willow-
So, how’s your day been?
Danif Rap-
Surprisingly casual. Watched Zack mock the costumers, talked to you, got my ass kicked.
Jane Willow-
Well, tonight will be different.
Danif Rap-
How so?
Jane Willow-
You get to hang out with me instead watching re-runs of Heroes!
Danif Rap-
That is true…
Jane Willow-
Danif?
Danif Rap-
What?
Jane Willow-
Do you lo-
-Zack comes running into the room-
Zack Woody-
Danif! Jane! HIDE!
Jane Willow-
What’s happening?
Zack Woody-
I punched Randy in the back and apparently he had three, and I quote, “braws” there prepared to kick my ass and he’s on his way.
Jane Willow-
You’ve gone and got yourself into something you can’t handle!
Zack Woody-
How was I suppose to know he’d have his friends with him?
-Randy Andy and 3 friends come in the store-
Rand Andy-
Get ready for you ass-beating!
Zack Woody-
Could I interest you in some store credit?
-Randy Andy punches Zack and his friends begin to kick him-
Danif Rap-
Oh god…
-Jane Willow grabs a copy of the Absolute Long Halloween and throws it at one, it hits him in the head and he falls over. One of his friends grabs Jane, smacks her and throws her on the ground-
Danif Rap-
You…. CUNT!
-Danif grabs can of mace and sprays them both, they run off dragging there third member-
Zack Woody-
You used mace?
Danif Rap-
To save you!
Zack Woody-
You pussie!
Danif Rap-
SHUT THE FUCK UP!
Zack Woody-
What?
Danif Rap-
Do you know how hard it is to be your friend?
Zack Woody-
What are you talking about?
Danif Rap-
All you do is scare costumers away, get in trouble and wait until I can help you out. You rip on me, your always talking raunchy and you have no respect for people’s private life. Your insane man. You need to understand that there are limits man!
Zack Woody-
What?
Danif Rap-
Your sleeping with over people’s girlfriends. Going through people’s stuff, being a jerk.
Zack Woody-
I was just…
Danif Rap-
You can’t go around like this all the time, it’s crazy. You have to look at the big picture, look what you have done this week. Slept with another man’s girl, cussed out a costumer, beat the crap out of the man who YOU slept with his girlfriend, he need to understand that your going into the big world and you can’t sit around like this and expect me to be there always to break it up or end this.
Zack Woody-
Are you saying I’m a bad friend?
Danif Rap-
NO! I’m saying you’re a immature friend. For Christ’s sake man, grow up.
-Danif storms off-
Zack Woody-
What was he talking about?
Jane Willow-
You know. How you’re a general dick.
Zack Woody-
But?
Jane Willow-
Think about it…
-Jane gets up and walks away-
Zack Woody-
What? I don’t understand… what would Dad do in a situation like this? PRAY!
-Zack gets on his knees and begins to pray-
Zack Woody-
God, um… Lord, Buddha… Stanley Kubrick… can you… help me or something?
-A golden glow begins to form in the center of the room-
Zack Woody-
Oh my…
-Jesus Christ appears-
Jesus Christ-
Hay, hay, hay, hay!
Zack Woody-
JESUS CHRIST!
Jesus Christ-
Not so loud man, I don’t want them to know I’m here.
Zack Woody-
Who are they?
Jesus Christ-
The chicks, I’m like… The Beatles or something.
Zack Woody-
What are you doing?
Jesus Christ-
I’m here to like… help you out and shit.
Zack Woody-
Alright then, how do I be a better friend?
Jesus Christ-
Are you serious?
Zack Woody-
Yes.
Jesus Christ-
Holy Shit! Are you fucking blind?
Zack Woody-
No.
Jesus Christ-
You need to stop acting like a asshole to everyone.
Zack Woody-
How do I do that?
Jesus Christ-
OH MYSELF!
Zack Woody-
Jesus, stop playing…
Jesus Christ-
How often do you get to say that?
Zack Woody-
What should I do?
Jesus Christ-
Be nice to the customers, apologize to Randy Andy…
Zack Woody-
Now I know your insane.
Jesus Christ-
Come on man! You’re a great kid! You just need to get your shit together!
Zack Woody-
Jesus can cuss?
Jesus Christ-
Of course I fucking can! It’s not like my Mother’s listening!
Zack Woody-
What is god doing?
Jesus Christ-
Watching The Hills…
Zack Woody-
Seriously?
Jesus Christ-
I know, it’s a terrible fucking show yet somehow he ends up liking it.
Zack Woody-
You should get him to watch Heroes.
Jesus Christ-
Or Clerks
Zack Woody-
What?
Jesus Christ-
Nothing, just, get yourself together and reclaim your friends and all that shit.
Zack Woody-
One more thing before you go?
Jesus Christ-
What?
Zack Woody-
Could you set my High-School on fire?
Jesus Christ-
Could I get some store credit?
Zack Woody-
Yea. What comics do you read?
Jesus Christ-
Sin City.
Zack Woody-
Nice.
Jesus Christ-
I know. See you in the next fucking century!
-Jesus disappears-
Zack Woody-
HOLY SHIT!
-Cut to Danif Rap sitting on a bench outside. Jane Willow comes up to him-
Danif Rap-
Are you alright?
Jane Willow-
Yea… got hit but…
Danif Rap-
I’m so sorry about Zack, he’s just…
Jane Willow-
It’s alright. I’m also sorry.
Danif Rap-
For what?
Jane Willow-
For saying anything that may have offended you.
Danif Rap-
Just trying to cover your ass?
Jane Willow-
Aren’t we all?
Danif Rap-
Yea… listen… I…
Jane Willow-
It’s okay.
Danif Rap-
No, I wasn’t going to say sorry….
Jane Willow-
Then what where you going to say?
Danif Rap-
I think I’m in love with you.
Jane Willow-
Really?
Danif Rap-
I’ve never felt so calm, relaxed and… special around someone.
Jane Willow-
Your not just saying that, are you?
Danif Rap-
Never.
-Danif gets up-
Danif Rap-
I’ve…. Never felt like this till I met you.
Jane Willow-
I’m not dreaming, am I?
Danif Rap-
No…
-Danif grabs her and they begin to kiss. Cut back to the food court. Randy Andy and his friends sit around a table. Zack Woody goes up to them-
Randy Andy-
What do you want… you bastard?
Zack Woody-
I wanna say that I’m sorry.
Randy Andy-
What?
Zack Woody-
I’m sorry man, what I did was wrong although very enjoyable
Randy Andy-
Get to the goddamn point!
Zack Woody-
You left her there. She was sad, I was there and helped her out. You got to see it from her point, you ditched her!
Randy Andy-
But…
Zack Woody-
Listen, I may not be the fancy quarterback but I do know how to service a chick, and I do know how to be on time and not ditch her when she needs someone!
Randy Andy-
What are you saying?
Zack Woody-
I’m saying that you should grow a pair and start acting like a man, treat her nicely, cause she is good in…. counter.
Randy Andy-
Where you apologizing?
Zack Woody-
I’m sorry, just be cool to her man.
Randy Andy-
Why the fuck should I forgive you?
Zack Woody-
Because you’re a sensible man!
Randy Andy-
I am?
Zack Woody-
Of course you are!
Randy Andy-
I shoulda treated her better…
Zack Woody-
You still can.
Randy Andy-
Um….
Zack Woody-
No, don’t thank me. Just go find her, treat he nice and then fuck her brains out.
Randy Andy-
Right.
-Andy grabs Zack’s hand and shakes it. He begins to run off. Return to The Comic Shop, everyone is there-
Danif Rap-
Did you learn anything?
Zack Woody-
If you pray to Jesus, he will come in a golden light, and cuss.
Danif Rap-
Did you just smoke a blunt and decide to make up some bullshit story involving Jesus again?
Zack Woody-
No. I seriously saw him.
Danif Rap-
Right…
Zack Woody-
I apologized to Andy.
Jane Willow-
And how’d that go?
Zack Woody-
He was cool.
Jane Willow-
Are you sure your Zack Woody?
Zack Woody-
No.
Jane Willow-
So, you’ve really thought about it?
Zack Woody-
Yea… and I’m really sorry, I never realized…
Jane Willow-
I accept.
Zack Woody-
Danif?
Danif Rap-
Of course.
Zack Woody-
I thought for a second that you’d rip my intestines out and perform a weird sex act with them…
Jane Willow-
Are you sure your alright?
Zack Woody-
No…
-Zack falls back-
Jane Willow-
Oh… my… god…
Danif Rap-
He told me he didn’t sleep allnight.
Jane Willow-
What time is it?
Danif Rap-
Like… 3:30….
Jane Willow-
Wow….
Danif Rap-
You should go get some ice-cream.
Jane Willow-
Why?
Danif Rap-
It settles him.
Jane Willow-
He’ asleep.
Danif Rap-
It’ll wake him up.
Jane Willow-
Why would we want that?
Danif Rap-
Please…
Jane Willow-
Alright…
-Jane walks off. Cut to Jane at Mr. Balladeer’s ice-cream store-
Jane Willow-
Mr. Balladeer!
Mr. Balladeer-
Jane, how are you?
Jane Willow-
Fine, yourself?
Mr. Balladeer-
Been better. Heard about some ruckus, with that Zack…
Jane Willow-
Yea, he got himself a good ass beating.
Mr. Balladeer-
I’d hate to say it, but… that man needed a lesson.
Jane Willow-
I agree with you 100%.
Mr. Balladeer-
So… how is Danif doing?
Jane Willow-
He’s doing fine.
Mr. Balladeer-
How about yourself?
Jane Willow-
You already asked me that…
Mr. Balladeer-
I’m sorry, just a little… lonely recently, nice to have someone to talk to who isn’t a complete smartass.
Jane Willow-
Tell me about it.
Mr. Balladeer-
Listen, I want to tell you something I wish I would have realized when I was young: your youth is one of the best things. Don’t try and do something that makes you unhappy, if your going to college and although the outcome may be grand, but if your having the most miserable time of your life then don’t keep going. Try to make these years your happiest.
Jane Willow-
Did you spend all your time in a miserable college?
Mr. Balladeer-
Nope. I’m working here right?
Jane Willow-
Yea… what did you do?
Mr. Balladeer-
I tried to become that perfect guy: tried to look good, having good hair, a good body and by the time I finally got to go on a date, I’d wasted 8 years of my life trying to make myself perfect in order to have a better outcome and I did stay with a good girl for a nice time but… I spent so long being miserable trying to do it, it never seemed worth it.
Jane Willow-
I’ll do so.
Mr. Balladeer-
Just try and make these years the best, you can never do them over.
Jane Willow-
Thanks.
Mr. Balladeer-
Here’s your ice-cream.
-Mr. Balladeer hands her some ice-cream. Cut back to the store-
Zack Woody-
She gone?
Danif Rap-
Just for a bit, went to go get some ice-cream.
Zack Woody-
Oh, thank god. So, what did you want to talk about?
Danif Rap-
I don’t think I really want to stay at her house tonight…
Zack Woody-
Why not?
Danif Rap-
I’m just not ready.
Zack Woody-
Your 17 for Christ’s sake.
Jesus Christ- (VO)
I’m not making any promises!
Danif Rap-
Did you hear something?
Zack Woody-
No, no, no. You got the chance to have sex with Jane, who is let’s face, your best female friend and you’ve been friends so your like 5?
Danif Rap-
4 and a half, actually.
Zack Woody-
Look, you need to do this, maybe you don’t want to do it, but do it for her.
Danif Rap-
I don’t know…
Zack Woody-
This is exactly what happened to Randy Andy, he ignored his girl and a true pimp came and helped her out, because if you don’t satisfy Jane, I’ll be first in line to do so.
Danif Rap-
Please, you’re a jerk.
Zack Woody-
But I’m right man. You may not want to but she does.
Danif Rap-
I told her that I loved her.
Zack Woody-
What the fuck! And now you don’t want to sleep with her?
Danif Rap-
It’s this thing, what if I like don’t “do her right” or something…
Zack Woody-
Dear god… you truly are the saddest man on the planet, aren’t you?
Danif Rap-
I don’t know…
Zack Woody-
It shouldn’t matter if you can’t please her, as long as your there for her or some soapy day-time shit, just be there… I guess….
Danif Rap-
Is there anyone with better advice that doesn’t linger on stereotypical information?
-Jesus arrives-
Jesus Christ-
I might know a few things in the way of the woman…
Danif Rap-
Who are you?
Jesus Christ-
I’m Jesus.
Zack Woody-
He’s Jesus.
Danif Rap-
Your joking… right?
Jesus Christ-
It shouldn’t matter. I’m here to help, that’s all.
Danif Rap-
And what do you have to say?
Jesus Christ-
I’d have to say that you need to just go with the flow, don’t look at it as a test or worry whether or not your master sword works, just don’t see it like the way you are, you love her right?
Danif Rap-
Yea.
Jesus Christ-
Then nothing else should matter.
Danif Rap-
Who the fuck are you?
Jesus Christ-
I’m Jesus H. Christ.
Zack Woody-
What does the H stand for?
Jesus Christ-
Handsome.
Zack Woody-
That’s pimp.
Jesus Christ-
I know.
Danif Rap-
Alright. I’ll just… “go with the flow”.
Jesus Christ-
Good man.
Zack Woody-
Hey, Jesus?
Jesus Christ-
What?
Zack Woody-
Wanna go play some Warcraft sometime?
Jesus Christ-
Do I look like some fucking nerd? Playing a RPG and shit, if I’m going to fight against people in Asia and shit, I’m going to be driving a chainsaw into them, cutting them in half in and shit, like I did in Troy.
Zack Woody-
Gears of War?
Jesus Christ-
Yea, I’m game for that. Alright, I’m outta here, I gotta go give someone else love advice.
-Jesus disappears-
Danif Rap-
Oh… my… god.
Zack Woody-
He’s cool, right?
Danif Rap-
That was Jesus…
Zack Woody-
Yes, but, you know, he’s advice was kinda vague.
Danif Rap-
Yours was better…
Jesus Christ- (VO)
Hay, how about you go the nearest tree and fucking hang yourself to it? It hurts like a mother fucker, I did it for you ungrateful bitches and the least you can do is think my advice is somewhat good?
Danif Rap-
Fine…. Jesus…
Zack Woody-
You see?
Danif Rap-
Yea, I guess. Lay down.
-Zack falls over. Jane Willow walks in holding ice-cream-
Danif Rap-
Thanks.
Jane Willow-
Welcome. Hay, Zack, we got you some ice-cream.
-Zack gets up-
Zack Woody-
About fucking time…
-Jane hands them the ice-cream-
Zack Woody-
Thanks.
Jane Willow-
Your welcome.
Zack Woody-
What time is it?
Danif Rap-
3:42.
Zack Woody-
Got 18 minutes and a hour till it’s closing time.
Danif Rap-
Well then, we better sell some shit before Harold has my ass.
Zack Woody-
What are you talking about?
Danif Rap-
We work in a store, right?
Zack Woody-
Last time I checked.
Danif Rap-
Then get to work.
-Cut to Zack talking to a customer-
Customer #2-
Do you have any back issues of Dark Victory?
Zack Woody-
Are you basically asking if we have any pornos with characters from Dark Victory?
Customer #2-
What?
Danif Rap- (Off Screen)
ZACK!
Zack Woody-
Alright, clarify please.
Customer #2-
Do you have any singular issues of Dark Victory in the back casing?
Zack Woody-
We have back casing?
Customer #2-
Behind you.
Zack Woody-
Oh, let me check.
-Zack checks-
Zack Woody-
Yea.
Customer #2-
Are they for purchase?
Zack Woody-
Yes sir.
Customer #2-
How much?
Zack Woody-
How much do you got?
Customer #2-
Please, I don’t have a lot of time.
Zack Woody-
We have the original print. So there valuable, $15 a pop, $40 for ‘em all.
Customer #2-
I’ll buy them.
Zack Woody-
All?
Customer #2-
Yes.
-Zack hands him them. The Customer gives him the money and walks off-
Zack Woody-
Have a nice day.
-Cut to Danif talking to a Customer-
Customer #3-
Have you ever wondered what would happen if Tim Burton made the third Batman film?
Danif Rap-
Yes, yes I have.
Customer #3-
And what did you think?
Danif Rap-
It would be better then Batman Forever.
Customer #3-
Have you ever wanted to star in a Batman film?
Danif Rap-
Yes I have.
Customer #3-
I’m making a fan one.
Danif Rap-
Yea, whose the villain?
Customer #3-
There isn’t a villain.
Danif Rap-
What’s the plot?
Customer #3-
Batman suits up to go to the bat-signal and Catwoman is there.
Danif Rap-
All right…
Customer #3-
And they have this fight and then this talk…
Danif Rap-
… and?
Customer #3-
And then the have a intercourse for a good 18 minutes…
Danif Rap-
Um…
Customer #3-
How big is your dick?
Danif Rap-
Are you gonna buy anything?
Customer #3-
Yes…. A actor.
Danif Rap-
Please leave.
Customer #3-
You can be Batman… and I’m be Catwoman…
Danif Rap-
Are you hitting on me?
Customer #3-
Yes.
Danif Rap-
I like it.
Customer #3-
Really?
Danif Rap-
No. Leave.
Customer #3-
You’ll never love me.
Danif Rap-
Good bye.
-Customer #3 leaves. Zack walks up-
Zack Woody-
That was the ugliest dude I have seen in a long time.
Danif Rap-
Please leave.
Zack Woody-
What?
Danif Rap-
I’m sorry. I’m zoned out.
-Cut to “4:56”. Danif is shelving comics, Jane is working the cash reregister and Zack is eating a bucket of popcorn-
Zack Woody-
So, yall gonna see The Incredible Hulk tonight?
Jane Willow-
Yea, I’d invite you but I don’t have any extra money.
Zack Woody-
It’s alright, I’m probably going to go throw rocks through people’s windows wearing Joker make-up.
Jane Willow-
God, I wish I could come…
Zack Woody-
That’s what she said.
Jane Willow-
Did you realize that you just burned yourself?
Zack Woody-
Yea, but it was open, what’d you expect me to do?
Danif Rap-
That’s what she said.
Zack Woody-
Shut the fuck up old man!
Jane Willow-
Hey! He’s your best friend.
Zack Woody-
That just shows what kind of guy I am.
Jane Willow-
Well, I’m done.
Danif Rap-
Me also.
Zack Woody-
Well, I’m heading out.
Danif Rap-
Need a ride?
Zack Woody-
Naw, I’m good.
Danif Rap-
How you getting home?
Zack Woody-
Taxi.
Danif Rap-
It’s going to be a bit of a drive.
Zack Woody-
It’s alright.
Danif Rap-
See you tomorrow.
Zack Woody-
Right.
-Danif and Zack shake hands and Zack walks off-
Danif Rap-
Ready?
Jane Willow-
Always been.
-Danif and Jane get up and being to talk out of the store, locking it behind them. They walk out of the parking lot holding hands-
Danif Rap-
You know, whether or not I succeed in life, as long as I have you… I’m perfectly happy.
Jane Willow-
Me too.
-They kiss. Cut to “The Comic Shop” title card. Then “Fin”-
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