|
|
Post by Dale on Oct 3, 2008 12:25:10 GMT -5
Parody Movie Director
indy42
Genre
Comedy
Cast
Simon Pegg as Jason Friedberg
Paul Rudd as Aaron Seltzer
Plot
The writers of "Epic Movie" try and write another one.
Release Date
October 3rd, 2008
MPAA Rating
PG-13 for crude language and humor.
|
|
|
|
Post by Dale on Oct 3, 2008 12:26:10 GMT -5
BLACK.
VOICE (VO)
Horror movie.
VOICE 2 (VO)
Already been done.
VOICE (VO)
Jail Movie. Escape Movie.
VOICE 2(VO)
How the hell are we supposed to get Carmen Elektra into a jail?
INDY42 PRESENTS
VOICE (VO)
Sexy prison guard.
VOICE 2 (VO)
That’s retarded.
SIMON PEGG
VOICE (VO)
I’d like to see you come up with anything.
PAUL RUDD
VOICE 2 (VO)
Fine. That’s fine. Now go write it.
SMASH INTO: A strangely small “conference room”. JASON FRIEDBERG stands at the board, marker in hand. Sitting down is AARON SELTZER sits.
JASON
Really?
AARON
Yeah, why not. Another one of these and I can get that private jet.
JASON
Okay… I guess I’ll go start the script.
He begins to walk out of the room.
AARON
And don’t forget to work in that giant Hillary Clinton robot we talked about.
CUT TO: CAB- DAY. – Jason squeezes himself in with his briefcase.
His phone rings. Jason picks it up.
JASON
Hello?
INTERCUT BETWEEN Jason and HARVEY, a 60-something movie executive lounging in a giant office.
HARVEY
Jason! I just got the weekend predictions for “Epic Movie 2”. They’re very good! You’ve done it again!
JASON
Oh! That’s great…. Yeah… great…
HARVEY
You feeling all right?
JASON
Yeah, yeah…
HARVEY
Okay then. How’d the meeting with Aaron go?
JASON
Oh, fine. We’re going to start writing the script soon.
HARVEY
What’s it this time? Action movies?
JASON
Um, we’re not sure. But it’ll be under 20 million.
HARVEY
That’s my boy!
Jason hangs up the phone.
CAB DRIVER (OS)
Goddammit!
The car CRASHES INTO A POLE.
Jason is catapulted into the divider in the cab. He sits back up again, nose bleeding.
JASON
What the hell?
EXT. CAB.
The cab driver gets out of the car and runs for his life. Two police cars are behind him, pulling up on the curb.
CAB DRIVER
You’ll never catch me alive!
A policeman runs over and tazers the Cab driver.
CAB DRIVER
Ack!
He collapses in the street. The police surround him.
INT. CAB- Jason looks around, obviously disturbed.
CAB DRIVER (OS)
Please! I have a family to feed!
POLICE MAN
Shut up.
ZAP.
CAB DRIVER
Aauuugh!
CUT TO: JASON’s OFFICE- NIGHT.
Jason sits at his computer screen, and the blank document stares back at him.
He leans his head on his hand, and opens the Internet browser. He types in, “Rotten Tomatoes”. He then clicks on the link for “Epic Movie 2”. It reads, in large type, “0%”.
We quickly flip through the criticism.
“The worst piece of trash I have ever seen!”- Roger Ebert
“God-awful!”
“Whoever made this movie should be shot!”
Jason sighs. He closes the window. Suddenly, a pop-up ad for “Epic movie 2” shows up.
JASON
Stupid.
He moves his mouse to the “Close Window” button, and clicks it, but- another popup ad pops up! He closes that, then a whole Window opens up, with the “Epic Movie 2” website!
JASON
Goddamnit!
Frustrated, he shuts the computer off. The phone rings. He slowly picks it up.
JASON
Hello?
Split screen appears- on the other side is Aaron, lyingon a couch, watching TV.
AARON
Forget Hillary Clinton. Sarah Palin giant evil robot.
JASON
What? Who? No, Hilary Clinton has a more recognizable face.
AARON
Oh yeah, good point. Say, has Anna Faris called you back?
JASON
No.
AARON
Yeah. She thinks she’s better than us now that she’s made that movie with- with- that girl from Superbad.
JASON
Umm… yeah.
AARON
Ungrateful. I mean, we started her career! We helped write Scary Movie.
JASON
Yeah, define help.
AARON
Fine. We wrote a couple of lines, but we still were involved! Anyways, how’s “Jail movie” going?
JASON
Oh, fine, fine.
Jason looks back at his computer, which is starting up with “ERROR- CORRUPTED HARD DRIVE.”
JASON
… Just peachy. Say, how do we incorporate a giant hilary Clinton robot thingy into a movie about a jail?
ADAM
After they escape, they run into “the city”, where an evil Hilary Clinton robot is wreaking havoc. Easy!
JASON
That’s completely… I mean, that’s a lot like-
AARON (ignoring him)
And in the city, they meet Britney and Lindsay.
JASON
That’s boring. Britney’s gone straight and Lindsay’s sober.
AARON
Good point. Uh…. Yeah. Winehouse and Hilton. Perfect.
JASON
We already used them.
AARON
So?
JASON
Fine! Fine!
CUT TO: JASON’s COMPUTER. He stares at a blank screen.
He slowly begins to type.
JASON (VO)
Fade in. It’s raining. A bleak jail. As the bus of new fish rolls in, the main office door opens to reveal…..
CUT TO: A BLEAK JAIL- DAY. It’s raining. As the bus of new fish rolls in, the main office door opens to reveal…
JASON
A super sexy prison guard.
A super sexy prison guard.
The bus opens to reveal, complete in orange jail wear…. JOHN MCCAIN!
CUT TO: Jason’s Office. Jason frowns.
CUT TO: BLEAK JAIL. We rewind. The bus doors open again, revealing…. BILL CLINTON!
Rewind…ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER!
Rewind… PEE-WEE HERMAN!
Rewind… BATMAN!
Rewind… MICHAEL MOORE!
CUT TO: Jason’s office. The phone rings.
Jason picks up.
JASON
Hello?
Intercut between Jason’s office and Carmen Electra, who is sitting in a pool.
CARMEN
Hey Jason, started the new film yet?
JASON
Uh.. yeah.
CARMEN
Who am I this time?
JASON
Uh… prison guard?
CARMEN
Oooh… Sounds… PG13 sexy.
JASON
Yeah. Yeah. It’ll be good.
CUT TO: Jason and Aaron walk down the sidewalk towards the office.
JASON
It’s not funny. Bill Clinton isn’t funny.
AARON
Okay, have him say something about Obama. Like, a contradictory- you know, forget it. Have him trip and fall on his face. There’s funny.
JASON
No.
AARON
Be a little less serious.
All of a sudden- PARIS HILTON walks over towards them.
PARIS HILTON
Hey, are you two the guys who did “Epic Movie”?
JASON
Uh… yeah? Wait, are Paris…
PARIS HILTON
That movie was hot. My part was pretty hot too.
Aaron looks on with an expression of complete confusion.
JASON
Uh… Thanks!
PARIS HILTON
Next time, I want to play me. Then it will be really hot.
AARON
I’m lost.
Aaron and Jason argue in hushed voices as Paris Hilton pulls out a mirror and adjusts her hair.
JASON
This is Paris Hilton.
AARON
I know that.
JASON
You need to be a little bit more polite.
AARON
Don’t talk to me about polite!
CUT TO: Paris Hilton. We hear nothing. Silence. A bird chirps as she puts on lipstick.
CUT BACK TO: Jason and Aaron.
AARON
I didn’t know she really acted like that!
JASON
What? We wrote it like that, you moron!
PARIS
I’d love to stay and chat, but I have to go.
Jason and Aaron look up.
Paris Hilton is smacked on the head by a falling baseball. She collapses to the pavement, knocked out.
AARON
Wut.
CUT TO: Prison cell. Matt sits in his prison cell. He turns his head… and sees OJ SIMPSON.
JASON (VO)
He turns his head and sees… OJ Simpson.
JASON (VO)
OJ says….
JASON (VO) OJ
Hey buddy. Hey Buddy.
Matt turns left and sees….
JASON (VO)
George Lucas.
George Lucas.
MATT
What are you in here for?
LUCAS
Over- CGI in the first degree.
Lucas runs to the bars, sobbing.
LUCAS
I’m not supposed to be here! It’s a mistake! All I did was enhance the future! I’m a visionary! A visionary!
2 guards rush over and inject a sedative into Lucas, who falls asleep on his bunk.
MATT JASON (VO)
Jesus. Jesus.
OVERLAP: HAHAHAHAHAHAH!
CUT TO: Jason sits in front of the TV, eating peanut butter out of a jar.
TV (OS)
So then I says, "Whats up, Doc?" HAHAhAHAHAHAHA!
CUT TO: Jason and Aaron eat lunch.
JASON
I have the- the cameos and erection jokes. It just isn't that funny!
AARON
It never seems funny until you see it on the big screen.
JASON
Most people think it's never funny!
AARON
Don't start believing those pricks.
JASON
Maybe they are right.
AARON
Look. You're having a little fit, so let me take the script for a few days, work on it a little.
CUT TO: AARON's aparment. He types.
AARON (VO)
All of a sudden, Wolverine slices the straps off the bra of Amy's dress! AMY: AAAH! WOLVERINE:Come here, baby!
Ring! Ring! The phone rings. Aaron answers it.
AARON
Hello? Really! Thanks a bunch!
He hangs up and begins to type another number. He finishes, and holds the phone to his ear.
AARON
Jason! I did it.
CUT TO: Resturaunt. Jason and Aaron sit across from AMY WINEHOUSE.
AARON
It's an honor, Ms. Winehouse.
WINEHOUSE
Ah, I want'd to meet u 2 wankas, I re-wy duunt appweciwate yo' makin' funna me!
JASON
I'm sorry? I don't understand.
Winehouse swigs a bottle of vodka.
WINEHOUSE
Ah, shit, I'm drunk!
JASON
Oh dear.
Winehouse stands up, and throws the vodka bottle at the store window, and it bursts into flame.
JASON
How is that even possible?!?!?!
WINEHOUSE
How's dat fo' public intoxilation, bitch?
Two cops grab Winehouse.
WINEHOUSE
You'll neva take me 'live!!!!!
CUT TO: Inside car. Aaron drives, while Jason sits shotgun.
AARON
So was that helpful?
JASON
Yes! Extremely! Let's set up more meetings with drunk celebrities!
AARON
Really?
JASON
No!
AARON
Come on, it's Amy Winehouse. She's like permanently stoned and drunk.
CUT TO: Jason's apartment. He looks at the blank document. Then he smiles. He begins to type.
CUT TO: MONTAGE of Jason Typing. Finally, he prints it out and we see the final product: BEYOND DEATH: A DRAMA BY JASON FRIEDBERG.
CUT TO: Split screen- Jason and Aaron.
AARON
You wrote WHAT?
JASON
A movie about the triumph of the human spirit. Harvey said he'd buy it!
AARON
So what am I supposed to do?
JASON
1 of the 6 writers of Scary Movie, haha!
He slams the phone down.
CUT TO: 8 months later. Jason stares depressed at the computer. It reads: JAIL MOVIE: 19.3 million. BEYOND DEATH: 0.5 million (limited release)
THE PHONE RINGS. Jason picks it up. It's AARON.
AARON
So, I want to do "Oscar Movie". You in?
We zoom in on Jason.
JASON
I'm listening.
SMASH TO BLACK.
CREDITS:
DIRECTED BY INDY42
STARRING
SIMON PEGG AS JASON FRIEDBERG
PAUL RUDD AS AARON SELTZER
THE END.
|
|
|
|
Post by Dale on Oct 3, 2008 12:26:39 GMT -5
|
|
