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Post by Dale on Sept 8, 2008 14:36:37 GMT -5
EXT. NORTH ATLANTIC OCEAN - NIGHT
A huge squadron of planes flies overhead as a caption in the corner of the screen reads: NORTH ATLANTIC 1945.The planes are marked with red, white and blue symbols and propellers spin on the end of the engines. The camera focuses on one plane in particular.
INT. TRANSPORT PLANE - NIGHT
A large group of American soldiers sit on the benches inside the plane. BUCKY and KOWALSKI sit at the end of the bench, Bucky holding a pack of cigarettes.
BUCKY
You know, I still can't believe the Germans would do something as evil as shoot down a plane filled with Camel Cigarettes.
Bucky holds one of the cigarettes in his hand, turning it around as he examines it.
BUCKY
Man, these things'll kill you.
KOWALSKI
No, cigarettes just stain your teeth, Bucky. Whatever they've got down there on that island's gonna kill us.
Bucky looks up at Kowalski, grinning slightly.
BUCKY
Hitler writing you dollars or deutschmarks to knock Allied morale, Kowalski?
KOWALSKI
Mister, morale couldn't be any lower in here if my mother-in-law was on board. You asleep during that mission-brief or what, newspaper-boy?
The camera shifts to show some soldiers watching Bucky and Kowalski as they talk.
KOWALSKI
The Krauts are building a super-weapon down there that could end the way in a couple of days. And all that's standing between them jack-boots and Madison Avenue is grunts just like you and me -
The camera shifts again, showing Bucky from behind as he looks up at Kowalski.
KOWALSKI
-and the closest thing they have to plan is throwing as many of us at this secret base as they can in the vague hope that somebody is gonna get luck and break it.
The camera zooms in Kowalski's face, showing his grim expression.
KOWALSKI
Exactly what part of that scenario sounds like our morale should be anything higher than freezing point, moron?
The camera shifts from Kowalski's grim face to Bucky's smiling expression.
BUCKY
How about the fact that we've got a secret weapon of our own up here, wise-guy?
Kowalski's face shifts to an almost sarcastic expression. In the background, we see a silhouette of a figure with a shield strapped to his back.
KOWALSKI
What? Captain America? Dressing some clown in a circus costume and calling him a super-soldier might be a big hit with the recruitment people, but how old do you thikn we are, Bucky?
Kowalski's face changes back to his grim demeanor as he finishes up.
KOWALSKI
This ain't just another picture opportunity you can fake to get eighteen-year-old boys excited about joining up. This bomb they're working on can flatten cities in seconds, and all that star-spangled banner stuff they pay you to hawk is just gonna die down there like the rest of us, fella.
The camera cuts to show the lower half of the face of a man. The man is wearing a sort of flight mask over the top half of his face. This is CAPTAIN AMERICA.
CAPTAIN AMERICA
Bucky, would you do me a favor and assure these fine gentlemen that I've never lost a crew in three years of covert operations?
The camera shifts to his hand where he holds a picture of a young woman. The picture is signed by the young GAIL, wishing Steve to return home safely.
CAPTAIN AMERICA
In fact, just to hammer home the point, you're all invited to dinner at my house after the war's over.
The camera shifts the back of CAPTAIN AMERICA, and he puts the picture away as he adjusts his helmet.
CAPTAIN AMERICA
On minute to drop zone, boys.
The soldiers file up, checking their parachutes as they rush to the hatch.
KOWALSKI
I hate to say it but your friend in the flag i just as crazy as you are, hot shot. How's he gonna help us on the ground when he ain't even wearing a parachute?
BUCKY
Don't you read the papers, pal? Captain America practically never wears a parachute.
Bucky stands by the open hatch, grinning back at Kowalski.
BUCKY
He says parachutes are for girls.
EXT. ICELAND - DAY
The sun is just creeping over the horizon as a row of letters flashes across the bottom of the screen: ICELAND, 0:600 HOURS. The sky is full of silhouettes of planes and parachutes. Thousands upon thousands of troops drop down to the ground. Below, we see flashes from explosions and gun barrels.
EXT. ICELAND - DAY
It begins to rain and the water forms puddles in the ground as troops stomp across the ground, splashing water and mud on boots. Gun shots skitter off metal barricades as the soldiers move on, many of them being gunned down by machine gun positions.
EXT. ICELAND - DAY
Then, the camera shifts to reveal a monstrous facility, formed with very modern looking technology and shapes. The soldiers look on in awe at this giant building that towers at least 50 stories into the air. Kowalski stares at the building with his eyes wide and his jaw wide open.
KOWALSKI
Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God.
Suddenly, gun shots are heard and a line of bullets flashes on the ground, one of them hitting Kowalski's thigh.
KOWALSKI
AAGH!! MEDIC! MEDIC!!!
Bucky rushes over, a medical kit in his hand.
BUCKY
Take it easy, Kowalski, I'm on my way.
Bucky rushes to Kowalski's side, yanking tools out of his kit and ripping apart the clothing over Kowalski's wound.
KOWALSKI
What do you think you're doing, Bucky? I need a bandage, you lunatic, not a picture!
BUCKY
Will you shut up and keep still? I've been on enough of these missions to know how to treat a bullet wound, Kowalski.
Cut to behind Bucky as he uses a pair of tongs to remove the bullet from his thigh, causing Kowalski's face to contort in pain.
KOWALSKI
Ow! Take it easy, Bucky!
BUCKY
I'm sorry, okay?
KOWALSKI
So what happened to your living legend, huh, soldier? Shouldn't this have been a walk-in-the-park for the patron saint of Omaha Beach and the backbone of the battle of Normandy?
Bucky's face screws up in concentration and frustration as he wraps a bandage tightly around Kowalski's thigh.
BUCKY
You're an idiot, you know that, Kowalski?
KOWALSKI
No, the idiots are the people who believe that Captain America garbage you print in the papers, Bucky. I mean where's this super-soldier now that we're getting shot to pieces, huh? Having a beer with Uncle Sam? Chasin' skirt with the Easter Bunny?
The camera cuts to above both of them as they look up at the sky, rain falling as Bucky grins.
BUCKY
Nah, he's just circling the plane so he can clear us a path through all these freakin' Nazis, I guess.
KOWALSKI
What?
The camera shifts to show the sky as Captain America's plane flies overhead, flying towards the huge complex.
INT. TRANSPORT PLANE - DAY
Captain America sits at the cockpit, maneuvering the plane towards the complex when the voice of the COMMANDER crackles over the radio.
COMMANDER
Cap,this is Betty Boop: What in God's name are you doing, soldier? This was not the plan! I repeat, this was NOT THE PLAN! Over!!
CAPTAIN AMERICA
Unfortunately, the plan had a hole the size of Iowa, Bird-Man, but the variables didn't hit me until drop-time minus thirty -
EXT. ICELAND - DAY
The plane flies towards a large glass door at the bottom of the facility. Captain America's voice can still be heard.
CAPTAIN AMERICA
This rocket they've got is aimed straight at the White House! We're not getting a second chance at this! Over!
COMMANDER
Cap, for God's sake! This isn't gonna work! The north face of the base is absolutely impregnable! Over!
We see Captain America standing on the wing of the plane, hanging on to the open hatch as he prepares for impact.
CAPTAIN AMERICA
No such animal, Birdman! Captain America OVER AND OUT!
The plane skids along the ground as it flies towards the glass panels.
INT. NAZI FACILITY - DAY
The plane crashes through the glass panels, exploding on impact, fire bursting everywhere as it lands inside.
EXT. ICELAND - DAY
Bucky and Kowalski duck behind a ditch as machine gun fire rattles everywhere. They had just witnessed Captain America's plane bursting through into the inside of the facility.
KOWALSKI
How did you say you know this guy again, Bucky?
BUCKY
Well, believe it or not, I used to save this guy from getting bullied and getting his butt kicked three times a week on our way home from Saint Mary's Youth Club.
INT. NAZI FACILITY - DAY
German Soldiers rush to try to escape as a heavy boot kicks open a door. One SOLDIER tries to shout out.
GERMAN SOLDIER
OH MEIN GOTT! ERSCHIETSST ES! ERSCHIESST ES DOCH ENDLICH!
Suddenly, a boot kicks him in the gut and a shield knocks from under his chin, knocking him out. Captain America takes out the rest of them in similar fashion with a variety of punches, throws and smashes.
EXT. ICELAND - DAY
Bucky grins as Kowalski looks on in awe as the Captain tosses a soldier off a machine gun battery emplacement with relative ease.
BUCKY
Lucky for us, he's kind filled out since then.
EXT. ICELAND - DAY
Captain America stands on top of where a machine gun battery used to be, surveying the scene while using his shield to block machine gun bullets from hitting him.
CAPTAIN AMERICA
WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR, LADIES? CHRISTMAS?!
The troops all cheer and rush on up the hill towards the complex, Captain America at their head. They shoot down many enemy soldiers until they arrive at the large hole where Captain America's plane had broke in.
INT. NAZI FACILITY - DAY
Captain America uses his shield to toss a couple troops over his head as he punches another one in the chin. The other American soldiers use their guns to shoot as many enemies as possible. Cap then uses the sharp end of his shield to spike through an opposing soldier as Bucky looks towards something else in shock and awe.
CAPTAIN AMERICA
Talk to me, Bucky. Those lousy jokes of yours are the only I can tell that you're still alive when we're doing this stuff.
BUCKY
Oh my God. This is impossible.
CAPTAIN AMERICA
What?
Bucky points at several large metal scaffoldings. Inside the metal is a huge white missile, aimed at the sky.
BUCKY
How can the Germans be this far ahead of us, Cap? Even if Oppenheimer gets a result in Los Alamos next month, we're never gonna be able to match this. Where'd they get their hands on the Flash Gordon tech?
Captain America looks at Bucky with a grim expression on his face.
CAPTAIN AMERICA
Yo wouldn't believe me if I told you, chum. Let's just say that there's more sides fighting in this war than anyone will ever know.
INT. NAZI FACILITY - DAY
The German soldier from earlier rushes up several steel steps and calls to a commander wearing a black uniform.
GERMAN SOLDIER
Was machen wir jetzt? Die Techniker sind immer noch unten um den Antriebsmotor fertigzustellen?
GERMAN COMMANDER
Das ist jetzt egal. Wir mussen starten. Wir haben keine Zeit mehr um zu diskutieren.
The commander pushes a large red button on a control panel and red lights begin to flash. Fire and smoke comes out from the end of the rocket, burning nearby soldiers. The voice of the commander blasts on the loudspeaker.
GERMAN COMMANDER
Achtung! Achtung! Alle Truppen versammeln sich in der Haupthalle -
Cut to Captain America using his shield to bash a soldier's teeth down his neck.
GERMAN COMMANDER
Igre einzige Aufgabe bestegt jetzt darin Captain America zu stoppen.
Captain America glances at the rocket before using his shield to knock out another troop. Then, Cap rushes towards the rocket, sprinting at full speed.
CAPTAIN AMERICA
Bucky, if you want a picture for the morning paper, it isn't going to get much better than this!
Bucky looks on in awe as Captain America rushes towards the rocket, preparing to spring. Above him, the groaning of metal is heard as a variety of metal doors open to allow the rocket to launch. The German commander looks at the Captain as he tosses a troop overhead with his shield, speaking in English.
GERMAN COMMANDER
You're too late, Captain. The missile has already been launched. Who do you think shall command the Allied forces once Washington has been wiped from the map, eh? Comrade Stalin, perhaps? Or maybe even that fat, little Englishman with the face like a bulldog's rear end?
Cap rushes at the rocket, clearing away the last of the troops with a sweep of his shield, shouting over the roar of the flames.
CAPTAIN AMERICA
Sorry, Fritz, but I didn't go through six months of steroids and surgery so my fifteen-year-old brother could take a crash course in German!
Cap leaps through the blistering fire, grabbing towards the rocket.
CAPTAIN AMERICA
This rocket's staying in it's bed!
Cap manages to latch on to the rocket's side as it blasts into the sky.
INT. NAZI FACILITY - DAY
Bucky sits on the ground, trying to operate a small radio as the rest of the soldiers gun down the remaining German soldiers.
BUCKY
If I can just raise Cap on the two-way here...
EXT. ICELAND - DAY
Cap hangs on to the side of the rocket, his helmet and shield lost in the wind. The rocket rumbles loudly, making it hard to hear what he's saying. Cap tears at a metal plate as he shouts to make himself heard on the two-way.
CAPTAIN AMERICA
Sorry, Bucky. You're gonna have to shout louder. I can't hear a blasted thing over these rocket engines.
BUCKY
Cap, for the love of God!
Cap rips off the metal plating, flinging it away into the air as he shouts.
CAPTAIN AMERICA
Well, what do you expect me to do now? I'm already on the rocket!
INT. NAZI FACILITY - DAY
Bucky watches as the rocket blasts through the sky, shouting through the two-way.
BUCKY
Steve, what are you hoping for? Even you can't disable a prototype Hydrogen bomb!
CAPTAIN AMERICA
No, but I may be carrying enough grenades to sabotage this sucker's internal guidance system. If I disrupt them now, I might still be able to knock this thing completely off course.
EXT. ICELAND - DAY
Cap hangs onto the rocket with one hand, holding a grenade with the other while pulling the pin off with his teeth.
BUCKY
But what about you?!
CAPTAIN AMERICA
What about me?
BUCKY
Steve, don't be an idiot!
The grenade goes off, blowing Cap off the side of the rocket. Cap falls through the sky, his hair and uniform singed. Several seconds later, the rocket detonates, creating a huge explosion that lights up the sky with fire.
Meanwhile, Cap falls into the Atlantic as the contents of a letter he wrote to Gail, in case anything like this would ever happen.
CAPTAIN AMERICA (VO)
My darling Gail...
INT. NAZI FACILITY - DAY
Bucky looks on, tears welling up in his eyes, behind him, even Kowalski looks a little sad.
CAPTAIN AMERICA (VO)
I can't imagine what's going on in your head right now, but just the fact that you're reading this means something bad has happened and for that I am sorry.
We cut to see Captain America's helmet lying on the ground, next to the photograph of Gail.
CAPTAIN AMERICA (VO)
Sorry for saying you were wrong, sorry for going to war, sorry for dying and leaving you alone like this.
INT. ATLANTIC OCEAN
Cap sinks through the ocean, piece of metal sinking with him, his eyes strangely empty.
CAPTAIN AMERICA (VO)
All I ever wanted was for us to get married and have kids and buy that little house with the cherry blossom trees on Cedar Street. It breaks my heart to think that you and I might get cheated out of all the tiny joys other people take for granted.
Cap begins to drift away.
CAPTAIN AMERICA (VO)
But even if we ARE separated for a little while, we've got to remember that God is GOOD and even the most TERRIBLE things happen for the best of REASONS. HEAVEN and HELL couldn't keep us apart, Gail Richards. I know in my heart that no matter what the future holds...
Cap drifts further, until he just a tiny speck in the ocean.
CAPTAIN AMERICA (VO)
...you and I will be together again ONE day.
The scene goes black.
CAPTAIN AMERICA (VO)
Always and forever, Steve.
EXT. MOUNT EVEREST - DAY
TONY STARK stands at the top of peak of Mount Everest, looking at the wonderful view while a row of words flashes across the bottom of the screen: MOUNT EVEREST, 2008. Tony speaks on a radio that's mounted on his collar, his breath crystallizing in the air.
TONY STARK
You know, Jarvis, this has got to be my favorite place in the world. No meetings, no cell-phones, no contracts being pored over by snake-eyed little lawyers...
The camera zooms out, revealing Tony as a lone speck on a mountain of white snow.
TONY STARK
Stark International might be the third biggest company in America, but standing up here just kind of puts everything back in perspective don't you think?
JARVIS' voice crackles back over the radio.
JARVIS
Sounds to me like we're going to have to DRAG you back to the the office, Mr. Stark.
TONY STARK
No, no. Quite the opposite actually. Nothing gets me more focused on the next stage of the plan than these six-week fasts on Everest. Oh, and by the way, Jarvis, you're gonna have to replenish the wine cellar, if you will.
JARVIS
All right, sir.
TONY STARK
This coming Monday marks a whole new chapter in my life, Jarvis. Let's get down to it.
INT. RESTAURANT - DAy
BRUCE BANNER and NICK FURY look out the window at a ruined port. The port was demolished completely. A WAITRESS stands next to their table.
WAITRESS
Are you ready to order, gentlemen?
BRUCE BANNER
Ah, could I have the sesame and ginger oven roast in the sweet red pepper sauce? Oh, no onions, please. They kind of bring out a rash in me.
WAITRESS
And you, sir?
NICK FURY
Just the steak, thanks. Medium rare.
WAITRESS
Thank you, sir.
The waitress leaves and Nick leans in towards Bruce.
NICK FURY
Listen, I'm sorry about the view, Doctor Banner. All those little geniuses who organize my schedule and no one even stops to think about where they're sitting us for lunch.
The camera leans back, showing Nick gesturing towards the destroyed pier.
NICK FURY
I just hope watching them rebuild Chelsea Piers doesn't bring the whole Hulk thing back for you.
BRUCE BANNER
The Hulk?
The scene flashes a red flashback and shows an enraged Hulk trying to rip apart Spiderman. It cuts back to show Bruce glancing out the window.
BRUCE BANNER
To tell you the truth, I hardly give the Hulk a second thought these days, General.
NICK FURY
Well, don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not entirely sure you're ready to come back yet, son.You need another six months sick leave, just say the word, cowboy.
BRUCE BANNER
Oh, no. Believe me, sir, when I say that I really am a hundred percent again. They've got me on three blood tests a day at the moment and there hasn't been any trace of any Hulk cells in my system for almost twelve entire weeks.
The camera zooms on Bruce's face, showing him smiling slightly.
BRUCE BANNER
If I seem a little spaced, it's because I've been popping pills lately to stay awake. Bruce Banner being asleep just feels too much like the Hulk being awake, if you know what I mean. What about you? How are you enjoying the new job? Doesn't being in charge of world security get a little daunting when you're sitting in the big chair?
The camera pans to show Nick grinning broadly.
NICK FURY
Man, heading S.H.I.E.L.D. is like being the President, the Queen and the Pope all rolled into one, Doctor Banner. Even lunch with another exployee becomes a minor military operations once your name's at the top of the official notepaper.
Nick thrusts a thumb towards a table of nearby diners, apparently chatting happily with each other
NICK FURY
Can you believe that half these diners are highly-decorated undercover agents and whatever we select from the menu gets tested by company bacteriologists?
The camera zooms out to show New York City in from an infrared view.
NICK FURY
Every article of clothing I had has been destroyed and replaced by a million dollar wardrobe laced with bugs and cameras.
Cut to a satellite with the SHIELD emblem on it floating in space.
NICK FURY
Every word we're saying now is being taped, typed and analyzed by two hundred linguistics professors beneath a Starbucks in downtown Oregon. Taking this position was like volunteering for a career as a paranoid schizophrenic... But the money's good and the girls are pretty and being in charge allows me to smile favorable on all those little under-funded side-projects.
Cut back to the restaurant where Nick is leaning back in his chair.
BRUCE BANNER
Such as?
NICK FURY
What would you say that if I told you that the President has just authorized a hundred and fifty billion dollar cash injection into your project for a new Captain America?
BRUCE BANNER
I'd say that you were lying, sir.
NICK FURY
Oh, really?
BRUCE BANNER
Why would anyone invest a nickle in the super soldier project after what I did to Chelsea Piers, General?
NICK FURY
Because these are crazy times, Doctor. Crime is becoming super-crime. And so our enforcements needs to become "super-enforcement."
BRUCE BANNER
Are you serious about all of this?
Nick reaches into a bag next to him and hands Bruce a large file filled with papers.
NICK FURY
Serious enough to be moving your people from that dump little squat in Pittsburgh to a brand-new facility off the coast of Manhattan, Banner. And besides, George Junior kind of figured we need someone up there with a flag on his chest more than ever right now, what with terrorist attacks and all.
Banner flips through the papers, shock snaking onto his face.
BRUCE BANNER
But this is unbelievable! Creating a small superhuman unit for twenty-first century problems. This is everything I ever scribbled in those faxes that General Ross used to ignore, I don't know what to say...
NICK FURY
Well, don't say anything yet then, Doctor. Because all this comes with one special condition.
BRUCE BANNER
Which is what?
NICK FURY
We're demoting you to number two.
INT. SUPER-SOLDIER RESEARCH FACILITY - NIGHT
JANET PYM walks into the facility, her coat on and an umbrella in her hand. She looks around in surprise as boxes seemingly move themselves onto the moving truck outside. Upon closer inspection, she realizes that are hundreds of millions of ants underneath the boxes, moving them along. Janet walks into the office, speaking to her husband, HANK PYM, who sits with a strange helmet on his head and types on a computer.
JANET PYM
Ants?
HANK PYM
Yeah. Aren't they incredible? It's new form of military communication I've been working on. This neat little helmet uses pheromones instead of radio waves to issue instructions under enemy radar. It's not fully developed but we'll be moving up to spiders in a few months.
JANET PYM
You're definitely on a roll, Hank. I don't think I've seen you this super-charged since you built that pacemaker for the cat.
HANK PYM
Tell me about it. This Giant Man formula is practically writing ITSELF.
Suddenly, Janet's jacket drops to the floor as she turns into smaller figure with flapping wings that allows her to fly around.
JANET PYM
I just wish Banner wasn't coming back to spoil everything.
HANK PYM
Oh, don't worry about him, hon. Fury's got him on the other side of the complex working on that Captain America serum he's been working on for years. The only time you'll see him is at parties and stuff. And the fact that Tony Stark's involved can only be a good thing, right?
JANET PYM
Tony Stark? Like Iron Man?
HANK PYM
That's the one. Didn't you read the e-mail? Apparently, Mr. Stark came down from a mountain and told Fury he could have Iron Man for his nice new team.
EXT. MANHATTAN - DAY
Iron Man blasts through the city, propelling himself around using his feet-mounted rocket boosters. He flies past windows and inside, people wave as he pasts by.
INT. STARK TOWER - DAY
Nick Fury and Jarvis stand at an observation panel, watching Tony as he blasts around the city.
NICK FURY
Is he always like this, Jarvis?
JARVIS
Oh, yes, sir. He doesn't consider a test run complete until he's waved at every office girl in the city.
A metal door hisses open and Iron Man lands inside the hanger, mechanical arms removing the suit.
TONY STARK
Oh, don't believe a word of it. I only wave at the pretty ones.
JARVIS
As usual, Master Tony? You know what they say about bachelor boys who feel a constant compulsion to remind us what insatiable ladies' men they are?
TONY STARK
Shut up, Jarvis. Where are those Vodkas and Orange I asked for?
Jarvis walks up to Tony, holding a tray with a glass on it.
NICK FURY
Vodkas and Orange? It's 10 am, Tony.
TONY STARK
Not in Moscow, old boy. Cheers, by the way. So, who's in this super line-up of ours?
The two of them walk away down a long hallway as they talk.
NICK FURY
Well, there's you, the Pyms and whatever marine we end up with once we get the serum.
TONY STARK
What about that Thor guy over in Europe?
NICK FURY
Well, unfortunately, he won't answer his mobile at the moment. That said, I'd rather have his hammer on our side than the other, if you know what I mean.
TONY STARK
But of course.
They arrive in Tony's office and Tony proceeds to put on his tie and jacket.
NICK FURY
The only thing we don't know is why you decided to join up with us.
TONY STARK
In all seriousness? I guess I just wondered what things could be like if all the billionaires and government spooks tried to save the world instead of bleeding it dry. Does that make any sense?
NICK FURY
More than you'll ever know, Monopoly Man.
INT. TRISKELION RESEARCH FACILITY - DAY
Bruce and Janet stand in a control area with a variety of other personnel while Hank stands in the center of a large testing area.
BRUCE BANNER
Let's hope you're luckier with this than I was with Captain America. You have everything calculated?
Hank stands in the center of the area, strapping a tan-colored leather testing suit.
HANK PYM
You bet, Banner. I've got everything worked out. I'm just worried that I won't stop before I hit the sixty feet mark.
BRUCE BANNER
Sixty feet? What happens at sixty feet?
JANET PYM
That's the point when the human skeleton can no longer support its own body-mass. If he can't stop by then, his bones are gonna snap.
Janet pushes a button and her voice is blasted on the intercom.
JANET PYM
All right, guys. Clear the area please. Testing begins now.
The camera focuses on Hank. Soon, changes begin to show. Hank's fingers begin to stretch out of the leather.
HANK PYM
Oh my God...
JANET PYM
Don't be scared. This is what we WANT to happen.
Suddenly, the lights burst out, throwing the room into darkness.
HANK PYM
WHAT HAPPENED TO THE LIGHTS?
JANET PYM
Don't worry. Just a little technical thing.
HANK PYM
OH MY GOD! I'M TURNING INSIDE OUT! STOP THE EXPERIMENT!
Quickly, Janet and the rest of them rush to the testing area to see what's going on. When they arrive, the camera pans up to reveal Hank Pym, his head touching the ceiling, crouching.
HANK PYM
Gotcha, suckers...
JANET PYM
Fifty-nine feet, eleven and half inches, way to go, Hank! How much did that rock, Doctor Banner?
BRUCE BANNER
Oh, it was great. It rocked all right.
A flash of red and we see momentarily the contorted eyes of the Hulk.
BRUCE BANNER
Yee-hah.
INT. BRUCE BANNER'S QUARTERS - DAY
We see Bruce sitting on his couch, a table in front him covered with scraps of paper. He's talking on the phone.
BRUCE BANNER
How am I doing? What do you think? Hank Pym is swaggering around, calling himself Giant Man while I'm sitting here writing useless equations -
Banner pauses and his face contorts in disbelief.
BRUCE BANNER
Excuse me, General?
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Post by Dale on Sept 8, 2008 14:37:14 GMT -5
INT. TRISKELION RESEARCH FACILITY - DAY
Nick Fury stands next to a window, sipping iced tea as he talks on his cell phone.
NICK FURY
I said shut up and crack open that bottle of champagne you've been saving for the next season of Star Trek. The answer to your prayers has just been answered...
The camera pans to show a group of SHIELD scientists using small lasers to melt the ice surrounding the frozen body of Captain America.
NICK FURY
You won't believe what they just fished out of the Arctic.
The scene goes black. We hear a moan as the black begins to focus back in. We see a fuzzy image of Bruce Banner and then the image focuses again, making it clearer. Captain America lies on a bed, his arms strapped down. Doctor Banner stands above him.
BRUCE BANNER
Captain America?
Cap opens his eyes and he comes back to consciousness.
BRUCE BANNER
My name is Dr. Robert Bruce Banner and I'm the new assistant principal of the super soldier program you joined in 1942. Behind me is industrialist Tony Stark and the head SHIELD international security, Nick Fury.
Nick and Tony nod respectively as the camera pans out to reveal several soldiers with their guns aimed at him.
BRUCE BANNER
I know this must look strange, but you really ARE among friends here.
CAPTAIN AMERICA
What's going on? What happened to that facility?
TONY STARK
You neutralized it, Captain. The mission was a success and we won the war. But not without a price.
NICK FURY
I think you better brace yourself for this, soldier.
CAPTAIN AMERICA
How long have I been out, doc?
BRUCE BANNER
Well, uhm... You see...
NICK FURY
Sixty-three years, soldier.
We cut to the outside of the room and suddenly the door breaks down and three soldiers are tossed out of he room.
CAPTAIN AMERICA
The accent was flawless, Fritz. But you should have done your homework. The highest ranking black man in the army is a Brooklyn-born Captain I grew up with.
Cap ducks to avoid a couple of bullets before turning with his shoulder and smashing the window with his shoulder, bursting out of the building. He lands and continues to run until a giant hand reaches from nowhere and squashes him against a jeep. Hank Pym stands above them, using his giant hand to pin down the Cap. Nick, Tony and Bruce rush out of the complex.
BRUCE BANNER
Holy geez!
TONY STARK
Are you out of your mind? You just killed Captain America, you idiot!
HANK PYM
Relax. He's still wriggling.
EXT. CEMETERY - DAY
We see Captain America and Nick Fury standing in front of a row of gravestones. His expression is sad and his shoulders are slumped.
CAPTAIN AMERICA
By the way, I'm sorry about breaking your nose back there, General Fury.
NICK FURY
Take it easy. This nose has been broken more times than Robert Downey Junior.
CAPTAIN AMERICA
This is all just so strange... I feel like Rip Van Winkle, all I did was blink and the whole world just left me behind. You should have just left me in the ice, General Fury. Everything I ever loved is gone.
NICK FURY
Not everything, Captain, not everything.
Nick gestures with a hand towards the distance and Cap turns to look. Above the leaf-less tress and snow-covered tombstones is the American flag, waving in the wind.
INT. TRISKELION - NIGHT
The scene changes to a large reception area with Nick Fury walking with BETTY ROSS on his arm. Cameras flash and celebrities wave as Betty and Nick smile and wave.
NICK FURY
Are we really paying these guys five hundred dollars a head just to wave a flag?
BETTY ROSS
It's a small price to pay for looking good on television, Nick. This launch-party is being broadcast in forty-two languages and the last thing the world wants to see is a bunch of pimple-faced fatties cheering on their favorite super-team.
NICK FURY
Well, you ain't the one justifying half a million bucks on male models in the next budget review.
Nick waves and smiles as Betty frowns slightly.
BETTY ROSS
You know, Nick, I wasn't hired to head public relations because my dad was your old boss, so I'd appreciate if it you'd stop making me feel like I was, okay?
NICK FURY
Okay. But have you ever stopped and wondered what old man Ross would have made of all this, Betty?
The camera zooms out as Nick gestures around, showing the pure spaciousness of the complex.
NICK FURY
We've got five THOUSAND technicians, TEN THOUSAND support troops, a headquarters designed by Norman Foster and an all-star gala opening night. This is more like a Hollywood event than the launch of the military's new defense initiative.
The camera zooms out even more, displaying the architecture of the building and the large glass windows on one side.
BETTY ROSS
The difference between us and Hollywood, Nick, is that I'M going to make the Ultimates REALLY famous.
The camera finally zooms out all the way, displaying a monstrous island, shaped like a boomerang with a huge complex on it. A huge glass tower sticks out from the middle and a variety of bright lights probe the sky.
INT. TRISKELION - NIGHT
Tony stands next to Bruce, who is kind of slouched in the corner. They both hold glasses of alcohol.
TONY STARK
Tasty little ex you got there, Banner. Kind of kinky that she's General Ross' daughter too, eh? Ever wonder what she'd look like in her dad's old army uniform and a big, fake mustache?
BRUCE BANNER
Erm, no. And she isn't my ex, Stark. We're just in the middle of a trial seperation. Besides, aren't you supposed to be here with Jennifer Tilly?
TONY STARK
Ah, yes. But you always have to keep your options open with women, Brucie. One minute they're on you like Oprah to a twinkie and the next they're a cover-story for some limp-wristed scientologist. Now, if you'll excuse me... Ah, Jarvis, another drink for our former Hulk if you don't mind.
Tony Stark walks away as Jarvis hands a glass of wine to Bruce, who stands alone in the crowd.
JARVIS
Cheer up, Master Bruce. You're not the only one who's ever been alone in a crowd, you know.
INT. TRISKELION - NIGHT
Hank and Janet stand in front of Nick Fury and THE PRESIDENT, talking about Captain America.
HANK PYM
Kelvar costume, Captain America jet, Captain America tank; I feel like I'm playing with my old G.I. Joe again, Mister President. I haven't had fun like this in years.
JANET PYM
We designed a shield for him too. What would Captain America be without a shield?
The President waves and walks away as Fury follows him down a flight of stairs.
THE PRESIDENT
Is he strong, General?
NICK FURY
Incredibly so.
THE PRESIDENT
Is he smart?
NICK FURY
Tactically off the scale, Mister President. And he's got the experience needed to head a team like this.
THE PRESIDENT
Add the Thunder God guy to this list and all the other super soldiers we can get from the serum and I don't see anyone acting up for a while. Do you, General?
NICK FURY
I can't say that I do, sir. I can't say that I do.
The two of them arrive at the bottom of the steps and The President addresses someone off camera.
THE PRESIDENT
So what do you think of the twenty-first century, Captain America? Cool or uncool?
The camera shifts to show Captain America, wearing a brand new suit with a brand new shield, saluting as a flock of media below taking pictures with flashing cameras.
CAPTAIN AMERICA
Cool, Mr. President. Definitely very cool.
EXT. NEW YORK CITY - DAY
The camera starts off in at a high point in the city, displaying the variety of buildings before panning down slowly to reveal Steve and Janet walking down the street together, holding a couple of shopping bags.
STEVE ROGERS
Thanks for helping me pick out all the new clothes, Jan. You really know your way around those boutiques.
JANET PYM
Well, my mom was a designer so I guess shopping's in the blood, Cap. Besides, I was getting tired of seeing you showing up for meetings in pork-pie hat and bell-bottoms.
STEVE ROGERS
I just hope that your husband didn't mind you spending the entire afternoon with a strange man.
JANET PYM
Oh, come on. Two cappuccinos and a look around some shops is hardly grounds for divorce these days. You're not in nineteen forty-five anymore, buster.
STEVE ROGERS
Tell me about it. Two hundred and fifty bucks for a pair of jeans? I didn't make that much in six months when I first joined the army.
JANET PYM
You know what's weird? Here you are, all cheekbones and six-pack like a Calvin Klein model but the second you open your mouth you sound as ancient as my dear, old Dad.
STEVE ROGERS
To tell you the truth, I've probably got ten years on your father, Jan.
JANET PYM
Now, that's a creepy thought.
They enter an apartment building and begin to ascend a flight of steps, the walls are dirty and covered with graffiti.
JANET PYM
But surely you could rent somewhere a little more... "up-market" with all that lovely money you're getting for this Ultimates thing.
STEVE ROGERS
Six hundred dollars a month for a one bedroom apartment is more than enough, thank you very much. Besides, I've lived in this neighborhood my entire life. I'm not going to pick up my stuff and move just because of some drugged-out little wiseguys hanging around the front door.
JANET PYM
Well, I at least hope you invested some cash on buying big, unbreakable locks.
They turn a corner and walk up another pair of steps. A door is swung wide open and the door knob and lock is busted open on the ground.
JANET PYM
Oh, Steve...
EXT. TRISKELION - DAY
Bruce and Betty stand on a dock near the water, Bruce is putting away his cell phone while talking.
BETTY ROSS
Steve Rogers' quarters were breached? Who do the think were behind it: the Arabs or the Chinese?
BRUCE BANNER
Actually, he reckons it was a bunch of kids who live across the street and he's heading over to kick their butts right now, Betty.
Bruce looks down at his shoes.
BRUCE BANNER
Poor Cap. He spent all week trawling flea-markets to piece together his old record collection and then some idiot just pours paint-stripper all over it.
BETTY ROSS
Gee, that's really tragic, Bruce, but right now I'm a little more concerned about this televised training exercise nobody's bothered showing up for. I mean, Starks' on Everest again, Fury's meeting with Cheney and Captain America and Wasp are trying to avenge some stupid Frank Sinatra albums.
The camera shifts to show Giant Man, standing at almost sixty-feet tall, crouching in front of a large group of media and press.
BETTY ROSS
As far as the media are going to be concerned, we're promoting a super-team consisting entirely of Giant Man.
Betty looks away while Bruce shuffles his feet.
BETTY ROSS
My God, Bruce. Wasn't it bad enough that Hank and Janet had you demoted without letting everybody down with the new Super-Soldiers too? You should be losing your mind about not being able to crack that serum.
Bruce looks dejectedly to the side.
BRUCE BANNER
Trust me, losing my mind might not end up too well for everybody.
BETTY ROSS
Well, what about Hawkeye? Wasn't he supposed to be making an appearance today?
BRUCE BANNER
Well, actually, he's on, uhm, vacation in the Maldives. And since this wasn't technically an emergency...
BETTY ROSS
Oh, for God's sake. The hacks are going to eat us alive for this, you moron.
BRUCE BANNER
I'm sorry...
BETTY ROSS
Well, sorry doesn't stop me looking like an idiot, does it? Just make sure Thor gets on this team or this temporary break might become permanent.
Betty walks away, leaving Bruce with a pained expression on his face.
EXT. NORWAY - NIGHT
A large group of people are standing around a large fire, playing guitars and dancing with a ring of trucks surrounding them. Suddenly, the whirring of helicopter blades is heard and a helicopter lands nearby. The door opens and Nick Fury and Bruce step out of the helicopter walking to the center of the circle, where THOR sits against a truck with a beer bottle in his hand.
NICK FURY
Somebody hasn't been answering my telephone calls.
THOR
Then, perhaps that somebody is not even remotely interested in anything you have to say, Nicholas Fury.
Thor takes a sip from his bottle and rests his head against the hood of the truck.
THOR
I hope you're not here to arrest me for my peaceful demonstration in the World Trade protests, General.
NICK FURY
Trust me, Thor, if I were to arrest you, I'd have more than my regulation SHIELD automatic and a pen knife.
THOR
Then this must be about that tempting job offer to cut my hair and sign up for the marines, eh?
BRUCE BANNER
The Ultimates isn't an army, Thor. They're a team of super heroes we assembled to take care of the post-human problems that the normal armed forces can't handle anymore.
THOR
Oh, it does not matter if you're wearing capes or combat boots, little man. You're all just thugs in uniform who'll smash any threat to a corrupt status quo.
Thor leans back and the camera pans out to show the rest of the people who are just standing there, listening.
THOR
Go back to your paymasters and tell them that the Son of Odin does not wish to work for a military complex what engineers wars and kills innocents. You may talk of super-villains now, but it won't be long before you start to kill for oil or free trade.
BRUCE BANNER
Oh, for goodness sake. How can you people just sit there and listen to this "Son of Odin" garbage?
Banner begins to lose his temper and he holds up a packet full of files.
NICK FURY
Take it easy, Banner...
BRUCE BANNER
No, these people should know the guy they're following is a delusional crack-pot, General.
Banner takes the files and slaps them against the palm of his hand.
BRUCE BANNER
You are NOT the New Messiah, you're a crazy ex-nurse who had a nervous breakdown three weeks short of his thirtieth birthday and spent eighteen months in a lunatic asylum. You might make a fortune on lecture tours and self-help books but I've got all your secrets in this packet right here.
The camera zooms in on Thor who sighs and taps his forehead with his fingers.
THOR
And I've got all YOUR secrets up HERE, Doctor Banner. Have you told Betty Ross that you cry yourself to sleep every night or are you too busy fantasizing about hurting the Pyms for stealing your old job?
Banner stares at Thor in shock.
BRUCE BANNER
What?
THOR
These powers are neither mutant or machine, human. If a demonstration from Mjolnir is what you require than I shall happily oblige.
The camera pans out as a huge flash of lightning flashes and the roll of thunder rumbles across the sky. Rain pours down in buckets as Thor smiles.
NICK FURY
What about that interview you gave on 60 minutes, Thor? I thought you were here to save the world.
THOR
Oh, that was the truth, General Fury. I am here to save the world. Save it from people like YOU.
Fury turns around and begins to walk back to the helicopter.
NICK FURY
Come on, Banner, let's go. We're obviously wasting our time here.
INT. TRISKELION RECREATION ROOM - DAY
The words: WEEKS LATER flashes on the bottom of thes creen as Janet, Hank, Steve and Nick sit in the rec room, Fury eating pizza and Steve reading a book.
JANET PYM
Well, no Thor, no Super-Soldier serum and not even a hint of a super-villain for us, gentlemen. If it wasn't for this two-year merchandising campaign Stark tied us to, I bet they'd be pulling the plug on us right now.
NICK FURY
Hey, did you hear about the Ultimates movie they're planning on making? Betty Ross told me they're in discussions about Brad Pitt as Captain America.
STEVE ROGERS
Who's Brad Pitt?
HANK PYM
We're getting a movie? This might not be such a disaster after all. Who do you think would play you, Nick?
NICK FURY
Why, Mister Samuel L. Jackson of course. That's not even open to debate. And Johnny Depp could do a convincing Tony Stark.
JANET PYM
What? Depp's too much of a pretty boy. Stark's a crazy kind of Howard Hughes character. I'd rather see someone like that.
NICK FURY
Don't underestimate Depp, Mrs. Pym. A lot of people tag him as a pretty-boy but if you picture him doing El Wood in an Iron Man suit and you've got Tony Stark up there in celluloid, baby.
HANK PYM
I could see that. Who'd play me?
NICK FURY
Oh, that's easy. Matthew McConnaughey, of course.
JANET PYM
What about me?
NICK FURY
Who else but Miss Lucy Liu?
JANET PYM
Oh, naturally. Even though she looks nothing like me, she'd be great because all Asian people are basically identical, right? Who's your back-up choice, Bruce Lee?
STEVE ROGERS
Who's Bruce Lee?
HANK PYM
You know who could play Banner but than Banner?
JANET PYM
Um, Hank, I think you should shut up...
Standing behind Hank is Bruce Banner who looks around in shock before tossing aside the papers he was holding and walking away.
HANK PYM
I was going to say Steve Buscemi. How's that insulting?
EXT. TIMES SQUARE - NIGHT
Rain falls steadily as many cars drive around. Banner stands underneath a overhang, hiding from the rain while talking on his cell phone.
BRUCE BANNER
Betty? Oh thank God your phone wasn't switched off. I've got to tell you something important...
BETTY ROSS
Bruce? Is that you? Listen, I really can't talk now. I'm having dinner with Freddy Prinze Junior...
BRUCE BANNER
Betty. Just shut up. I've done something incredibly stupid.
BETTY ROSS
Excuse me?... Bruce, just calm down and tell me what you've done wrong, okay?
BRUCE BANNER
I just felt so bad about not being able to crack the formula that I mixed Cap's blood with the Hulk serum and injected the whole thing into myself.
BETTY ROSS
What? Why would you do that?
BRUCE BANNER
Well, the way I rationalized it was that by turning into the Hulk, I could give everyone something to fight and stop my life's dream from going up in smoke. But to tell you the truth, I just missed being big.
Banner falls to the ground, convulsing. His phone falls beside him.
BETTY ROSS
Bruce? BRUCE?!
INT. AMBULANCE - NIGHT
ANDY and DAVE stand next to a stretcher where Banner is on. Andy has two shock pads hooked up and applied to Banner's stomach.
ANDY
Shocking at two hundred, Dave. Stand clear.
DAVE
Standing clear.
They shock him and Banner twitches but does not slip back into consciousness.
ANDY
Still no output here. Shocking again at three-sixty. Stand clear.
They shock him again but nothing happens.
ANDY
Still nothing, boss. He's way out. What was he ON back there?
DAVE
Doesn't matter. Get a line in him and check his pupillary reflexes.
Suddenly, Banner wakes up and begins to scream and twitch.
BRUCE BANNER
BETTY!
DAVE
What in God's name...?
Banner begins to try to get away but Andy and Dave keep holding him down.
DAVE
Hold him down and get some Haloperidol in him, Andy! He's gonna do himself an injury!
ANDY
I can't restrain him! He's stronger than he looks!
EXT. NEW YORK CITY - night
We cut to the outside of the ambulance, which begins to swerve. Eventually, the ambulance crashes into another car and we see flashes of red light and we see the Hulk's eyes. Suddenly, with a roar, the monstrous green form of the Hulk bursts out of the back of the ambulance.
THE HULK
RRRRAAAAGGGGHHHHHHHHH!
The Hulk stands there, almost sniffing the air.
THE HULK
HULK WANT FREDDIE PRINZE JUNIOR!
INT. TRISKELION - NIGHT
Troops rush to helicopters as Fury's voice blasts over the intercom, shouting orders.
NICK FURY
Primary team to hanger thirteen, ready for immediate dust-off! Secondary teams to hangar twelve. Tertiary teams to hangars one through eleven.
We see Wasp strapping on her leather wasp suit as Giant Man pulls on his giant leather suit.
WASP
This is all YOUR fault, Hank. Why'd you have o go and say he looked like Steve Buscemi?
GIANT MAN
Will you shut up and get off my back?
We see Iron Man strapping on his armor. His lights go blue as his suit powers up.
IRON MAN
I don't care who said what. All I want to know is if we have some sort of plan for taking out the Hulk.
CAPTAIN AMERICA
The plan couldn't be simpler, Tony...
We see Cap pulling on a pair of gloves. Then, we see the entire team, suited up and ready to go, Cap at their front.
CAPTAIN AMERICA
We just hit him until he drops.
EXT. NEW YORK CITY - NIGHT
We see a squadron of SHIELD helicopters flying over NYC, smoke pouring from a variety of buildings, fires starting everywhere. Giant Man is strapped to the bottom of a large helicopter.
GIANT MAN
Oh, my God. Did Banner really do all this in just ten minutes?
INT. SHIELD CONTROL ROOM - NIGHT
We see Nick Fury standing in the control room in front of a bunch of consoles and personnel.
NICK FURY
Well, according to the sat-pics, he's murdered DOZENS of people, drunk a TRUCK full of beer and now he's stealing a huge pair pants of a fat corpse. You imagine what he's gonna do when he finds Freddie Prinze?
INT. HELICOPTER - NIGHT
Wasp sits on a bench, taking a look at a needle in her hands.
WASP
I still can't believe he tried to justify taking the Hulk serum again by saying that he just wanted to give the team something newsworthy to fight. At least this antidote is kosher enough, down to the admantium-tipped needle.
EXT. NEW YORK CITY - NIGHT
We see Iron Man flying alongside the helicopter, his rocket thrusters blazing in the night.
IRON MAN
All completely useless, of course, unless we get close enough to inject him. Any word from Thor?
NICK FURY
Just an e-mail saying he'd be happy to help if President Bush doubles the international aid budget, Iron Man.
IRON MAN
Great. So we're on our own, right?
We see Captain America hanging on the side of the helicopter, surveying the scene below.
CAPTAIN AMERICA
Four against one is still pretty good odds, Stark. Besides, I haven't lost a fight since nineteen forty-two and I don't plan on losing now.
EXT. NEW YORK CITY - NIGHT
The Hulk runs along the street, leaping huge distances, crushing cars beneath his feet. People run and scream in terror as the Hulk roars.
THE HULK
BETTYYY!!!
The Hulk looks around before leaping onto the side of a building, crushing glass with his massive hands. We see Betty inside, running away, talking on her cell phone.
THE HULK
Get away from Freddie Prinze Jr., Betty! You're supposed to be BANNER'S girlfriend!
BETTY ROSS
Oh, my God! He found us, Nick! That freak found us!
THE HULK
Banner too much of a woman for you, Betty? Maybe it's time you gave Hulk a try, huh?
BETTY ROSS
What do you mean "sit tight"? Can you hear what he's going to do to me? I want Captain America down here now, Nick! I want Tony Stark and every freakin' super-weapon he's got!
THE HULK
Hulk's gonna get you no matter who they send , Betty! Hulk -
Suddenly, a massive pair of red-leathered gloves crashes down on top of Hulk, silencing him. We pull back to see Giant Man standing in the middle of the street, his arms pushed against the building, many pedestrians looking on in awe.
GIANT MAN
Just shut up, Banner. You're giving science a bad name.
On the ground, various amounts of policemen give orders for civilians to evacuate while Nick shouts on the radio.
NICK FURY
Base to ground team, Captain America wants everything from Battery Park to Harlem!
Meanwhile, Giant Man continues to hold Hulk against the building.
GIANT MAN
Okay, take a deep breath, Bruce. I'm going to count ten and take my hands away and I want to see you all relaxed. Is that clear enough for you, little man?
Suddenly, Hank's fingers are torn away and The Hulk leaps off the building onto Giant Man's face, pushing him to the ground. We cut to Janet on the ground.
WASP
HANK!!
Giant Man falls to the ground, crushing buildings beneath him as Hulk pounds his face. Pedestrians flee in panic as Giant Man hits the ground. Hard.
THE HULK
You always make Banner look like an idiot in front of Betty, Pym!
Hulk leaps to Giant Man's head and sticks his hands into Giant Man's mouth and begins to pull.
THE HULK
That's why Hulk's gonna tear off your head an' use your skull like a toilet bowl!
We hear Wasp's voice shouting on the radio.
WASP
Oh, my God! He's going to kill Hank! Somebody back him up!
Suddenly, a blaze of blue fire is seen and suddenly Hulk is gone, propelled into the air by Iron Man. Iron Man holds Hulk steady as he blasts through the sky, roaring into his helmet.
IRON MAN
Take it easy, Jan. I've got him, Nick. I need a big, empty building to slam Banner into. What've we got?
NICK FURY
Evacuation crews are clearing everything within a three mile radius, Tony. Gimme ten seconds.
IRON MAN
Ten more seconds and this lunatic will have peeled his way to my G-String, General! I need something NOW!
NICK FURY
Grand Central has just been evacuated! You're good to go! I repeat -- YOU'RE GOOD TO GO!
IRON MAN
Thank you.
Iron Man slams Hulk through the ceiling of Grand Central and the two of them hit the floor hard. We cut back to where Giant Man lies.
WASP
Okay, Iron Man just bought us five minutes to downsize my husband and tend to his injuries, gentlemen. Fire Team Twelve, I want those vehicles cleared on the left hand side. Science Team One, he's going to need two hundred mils of that shrinking hormone.
INT. GRAND CENTRAL - NIGHT
Iron Man continues to retreat as he fires lasers at Hulk, who charges like a bull.
NICK FURY
Tony, it's Nick. We're minus visual for thirty seconds. Give me a sit rep, man. You okay in there?
IRON MAN
Are you kidding? First the silo doors jam and now the sights in this thing are knocked six inches to the left...
THE HULK
Shut up, Dog-breath!
The Hulk pounds Iron Man with a huge fist and tears of his helmet.
THE HULK
Little man smells like canned meat! Hulk wanna know if he tastes like it too! HULK HUNGRY LITTLE MAN!
IRON MAN
Eat this, moron!
We pan back a little in time to see a fluttering wave emit from Iron Man's armor, sending Hulk away in a daze.
IRON MAN
Nick, this is a nightmare! I'm on twenty-five percent power and those though scramblers are going to only keep him busy for a couple of seconds. I'm gonna empty my reserves but then I need to charge up.
NICK FURY
Back-up is ready and waiting, Tony. Just hit him with whatever you've got.
Suddenly, we see Hulk fly out of the ceiling of Grand Central, Iron Man using his power cells to slam him out.
NICK FURY
Wasp, you're next. Go distract him.
WASP
Roger that, General.
Hulk lands on a bus, causing an explosion. Wasp flits over and hits Hulk with a flash of green energy. Hulk turns in anger and tries to grab Wasp but Wasp flitters away. Hulk quickly gives chase.
WASP
Nick! Tell me Cap's ready to help out because I don't think this guy's going down with my stupid, little wasp sting!
NICK FURY
Cap's ready to relive you, Jan. FALL BACK!
Suddenly, Hulk looks up. Then as rain falls, something much larger falls as well, causing a huge explosion that sends cars flying. When the smoke clears, we see that a tank is now lying on top of Hulk.
CAPTAIN AMERICA
Shock absorbers are working well, General. Those boys in tech division did a bang-up job.
NICK FURY
Just watch you back, Cap. Heat tracers are still picking up movement under you.
CAPTAIN AMERICA
Relax, soldier. Everything's going according to plan.
We see the inside of the tank as Cap sits at the controls. Behind him, a metal plating is ripped out Hulk leaps out. Cap quickly leaps out of the tank as Hulk rips it apart with his fists. Hulk leaps after Cap but Cap kicks him in the jaw, flipping himself to his feet. Quickly, Hulk faces off with Cap. Cap punches him in the face, blood squirting out of Hulk's nose.
Cap then kicks Hulk in the groin, stunning him before Cap thrusts his shield up Hulk's jaw. Hulk staggers and Cap drops him with a leg sweep. Hulk lies on the ground dazed.
NICK FURY
You just take down the Hulk?
CAPTAIN AMERICA
Banner's not the only with Super-Soldier serum pumping through his heart, chum. Now get me a med team pronto because this guy isn't gonna be in the best shape after I stick this needle in his neck.
Cap takes the needle with the antidote in it out of a pack and directs it at Hulk's neck.
THE HULK
NO!
Suddenly, a massive green hand reaches up and grabs Cap's wrist, the other hand snapping the needle in two.
THE HULK
GET THAT THING AWAY FROM ME!
WASP
OH MY GOD! He broke the needle? What are we supposed to do now?
NICK FURY
We do exactly what Cap strategized. Ready the nuke for the back-up plan.
Meanwhile, Hulk pins Cap to the ground, pounding his face with his massive fists. Cap tries to fight back but Hulk completely overpowers him, tossing him around like a rag doll.
THE HULK
HULK THOUGHT YOU WERE DIFFERENT, BUT YOU'RE JUST AS BAD AS THE REST OF THEM, ROGERS! HULK GONNA SMASH OPEN YOUR HEAD AND SUCK OUT THE YOLK, YOU UGLY PIECE OF CRAP!
Hulk roars as thunder rumbles in the distance.
NICK FURY
Fury to all-points! Fury to all-points! Defend Captain America!
Another rumble of thunder is heard and suddenly, a flash of lightning is seen. Then, a bolt of lightning hits Hulk, sending him flying. We see Fury looking at a screen in disbelief.
NICK FURY
What in God's name?
Hulk staggers to his feet as rain pours down in buckets. Then, a giant axe-like hammer hits him in the head, sending him to the ground as Thor crashes into Hulk from the sky. We see an assistant hand Nick a message.
ASSISTANT
Message here from the white house, General. President Bush just doubled our international aid budget.
NICK FURY
And to think that I voted for Ralph Nader...
We see Thor continue to pound Hulk with his hammer, Mjolnir. Lightning blazes in streaks with every hit of the hammer. The ground shakes and rumbles with each hit and cars fly from the impact of each blow. Finally, Thor steps back.
THOR
Your jaw is broken, your ribs are cracked and one of your lungs has just been punctured, Banner. Have you tasted enough of Mjolnir yet?
Hulk lies on the concrete ground, his head embedded in the ground. However, Hulk manages to pull himself to his feet, grinning.
THE HULK
Nah, Thor's hammer just make Hulk horny for Betty again, Hippy!
Suddenly, we see Thor fly into a building, breaking a glass panel. Thor goes through the building and hits the ground on the other side. Hard. We cut to see Betty and Freddie rushing onto a helicopter. We cut to Captain America pulling himself to his feet, Hulk leaping after him.
NICK FURY
Cap, this is Nick! Ross and Prinze are in the air, buddy. Just like you requested. Over!
CAPTAIN AMERICA
Roger that, General.
Suddenly, Hulk grabs Cap by the head and slams him into a concrete building, Cap's blood pouring onto his hand.
THE HULK
WHAT DID HE SAY? WHERE'S BETTY? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH BANNER'S GIRLFRIEND?
CAPTAIN AMERICA
She's in the air, meatball.
Hulk looks in the air and sees a squadron of helicopters flying overhead.
THE HULK
Betty?
Hulk tosses Cap aside and leaps onto the side of a building, climbing upwards, a desperate look on his face.
THE HULK
GET BACK HERE, BETTY! DON'T LEAVE BANNER ALONE AGAIN!
Hulk leaps into the air, high enough to look inside Betty's helicopter.
THE HULK
FREDDIE PRINZE CAN'T LOVE YOU LIKE BANNER DOES, BETTY! BETTY'S ALL BANNER HAS!
We see Cap pulling himself to his feet as Iron Man and Thor rush over to help him.
IRON MAN
What do you think you're doing?
CAPTAIN AMERICA
What does it look like? We're luring Banner out to see in case we're forced to opt for a tactical nuclear assault.
THOR
You're using those people as bait?
CAPTAIN AMERICA
Only if the other three plans I have on standby fail? Wasp, are you inside Hulk's head yet, sweetheart?
INT. HULK'S EAR - NIGHT
We see Wasp climbing through Hulk's ear area.
WASP
En route to his frontal lobes, Cap. The one part of Banner's body that's as soft and human as we are.
NICK FURY
You mind filling us in on what's going on here? This some kind of lobotomy you're cooking up or what?
WASP
No, just a little wasp sting to the portion of his head that makes him big, bad and angry, General. Wish me luck.
She pulls herself through some fluid and reaches out with her hand. Suddenly, Hulk screams out in pain while in the middle of the sky.
THE HULK
AARRGGHH!
BETTY ROSS
Bruce! Oh, my God! BRUCE!!
Bruce falls out of the sky, gathering speed as he falls. He hits a warehouse that explodes with the impact of the fall. When the smoke clears, Captain America and Wasp stand nearby. In the center of a monstrous pile of debris is Bruce Banner.
BRUCE BANNER
Don't hurt me please. I was just trying to help. I was trying to come up with a monster that you could all fight. Please don't kick me or something, Cap.
CAPTAIN AMERICA
Don't be ridiculous. I'm just here to make sure those cuts and bruises of yours get the proper medical attention, pal. C'mere, let me take a closer look at that gash on your cheek.
BRUCE BANNER
But I haven't got a gash on my cheek.
Suddenly, Cap lunge out and kicks Banner across his cheek, creating a huge gash and knocking him out.
CAPTAIN AMERICA
You do now, son. General, dig out a size thirty-four straitjacket. We're bringing him in.
INT. TRISKELION - DAY
We see a huge number of people lying on stretchers and a large amount of medical personnel attending to them. Meanwhile, Betty and Nick walk towards an elevator and enter. Nick swipes his card and they ascend, staring at the door.
BETTY ROSS
You know, I feel kind of responsible for this, General.
NICK FURY
You didn't push over any buildings, Betty.
BETTY ROSS
No, but the way I've been treating Bruce - treating him like dirt, flirting with Freddie Prinze. I feel like I pushed him over the edge.
They leave the elevator and stare through a large glass panel. Lying inside the glass is Banner, hooked up to a variety of equipment.
BETTY ROSS
And now I see him doped up to the eyeballs and trying to recover from all those broken bones he suffered as the Hulk... It's really kind of flattering that he did those for me, isn't it?
NICK FURY
My only question is how you Public Relations people are gonna spin this debacle into something that doesn't make the Ultimates look like a gaggle of retards, honey.
BETTY ROSS
Oh, that's easy. We just have to hush up the Banner connection and the Ultimates go down in history as the heroes who saved Manhattan.
We cut to see crowds of people cheering on The Ultimates as they stand on the wreckage of a bunch of buildings. They each answer interview questions accordingly. Many kids cheer around them.
CAPTAIN AMERICA
How am I feeling? Well, my ribs are cracked, my nose is broken and my arm seems to be dislocated but I'll be ready again in a couple of days.
IRON MAN
Was I scared fighting the Hulk? I was shaking like a leaf.
THOR
No, helping the Ultimates does not mean I'm suddenly one of Bush's little Super-Commandos, Mister Stern.
WASP
Oh, don't worry about Giant Man, Oprah. I'm delighted to say that he's going to be just fine. It might be a few weeks before he recovers from a couple of those broken bones but I think his ego took more of a beating than anything else.
CAPTAIN AMERICA
Do things like this make me want to quit? Of course not, we're the Ultimates. We're super-heroes. This is what we do.
THE END
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