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Post by Dale on Feb 6, 2009 12:40:06 GMT -5
Electric Boogaloo
written by indy42
Starring
Seth Rogen as Indy
Jack Nicholson as Mr. Vincent
Ricky Gervais as Blaggers
Nestor Carbonell as Legend
Milla Jovovich as Hanelle
Keanue Reeves as Zeus
James Roday as Hellblazer
Also Starring
Blacksuit
Bucksfan
Cristo
Daz
T-Mac
Matt
Barrett
Natalie
FADE IN:
A montage of:
a) A suitcase is loaded down a ramp from a plane, and into a loading bay.
INDY42 PRESENTS
b) the bag is carried along the track, the THIS WAY UP arrow pointed down.
c) The bag plummets downwards, onto another track, which leads directly to...
d) Another loading bacy. The bay says on a sign: TO SAN FRANCISCO.
We close up on the box. It says "DELIVER TO T. BLAGDEN."
ELECTRIC BOOGALOO.
by Indy42
CUT TO: Suburban Apartment in San Francisco.
BLAGGERS sleeps on his bed, snoring loudly.
Someone POUNDS on the door.
VOICE (OS)
Mr. Blagden! Mr. Blagden!
Blaggers rises his head.
INT. Apartment Hallway:
RAJ stands there, holding up a package. The THIS WAY UP is now pointed sideways.
RAJ
Mr. Blagden! You have a package!
Blaggers puts his head back into the pillow, and SMACKS the alarm clock above his head HARD.
RAJ
Mr. Blagden!
SMACK.
RAJ
You have a package!
SMACK.
Blaggers lifts his head again.
BLAGGERS
Great.
INT. APARTMENT HALLWAY.
Raj is about to hit the door again when it opens, revealing Blaggers looking tired and grumbly.
BLAGGERS
What.
Raj holds up the package.
RAJ
Package for you. The mailman said it's straight from Belgium. Big thingy.
BLAGGERS
Gee, thanks.
Blaggers takes the package and closes the door.
INT. APARTMENT.
He drops the package, the THIS WAY UP arrow now somehow facing diagonally.
He flops back on the bed and falls asleep.
TITLE: TWO HOURS LATER.
It's more sunny, but Blaggers has not moved once.
Suddenly, his head pops up, and he wipes the drool off of his cheek.
BLAGGERS
Uhhh..
He walks over to the package, and kneels down.
BLAGGERS
Lesee.....
He opens the package, revealing a STUNNING DIAMOND in bubble wrap.
He picks it up, holds it in his hands, and stares at it.
BLAGGERS
Faake.
He tosses it over his shoulder and into the trash can.
Pulling the bubble wrap out of the box, he starts to pop it.
BLAGGERS
Tee hee.
CUT TO: We see far-off view of Blaggers through Binoculars.
SCF (OS)
It can't be!
We see a small apartment, directly across from Blaggers's. Cristo sits next to SCF.
CRISTO
What is it?
SCF
The big Boogaloo! The most valuable diamond in the world!!!
SCF puts down the binoculars.
SCF
It was sold, last weekend, to jewel collector Hanelle Blagden.
CRISTO
Hanelle Blagden?
SCF
Married name. Anyways, maybe our man got the wrong package! Imagine! We should report this to Mr. Vincent.
CRISTO
No....
Cristo stands up.
CRISTO
This could be our big break! Blaggers thinks it's worthless, we should just steal it. No harm, and we get filthy rich.
SCF
That is stealing.
CRISTO
No sh*t.
SCF
We are CIA. We have dignity!!! I'm telling Mr. Vincent.
Cristo pulls a gun.
CRISTO
You know I've always hated working with you.
SCF
Likewise, douche.
SCF pulls a gun.
CRISTO
I will get the diamond.
SCF
Over my dead body.
CRISTO
So be it.
Suddenly, the door to the apartment opens.
ROCKSTAR
Hey, guys, I just took the BIGGEST crap of my life-
SCF and Cristo turn and SHOOT Rockstar, who collapses, dead.
SCF
Look what you did!
Cristo turns back to SCF, who is still pointing his gun at Rockstar. Cristo shoots, and SCF collapses backwards towards the window.
CRISTO
Die, SCF! DIE!
SCF
Noooo....
Cristo kicks SCF and shoots him again. SCF falls, smashing through the window and into the air.
CUT TO: STREET- DAY.
JOEY and CASA walk.
CASA
I think this street is trying to be something it's not.
JOEY
You have to look for the hidden meaning...
SMACK. SCF lands on the ground, blood splatters around.
JOEY
.
CASA
What is that?
JOEY
I dunno, Casa.
Joey looks around.
JOEY
Should we call the police?
SCF (weakly)
The big... the big...
Joey leans down. Casa stands up and begins dialing on his cell.
JOEY
What?
SCF
The big boogaloo... Blaggers has the big boogaloo...
JOEY
Just calm down. Help is on the way.
SCF
Who.. who are you?
JOEY
Joey JoJo Junoir Shabadoo.
SCF
That's the stupidest name I've ever heard in my life.
In one swift motion, Joey punches SCF, who slumps over dead.
JOEY
It's okay, Casa, he's dead, no use in calling the police.
CASA
Ahh... That sucks.
Casa sticks the phone back into his pocket.
CASA
A poor soul lost his life today.
JOEY
How do you know he was a "poor soul".
CASA
Hey, if I want to act like an evangelical, just let me, k?
JOEY
Next you'll be talking about a guy who discovers Jesus by making a nativity set. Sheesh!
Behind them, Xplay walks across the street.
CASA
Did he say anything?
JOEY
He did say that someone named Blaggers had the Big Boogaloo.
CASA
Who is Blaggers?
Xplay looks over.
JOEY
Dunno.
The pair walk off screen. Xplay begins to run off, trips and lands on his face.
CUT TO: PARTY.
A big party's happening. Xplay walks through it.
At a bar, INDY and ZEUS sit drinking beer.
INDY
The Usual Suspects 2. I'd like to see that.
ZEUS
The treasure of Dusty Gulch.
INDY
Perfect.
CUT TO: Room.
The room is dark, lightened by a single lightbulb. Sitting on one side is Blacksuit, surrounded by two bodyguards. Xplay sits down.
XPLAY
Sir.
BLACKSUIT
Yes, TaylorTot?
Xplay winces.
XPLAY
I have recieved.... intelligence... that one Blaggers has the missing jewel "The Big Boogaloo".
BLACKSUIT
...And?
XPLAY
Well, perhaps someone stong could steal it and split the profits with you, 70-30.
CUT TO: Outisde the Wall, we see INDY with his ear pressed against the wall.
INDY (suprised)
Boogaloo!
He runs off.
CUT TO: INT. ROOM.
XPLAY
One of your guys. Stong, muscular... Experienced.... Sexy, rugged. A good tan...
BLACKSUIT
I get it, I get it. Ill give you.. Flora.
XPLAY
Did you hear anything I just said?
CUT TO: Alleyway- Night.
Flora stands next to Xplay.
FLORA
This is so exciting!!! We'll be just like George Clooney and Brad Pitt in Oceans 12!
XPLAY
...No.
FLORA
No. Okay. I get it.
Silence. Flora begins to bounce.
FLORA
Eee--- I'm so excited!
CUT TO: Rooftop.
Cristo pulls a mask over his head, decked out in black burgular gear. He clicks a rope to his belt, and prepares to rappell. He turns back.
CRISTO
Ready?
Batman holds the rope.
BATMAN
Of course I'm ready! I'm Batman! By the way, how did Sam manage to shoot himself and throw himself through a window?
Cristo ignores him and begins to rappell.
CUT TO: Apartment building Lobby.
Matt stands behind the counter.
Casa and Joey walk up.
CASA
Where does Blaggers live?
MATT
Room 424.
Suddenly, Daz jumps onto the counter, pullng a knife, and tackling Matt.
Casa looks over at Joey and they quietly walk off.
CUT TO: INDY and ZEUS stand outside Blagger's room. Indy holds a small gun.
INDY
3...2...1...
They enter the room!
INT. ROOM- CONTINOUS.
Cristo smashes through the window, landing on the floor and unclipping himself. He immedietly sees Indy and Zeus, pulls a gun, and begins shooting at them. Indy and Zeus dive behind a couch.
ZEUS
Crap!
INT. BEDROOM.
Blaggers sleeps peacefully.
INT. ROOM.
ZEUS
Shoot back!
INDY
I can't! It's a f*cking airsoft gun!
Indy shows Zeus the orange tip.
Casa and Joey enter the room, knives in hand.
JOEY
Give us the jewel!!!
Cristo shoots at them. They both run into the kitchen.
CASA
WHO IS THIS BLAGGERS?!?!?
Cristo stops shooting, looks around, and is TACKLED BY XPLAY!
XPLAY
Give us the diamond!!!
Cristo shoots wildly, hitting Flora, who is standing behind them.
FLORA
Ouch, that hurts!
Flora collapses against the wall.
XPLAY
Give... us.. the diamond...
CRISTO
I'm not Blaggers! I'm-
They stop talking as they hear-
FLORA (singing)
Staying... alive.. staying alive... You can tell... my the way I use my words. I'm a womans man.. no time to (groan) talk...
JOEY
Shut the F*ck up!!
CASA
.5/4!!!
FLORA
YOU ARE KILLING ME!
Flora dies.
XPLAY
Hold it.
CRISTO
No, you hold it.
ZEUS
Hey! I got the diamond!!!
Zeus and Indy run out of the room.
BLAGGERS (OS)
What the f*ck is going on here?t
We turn and see Blaggers, wearing a bathrobe and looking extremely pissed.
BLAGGERS
Who the f*ck are you?
CRISTO
CIA. Sir, those two men have just stolen your property.
BLAGGERS
What, that fake ruby?
XPLAY
It's not fake. It's the Big Boogaloo.
BLAGGERS
Who are you?
XPLAY
I'm Xplay.
CASA
I'm Casa.
JOEY
I'm Joey Jo Jo Junior Shabadoo.
BLAGGERS
That's the stupidest name I've ever heard.
JOEY
F*ck this, lets get Indy!
CUT TO: Indy and Zeus run out past Daz, who is banging Matt's head against the counter.
EXT. BUILDING.
ZEUS
Hey, we got it! Woot!
BATMAN (OS)
Stop right there.
We turn to see Batman, holding his hands in a fighting position in front of him.
INDY
Um, why?
BATMAN
Because I'm Batman!
ZEUS
No you are not!
CRISTO
Hand over the diamond!
We turn and see Cristo, Xplay, Joey and Casa. They are surrounded.
BLAGGERS
Give me it back.
He steps forwards.
Zeus looks into Cristo's gun, which is pointed at him, and sighs. He hands the diamond to Blaggers.
ZEUS
Fine.
He hands the jewel to Blaggers. Suddenly, Blaggers takes off running down the street.
CRISTO
Stupid f*cks!
XPLAY
Get him!
Indy and Zeus jump into their car and begin to back out, only running over Batman, who falls onto the hood. The car alarm starts to go off.
BATMAN
Augh! What the f*ck!
Cristo shakes his head.
Joey takes off running after Blaggers. He catches up to him, grabs his bathrobe-
JOEY
STOP!
The bathrobe falls off, and Blaggers continues running completely naked.
JOEY
Well, I'm done. Anyone else want to take over?
CASA
Don't worry. It's 3 in the morning. How hard will it be to find a naked guy with a giant jewel?
CUT TO: AIRPORT- DAY.
HANELLE and PELE walk out of the Airport and into a waiting Limo.
HANELLE (on phone)
Yes, I just arrived. I don't know, it was mistakenly delivered to some aparment in the city. I'll check. Bye.
She hangs up and puts her phone in her pocket.
HANELLE
Thomas doesn't know you are here.
PELE
Perfect.
HANELLE
You can still hook me up with some drugs, right?
PELE
Anywhere in the world except Venezuela and Papua New Guinea. Those places are off-limits even for me.
HANELLE
Good to know.
The car drives off.
CUT TO: Office- DAY.
Mr. Vincent sits at his desk. The phone rings.
MR. VINCENT
Hello?... Well, Hello... You, uh.. wearing that nice little black number?
BEEP BEEP.
MR. VINCENT
Oh, hold on.
He picks up the other phone.
MR. VINCENT
Hello? The big boogaloo? WHERE?
He puts the phone down and runs out the door into the lobby.
SECRETARY
Sir, there's still a... Victoria on line 2?
Vince turns back dramatically.
VINCE
Tell her I didn't get my 10 minutes yet.
Mr. Vincent runs out.
CUT TO: Clothing Store.
Blaggers runs in to the counter, one hand behind his back holding the jewel and the other hand covering his privates.
LEGEND is at the counter.
LEGEND
Sorry, the meetings are on tuesdays ONLY.
BLAGGERS
No, I'm just here to buy clothes.
LEGEND
Oh. Too bad.
Blaggers runs over to the shelves.
CUT TO: Parking Lot.
As the sun begins to rise, Cristo holds Xplay, Indy, and Zeus at gunpoint.
CRISTO
Batman, make sure they don't get away.
BATMAN
Are you kidding? I'm Batman!
Cristo turns back and pulls out his phone. As he does, we see Indy and Xplay pull Batman back by the neck. Zeus smacks Batman in the head and Batman slumps over, unconcious.
CRISTO
Yeah, I have them now.
CUT TO: LIMO.
Hanelle and Pele look out of the limo.
HANELLE
Here it is, the apartment.
PELE
I wanna smoke.
HANELLE
Yeah, sure.
They step into a side alley as Pele brings out a bag of weed.
CUT TO: Parking Lot.
Cristo turns back and sees Xplay, Indy, and Zeus making a run for it!!!
CRISTO
Sh*t!!!
The three run into an alley, past Hanelle and Pele.
PELE
Wow... you see them?
HANELLE
Yeah.
PELE
Like, really see them?
CUT TO: Parking lot.
Batman wakes up and shakes his head.
BATMAN (grumbling)
I'm batman. I'm batman. I'm batman.
He stands up and runs after them.
He runs after Hanelle and Pele.
BATMAN
Whoa, Jester! Ur a pimp!
PELE
Do I know you...?
BATMAN
Yeah! Stamford High?
PELE
You went to... I didn't go there.
BATMAN
No? Must be thinking of someone else. Crap.
He runs on.
Hanelle watches.
HANELLE
What a strange little man.
CUT TO: Clothing shop.
Blaggers is dressed now, and holds up IOU, a scrap of paper scribbled "IOU 35 dollars, signed, Blaggers".
BLAGGERS
This is an IOU.
LEGEND
What does it mean?
BLAGGERS
I... owe... you.
LEGEND
Oh right. I don't think that's legal tender at this shop.
Legend looks at a card that says "MASTERCARD, AMERICAN EXPRESS, VISA."
LEGEND.
Nope.
BLAGGERS
Well how else do I repay?
Legend smiles sinisterly.
BLAGGERS
...What.
Legend holds up the jewel.
BLAGGERS
How did you get that!?!?!
LEGEND
Never mind. HaHa!
Legend jumps over the counter and runs out of the shop, punching Blaggers on his way out.
Blaggers holds up his hand to his nose, seeing blood.
BLAGGERS (holding his nose)
You f*cker! You hit me!
Blaggers runs after Legend.
BLAGGERS
Hey f*cker!!!!
LEGEND
Ur the f*cker!
Legend turns around to face Blaggers, holding the jewel up.
LEGEND
SUCKER!!! HAHAH!
Legend is run over by a car.
Hellblazer and Bucksfan get out of the car as Legend squirms underneath.
LEGEND
Ouch, man.
He drops the diamond. Blaggers runs to go pick it up.
HELLBLAZER
Hey, is that...
BUCKSFAN
The big boogaloo!
Blaggers scoops it up and runs off.
HELLBLAZER
That things worth like 50 mill!
BUCKSFAN
More, I think. Let's catch that dude!
HELLBLAZER
Wait.
He holds Bucksfan by the shoulder and brings him over to the side of the dock.
HELLBLAZER
No matter what, we stick together. We'll get the diamond.
BUCKSFAN
Right. We stick together. Oh, and it's a ruby, not a dia-
Hellblazer pushes Buckfan over the railing and into the water.
BUCKFAN (suprised)
f*ck?!
Hellblazer runs over to the car, gets in, and starts driving.
HELLBLAZER
f*cking f*cker.
CUT TO: Taxicab.
Mr. Vincent sits, head against the window.
His phone rings.
MR VINCE
What??? You lost them? This is not acceptable, Cristo!
Suddenly, Mr. Vincent sees Blaggers running along the street, with the diamond in hand.
MR VINCE
I see it! He's on Sun Street! Meet me there!
Vince hangs up and leans to the driver.
MR VINCE
Follow that wanker!
CUT TO: Another Parking Lot.
Xplay, Indy, and Zeus run into the parking lot.
ZEUS
Lets steal a car.
XPLAY
How about not.
Xplay runs to find a taxi. Zeus and Indy run over to a corvette and open the door.
INDY
It's unlocked? What luck.
HANELLE (OS)
Hey, can we get a lift?
Hanelle and Pele stand behind them.
INDY
Yeah sure.
Hanelle and Pele jump into the backseat as Indy drives.
CUT TO: SUN STREET.
Blaggers stops running as he sees CRISTO in a car driving right for him. He turns and sees CASA and JOEY in a Prius, gunning right for him.
He turns and sees Hellblazer running towards him.
BLAGGERS
SH*T!
Blaggers runs sideways, across the street and gets in an unattended golf cart. He sits and begins driving away from Cristo.
He looks backwards and sees Cristo blocked by traffic.
BLAGGERS
Hehe.
He turns and sees Hellblazer running right for him!
BLAGGERS
Augh!
The cars collide. Blaggers is thrown forward onto the hood of Hellblazer's truck, over and into the back of the truck. Blaggers sits up, gasping and sees the Diamond is still in hand.
BLAGGERS
Sh*t!!!
INT. TRUCK.
Hellblazer looks behind him and sees Blaggers in the back of his truck.
HELLBLAZER
Haha, f*cker!
CUT TO: Sidestreet.
Xplay runs into the sidestreet and towards a taxi.
XPLAY
Hey, how much do you charge?
DRIVER
Per mile?
XPLAY
Per 10 page car chase.
DRIVER
Maybe 60 bucks.
Xplay knees the Driver in the balls, dumps him onto the sidewalk, and jumps into the driver's seat.
XPLAY
Not in this economic climate!
He speeds off.
CUT TO: MAIN STREET.
Hellblazer goes over a speed bump insanely fast, and Blaggers is thrown around in the back.
HELLBLAZER
Hahah!
As he turns a corner, he sees Indy and Zeus in their car pull up next to him.
HELLBLAZER
Wankers!
He slides and crashes into Indy's car, which skids onto the sidewalk for a second, hitting a hobo, BigX. Hellblazer stops his car at the light.
BIGX
What's your problem, bitches?
PELE (in back seat)
What a wanker.
We pan down the street to see BUCKSFAN, soaking wet, running after Hellblazer's car. Somehow he has managed to get a hold of an Uzi.
BUCKSFAN
Hey! f*cker!
HELLBLAZER
sh*t!
He looks up at the light, then back at Buckfan.
HELLBLAZER
sh*t sh*t!
Blaggers, in the back, ducks as Buckfan sprays bullets at the car.
HELLBLAZER
sh*t sh*t sh*t!
Blaggers looks up at Hellblazer.
BLAGGERS
f*cking GO!
Hellblazer slams on the gas.
HELLBLAZER
Pedal to the medal, bitches!
He drives out... right into oncoming traffic.
He's T-boned by Cristo's car.
HELLBLAZER
Oh sh*t!
Hellblazer gets out of the car and begins running at Blaggers.
BLAGGERS
Oh, no!
Blaggers jumps out of the truck's back. Cristo leans out of his car, and begins shooting at Blaggers with his pistol.
BLAGGERS
sh*t!
Meanwhile, Bucksfan is across the street, hitting the "WALK" button vexingly, uzi in hand.
Blaggers jumps into the front seat, followed by Hellblazer.
Cristo shoots Hellblazer in the foot.
HELLBLAZER
Son of a bitch!
Hellblazer drops onto the street as Blaggers climbs through the car and out the other side.
Bucksfan, walking calmly across the crosswalk, fires at Blaggers who is running down the sidewalk.
Cristo gets out of his car and sprays bullets at Blaggers.
CUT TO: Street.
Casa and Joey drive peacefully.
CASA
We'll find them eventually.
JOEY
Actually, I'm kinda digging the quiet.
CUT TO: Other side of Street.
Indy and Zeus's car skids down the street after the others.
INT. BACK SEAT.
PELE
There's a chance I might not make it, Hanelle.
HANELLE
What the f*ck are you on about?
PELE
I just want you to know... whatever happens.... I always... had a stash of weed in my jacket pocket.
HANELLE
Good to know.
CUT TO: STREET.
Indy turns a corner hastily, smashing into Xplay's taxi accidentally.
ZEUS (laughing)
Oh, shiit!
INDY (to Xplay)
Ok, billyboy, let's go again! Ha Ha!
INT. CAB
XPLAY
f*ck it! f*ck it!
He smashes back at Indy's car.
INT. BACK SEAT- INDY's CAR.
PELE
Oh, and also, I think I like you.
HANELLE
For f*ck's sake.
They embrace, kissing passionately.
Indy looks behind him, and sees this.
INDY
Zeus, this is not for your eyes to see.
ZEUS
f*ck you.
They both adjust the Rear View mirror to get a better view.
CUT TO: OTHER STREET.
Blaggers runs along, diamond in hand.
Suddenly, a taxi pulls up.
Mr. VINCE jumps out, grabs Blaggers, and throws him into the taxi.
MR. VINCE
In you go, f*cker.
Mr. Vince jumps in.
INT. TAXI.
Vince grabs the diamond, and punches Blaggers in the face.
BLAGGERS
My nose!
VINCE
My c*ck.
Blagger's eye's widen.
VINCE
Never mind.
Vince sits back into the seat.
VINCE
Driver, just drive to the nearest place with 1,000+ people in a crowded area. I need to disappear.
DRIVER
Magic City, then.
ESTABLISHING SHOT- MAGIC CITY.
An amusement park, much like DisneyLand.
Vince's Taxi drives right into the parking lot.
He gets out, holding Blaggers, bleeding from the nose, at gunpoint.
VINCE
Did we lose them?
ESTABLISHING SHOT: PARKING LOT OF MAGIC CITY.
Hellblazer's truck, Cristo's car, Xplay's taxi, Casa and Joey's Prius, and Indy's car all drive into the parking lot FAST.
VINCE
No, f*ck, there they are.
He dumps Blaggers onto the ground and runs off with the diamond.
Hellblazer, Cristo, Indy, Zeus, Casa, and Joey and Xplay all get out of their cars.
Hellblazer, Cristo, Casa, Joey and Indy catch up to Blaggers and begin running after him.
VINCE
You're all banned.
We pan back to Indy's car, where we see Zeus and Xplay, watching hypnotically into the backseat. Xplay moves to cover Zeus's eyes.
CUT TO: INT. AMUSEMENT PARK.
We see LEGEND handing out popcorn to a 3-year-old.
LEGEND
So then, the bitch he was, takes the diamond, and I can't chase after him since I got my second job to go to. Now I can't do my regular job, I just have to hand out popcorn. See, my apartment is really small, and since my girlfriend left me with a text I can't really afford all the rent. It's a sad world.
3-YEAR-OLD's MUM
Yes, let's get away from the creepy man now, okay?
LEGEND
It's your fault for bringing him up in a f*cked up world!
3-YEAR-OLD's MUM (OS)
f*ck you!
Suddenly, Mr. Vincent runs past, followed by Cristo, Hellblazer, Blaggers, and Indy.
LEGEND
f*ck me...
Legend runs after them, still wearing his MAGIC CITY beanie.
Mr. Vincent runs into a line for a ride, titled "ELECTRIC BOOGIE".
He cuts all the people in line.
7-YEAR-OLD
f*cker!
MR. VINCENT
Greedy Bitch!
The 7-Year-Old smashes a glass coke bottle onto Mr. Vincent's head.
VINCE
Ouch! Jesus!
He drops the diamond. Hellblazer jumps up, onto the railing, and catapults himself onto Mr. Vincent, grabbing the diamond.
HELLBLAZER
YES!
BUCKSFAN (OS)
f*ck YOU, YOU f*cking f*ckER!
There is gunfire, and everybody screams and ducks.
Buckfan is below the loading platform for the ride, spraying bullets at Hellblazer.
Hellblazer jumps onto the loading bay, over the dividers, and onto a car for the ride, empty.
OPERATOR
Sir, could you please?
Hellblazer pulls a knife out of his pocket.
HELLBLAZER
Start the ride!
Blaggers, Indy, Legend, Vincent, Casa, Joey, and Cristo all jump over the divider and onto the car. As it starts moving, Blaggers falls back into another car as Vincent takes a swing at Indy.
CUT TO: INDY's CAR- PARKING LOT.
Zeus and Xplay stand watching, and so do T-MAC and BARRET, who try to silently operate their camcorders.
CUT TO: ROLLERCOASTER- IN MOVEMENT.
Blaggers struggles to right himself, as Vincent shoves Indy into another seat. All of them, none of they strapped in, try to make their way towards Hellblazer, who stands.
HELLBLAZER
You can't get me! BITCHES!
Vince punches Hellblazer, who falls over backwards. The diamond flies out of his hands and into an empty car 20 feet in front of him.
VINCE
sh*t!
BLAGGERS
This is f*cking bullsh*t!!!
Cristo jumps onto Vince's car, kicking him in the gut. Vince headbuts Cristo and a piece of sharp glass from Vince's head is embedded in Cristo's cheek.
CRISTO
Aw, sh*t!
Vince punches Cristo in the face. Cristo grabs Vince's arm and elbows him in the nose.
LEGEND
Hey! Stop fighting!
Cristo and Vince turn around. Legend kicks Cristo hard in the stomach, and Cristo flies off the roller coaster.
CRISTO (As he falls)
UNNNNNNFAAAAAIRRRRRR!!!!!
EXT. BATHROOM OF MAGIC CITY.
Cristo lands in a dumpster.
CUT TO: Roller Coaster.
LEGEND
Hey, I got him!
Vince lunges for Legend, and the two end up on top of each other, in a car.
INDY
If you two ladies are done kissing...
Legend and Vincent look up.
INDY
May I?
He motions to step over.
VINCE
NO.
Vince pulls out his gun and shoots Indy in the shoulder.
INDY
f*ck!
Legend takes this opportunity to shove Mr. Vincent off the ride.
He goes flying, bullets going every which way as he falls.
CUT TO: "GUESS YOUR WEIGHT" Booth.
STAFF
Come on over and win one of these fabulous prizes if I can guess your birthday withing 3 months earlier and 2 months forwards!
Vince smashes into the booth, on top of the staff member, crushing him.
CUT TO: Roller Coaster.
Hellblazer gets up and reaches for the diamond.
HELLBLAZER
Hehe, I win!
Legend gets up.
LEGEND
Not yet!
Legend pulls out a knife and stabs Hellblazer in the shoulder.
HELLBLAZER
c*nt!
Hellblazer turns around, and Legend pulls back and STABS Hellblazer in the dick.
HELLBLAZER (high voice, whimpering)
You... you bastard...
Hellblazer, holding his crotch, falls off the ride and onto hard concrete, blood staining the sidewalk.
CUT TO: Ride.
Legend looks backwards.
LEGEND
No, I win.
INDY
Look- look out for the-
LEGEND
Shut the f*ck up, you annoying bi-
A pole supporting the ride smacks into Legend's head as it flies past, and Legend falls off the car and through the air.
CUT TO: Park.
Daz strolls through peacefully.
DAZ
I really feel like I should have a bigger-
Legend falls on him in a heap.
CUT TO: Ride.
Casa, Joey, Blaggers, and Indy all sit, stunned.
Joey crawls and grabs the diamond.
JOEY
Slow and steady wins the race!
Casa jumps over.
CASA
Hells yeah, we won!
JOEY
We won! We won!
Blaggers looks forward.
BLAGGERS
sh*t! sh*t! sh*t!
WE SEE- A LOOP-DE-LOOP. THE CLIMAX OF THE RIDE.
INDY
f*cking motherf*cking piece of bullf*ck.
Blaggers and Indy hold on for dear life as Casa braces for impact and Joey immedietly its and covers his head.
The car through the LOOP DE LOOP.
SLO MO.
Joey sits with the diamond, but the diamond falls out of his hands as they are exactly upside-down.
JOEY (SLOMO)
NOOOOOOO..
He jumps out of his seat, grabs the diamond.
He falls back towards earth, hitting the car on it's way down.
He hits the car, is knocked out, and falls the rest of the way towards the ground.
INDY
THE BOOGALOO!
The Boogaloo, in all it's glory, falls to... Hitting the ground in a million sharp pieces.
CUT TO: SIDEWALK.
Bucksfan is shooting Hellblazer, near dead by now, with his uzi.
One of the large shards hits Bucksfan in the back, and he falls over onto Hellblazer.
BUCKSFAN
Urp!
The ride comes to a stop, and the crowd watches as Blaggers, a wounded Indy, and Casa all slowly get out of their seats.
OPERATOR
Have a nice day here at Magic City!
FADE OUT.
FADE IN: HOSPITAL. DAY.
Indy, Joey, Vincent, Cristo,Bucksfan, Legend, and Daz all are in the same hospital room.
On the other side of the room is Xplay, Casa, Zeus, and Hanelle and Pele, who are both very happy-looking.
ZEUS
Wow. That sh*t got real, all right.
XPLAY
I know. I still can't believe how much sh*t Hellblazer took before he died.
CASA
You know, it wasn't the fall that killed him, or even Bucksfan's bullets, but what really did it is that they dropped him on the way to the hospital?
HANELLE
Shame.
PELE
Yeah, shame.
ZEUS
This is all so sad. If only I could be given something to laugh about.
Everyone looks up as NURSE NATALIE runs into the room.
NURSE NATALIE
f*cking CUUUUNT!!!!
CUT TO: Writer's Room.
Indy is typing.
INDY
f*ck, I did forgot Natalie. sh*t, oh well.
THE END. |
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